Salvador Dalí's Face of Severus Snape, Which May Be Used As A Potions Classroom
Based on Face of Mae West, Which May Be Used As An Apartment
Image © 2004
Red Scharlach
*** = post-DH
Copyright 2005-2008 by Caius Marcius, except Prince of the Ships Copyright 2005 by Salazar; Sympathy for the Half-Blood Prince Copyright 2005 by Mother Molly; Statement of Gratitude Copyright 2005 by Anon E. Mouse; Hey Snape Copyright 2005 by Zaive; And Your Phoenix Sings and Dumbledore Dead Copyright 2005 by ewe2; All I Ask of You Copyright 2005 by Saevita; Dead Dumbledore, Don't Point That Wand at Me!, Fire And Pain and There's No Turning Back Snape Copyright 2005, 207 by Randy Estes; Dumby, Dumby, Snape Copyright 2005 by MagicPoni; I Guess That's Why I'm Hitting The Booze and The Young Prince with Bad Hair Copyright 2005, 2006 by Allemande; Reflections Upon the Revelations of the Half-Blood Prince Copyright 2005 by Veresna Ussep; Slimy Git Copyright 2005 by Pippin; Slytherin Rhapsody Copyright 2005 by Filigree9; Half-Blood Prince Copyright 2005 by Fyre; The Blaming of Snape Copyright 2006 by Chthonia; Harry Wants to Apologize, I Loved Her First, If I Stand and Wanted Dead or Alive Copyright 2006-2008 by Alessandra C.; Treacherous Road Copyright 2006 by whitehound; Wizarding and Muggle Copyright 2007 by Potioncat; Her Eyes (A Snapey Speculation) Copyright 2007 by Nymphadora; I'll Second-Guess That Potion Copyright 2007 by Ginger; I Am Sev'rus Copyright 2007 by Ms. Gehayi; Spy Living Copyright 2007 by The Final Stillness of Saturn; The House of Slytherin Copyright 2007 by Potioncat; A Snape Ther Was Copyright 2007 by Ann; Hello There, Snapey Copyright 2007 by Opportunic Mayhem; The Man in Black Copyright 2010 by Lindsay Addison
A filk by Mother Molly to the tune of Sympathy for the Devil by the Rolling Stones
SNAPE:
Please allow me to introduce myself,
I'm a man who can bottle fame.
I've hung around these Hogwart's halls,
Mixing potions, giving grades.
And I was around when Q-Q-Quirrell
Used a turban to hide his "brain"
Was damned pleased when Voldemort
Touched the boy and fried his face.
Pleased to meet you, won't you guess my name?
But what's puzzling you is the nature of my game.
I had to laugh when old Sirius Black
Saw me as his doom in the Shrieking Shack!
I shouted out, "Have the dementor's kiss!"
His soulless destiny filled my heart with bliss.
Please let me introduce myself..
Hope you like wolfsbane!
Just a countdown of Marauders
Who won't live to rue the day!
Pleased to meet you, won't you guess my name?
What's confusing you is the nature of my game.
Just cause every kid cried for Dumbledore..
Will no one cry for Snape?
When you plead for death, call me Severus.
It's my fate I can't escape!
So if you see me
Have some courtesy
Have some sympathy and some taste.
But you better learn Occlumency
Or I'll lay your plans to waste!
Pleased to meet you...
Hope you guessed my name!
But what's puzzling you
Is the nature of my game!
(Woo woo what's my name?)
Or, Snapey is a Rat by Veresna Ussep (apologies to Ernest Lawrence Thayer)
The outlook was quite brilliant for the faithful fans that night
They'd read the books from One to Five with rapt, devout delight
Among the crowds who gathered 'round the bookstore's bulging gate
Were quite a few devoted to a character named Snape
They stood there smugly smiling while others called him 'tainted'
The greasy git could never be as black as Rowling painted
"Just look at all the times," they cried, "When he has saved the life
Of that obnoxious Gryffindor who fills his world with strife!"
"You see only hate and spite, greased hair and large, hooked nose
Look closer and you'll surely see it's all a surly pose
He's really quite the hero, complex and enigmatic
Designed to purposely mislead the hopelessly dogmatic"
"You see the world in black and white-no other hint or hue
You stupidly refuse to give a repentant soul his due
Yes, he's no knight upon a horse, no Saint of alabaster
But his loyalty is vouchsafed by the elderly Headmaster"
And so we wrote our tales of brave and stoic constitution
And patiently awaited the expected resolution
He'd prove to be the hero yet, the greatest of them all
He's probably die tragically, assisting Voldy's fall
Oh, some did quaver (just a bit), after all the man's a Slytherin
He'll tend to waver back and forth, depending what he's given
But most of us within our hearts held cherished notions fast
That when the dust had cleared away, he'd prove noble at the last
Now hordes of readers sit entranced
And sing new praise of Potter
But there is no joy in Snapeville
Our man's turned out a rotter
A filk by Zaive to the tune of Hey Jude by The Beatles
Hey Snape,
You've made it bad
We want to find you, and perform Avada
We hope you're tortured and put to rest
And we'll do our best, to make it better
Hey Snape,
You should be afraid
Go and try to, hide behind your master
Don't you ever, think you're safe and well
We will find you, you'll scream and yell
And everytime Harry feels the pain
It's you, we'll blame
You're the reason he's an orphan
And don't you know if it wasn't for you
Dumbledore would teach, at school
Harry wouldn't leave Hogwarts so early
na na na na na na na na na
Hey Snape,
You've let us down
We thought you'd left your old ways behind you
You've met up with your old school friends at last
You'll do anything the Dark Lord asks
We've cried out and we've screamed in
When we read the end
You were waiting to help young Malfoy
And we were shocked that it was you
You're the traitor, we we were fooled
The mark was already on your left arm
na na na na na na na na na, yeah
Hey Snape,
You've made it bad
We want to find you, and perform Avada
We want you tortured and put to rest
And we'll do our best to make it better,
better better better better better, oh
Na na na na na na na
na na na na Hey Snape
Na na na na na na na
na na na na Hey Snape
Na na na na na na na
na na na na Hey Snape
A filk by ewe2 to the tune of Norwegian Wood by the Beatles
Snape reflects on Book Six
SNAPE:
I once took a Vow
Or should I say, it once took me
She begged for her son
This won't look good on my CV
She asked me to say that I'd save him and Bella would Bond
She got me to do it I must have been out of my mind
We knelt on the floor,
she grasped my hand, Bella, her wand
She said if he failed,
I'd do the job, it smacked my gob
And Draco was hopeless and so I was forced by the Vow
In front of four DE's to give Albus the Green Ka-Pow!
And when we got out
I was alone, Phoenix had flown
Won't Voldy be pleased?
"Isn't it good, Dumbledore dead?"
A filk by ewe2 to the tune of And Your Bird Can Sing by the Beatles
Snape and Dumbledore are arguing in HBP
SNAPE:
You told me you knew everything there is
And your phoenix sings
Well you don't know me
You don't know me
You say you've seen seven Horcrux
And your phoenix swings
But you don't see me
You don't see me
When the war on Voldy
Starts to wear you down
I can make a potion
Drink it down, drink it down
Snape plays double lead guitar
This Vow can't be broken
I can't let you down
You won't be awoken
See ya round, see ya round
You tell me you've foreseen where the future is
But your phoenix screams
And you won't stop me
You won't stop me
A poem by Anon E. Mouse
Voldemort commends Snape on his accomplishment.
VOLDEMORT:
I like what I hear,
As I understand
That, once your good friend
Has been slain by your hand.
He's been a good teacher
To both of us,
But teachers should go
As students surpass.
For doing the deed,
You deserve proper thanks,
And this is your time
To rejoin my ranks.
You've shown the world,
Now that you've made the kill,
That you are like me,
With the evil at will.
You now can simply
Abandon your past.
You've earned my support,
My respect and my trust.
So now, take your
Rightful place at my side,
And may the world tremble
At our sight
A filk by Salazar to the tune of The King of Broadway from Mel Brooks' The Producers
SNAPE is lamenting his fall from grace in Half-Blood Prince. VOLDEMORT is also with him, lamenting a few things which don't work with his character. Warning! Like the Goblet of Fire movie, this filk carries a PG-13 rating.
SNAPE
I used to be the Prince
The Prince of all the ships
My words I wouldn't mince
When I was locking lips.
All fangirls were in love with me.
Despite lack of Pantene-Pro-V
They stroked my dark hair happily
They found me so funny, with all my quips!
VOLDEMORT
I used to be sympathetic
I used to be lost and sweet.
Now they all think I'm pathetic.
All my ships now meet defeat.
SNAPE
I used to be the Prince (the Prince!)
The Prince of all the ships (It's good to be the Prince)
My hair I'd never rinse,
With that none came to grips!
I never failed a single test
In fanfic, students I'd molest
The Mary Sues were a real pest,
But I still will attest, they had good hips.
VOLDEMORT
I used to be lusted after
Fangirls thought I was delish
Now they greet my ships with laughter
'Cause a psycho ain't so bish!
SNAPE and VOLDEMORT
There was a time when people thought us hot
(spoken) But cold.
(sung) There was a time when we were slick.
There was a time when every girl we got
Was just so fantastic!
VOLDEMORT
There was a time they thought I needed love
With tears their eyes all gleamed!
Now, they know that in my past
I could not be redeemed!
SNAPE
Our poor egos, after Book Six…
VOLDEMORT
In my past…
SNAPE
Our poor egos took a blow!
VOLDEMORT
Unredeemed…
SNAPE
After this book, they said "look, pricks…"
VOLDEMORT
WAY Unredeemed…
SNAPE
"That you're bad, we surely know!"
(spoken) They say no! How dare they revile me in this manner?! How quickly they forget I am Severus Snape…the first Death Eater ever to make statutory rape sexy!
VOLDEMORT (sung)
Once he was the Prince…
SNAPE
You've all heard of the fics with Hermione doing Harry? You're looking at the man who managed to be paired with them both…at the same time!
VOLDEMORT (sung)
Prince of all the ships!
SNAPE
I've spent all of the last five books in fanfic! I lost my virginity at ages ranging from 15-35!
VOLDEMORT shakes his head sadly.
SNAPE
Yes…I'll always remember my first time in the sack. I'll never forget, she…(sniffs) she turned to me after we'd, you know, done it and said "Severus, the only thing you can stir better than a potion is my emotions!"
VOLDEMORT (spoken)
That's a pretty bad line. Who was she?
SNAPE
Who knows? I have so many first times. Strangely enough, it was the author's first time writing a fanfic too. But in my heart, I know what the author was trying to say. She was trying to say, "When you're nice and sweet and act genuinely reformed, that's the time to stand up on your own two feet and shout 'who do you have to kill to stay in character in this book?!"
VOLDEMORT and SEVERUS engage in a little dance jig after this, dancing arm in arm à la Russe. SEVERUS finally gets dizzy and starts to sing again.
SEVERUS
I used to be the Prince
The Prince of all the ships
Again I will be Prince
And not one of the drips.
I'll make fangirls swoon and groan again
The Prince will get his throne again
The Mary Sues I'll bone again
I'll make my appeal known again
My knickers will be shown again
For evil I'll atone again
My darkness I'll disown again
I'll have testosterone again
Malfoy will be my clone again
My cover won't be blown again
To be nice I'll be prone again
I'll never be alone again!
This Prince's murders they'll condone!
This Prince's fanbase will have grown!
This Half-Blood Prince will get his own...
Again!
VOLDEMORT
Our cover won't be blown again
To be nice we'll be prone again
We'll never be alone again!
BOTH
We'll get our own again, hey!
A filk by Saevitia to the tune of the same name from Lloyd Webber's Phantom of the Opera
THE SCENE: A meeting between Dumbledore and Snape, when he was first asked to spy for the Order.
DUMBLEDORE
No more talk of murder,
Forget this Death Eating
You're here, in Hogwarts School now
No Dark Lord making you bow
Let me be your mentor,
Let spying cleanse your sins
You say that you're not evil
And frankly, I believe you. . .
SNAPE
You say you trust me
With your life, Headmaster,
You believe that I am good again
You say you need me spying for the Order…
Promise me that's all I have to do-
That's all I ask of you…
DUMBLEDORE
I'll be your supporter
If you do what's right
You're safe:
The Aurors won't find you
The dark mark's far behind you…
SNAPE
All I want is freedom,
a world with no more night…
Though I still don't like the Mudbloods
Don't expect me to teach duds…
DUMBLEDORE
Just say you'll spy
For me and for the Order…
Teaching potions
If you've got the time…
I will see to it the Aurors don't arrest you. . .
Tell me what Tom is going to do
Severus, that's all I ask of you…
SNAPE
Say you'll keep me out of wizard prison
Say the word and I will spy for you…
BOTH
Spy on Voldemort
Each night, each morning…
SNAPE
Say you trust me
DUMBLEDORE
You know I do . . .
BOTH
Trust me -
That's all I ask of you . . .
Tell me/you what Tom is going to do…
Trust me -
That's all I ask of you…
SNAPE
I must go -
They'll wonder where I am…
wait for me, Albus
DUMBLEDORE
Severus, I trust you!
To the tune of Bang Bang (first sung by Cher, words and music by the late Sony Bono)
THE SCENE: Uncertain: It's either a transdimensional realm beyond space and time or a back room of the Hog's Head Inn. DUMBLEDORE ponders recent events.
DUMBELDORE
From Book One until Book Six
He saved the day in ev'ry fix
He was one who won my trust
But just how can't be discussed
AK, I hit the ground
AK, without a sound
AK, my Snapey shot me down.
Harry told me of his Vow
He thought I would cry, "Holy cow!"
But this news did not disturb
My Sevvy Snape remained superb
AK, I'm falling down
AK, I've hit the ground
AK, my Snapey shot me down.
Hagrid heard our argument
Winter of our discontent
Hey! Hey! Hey! Hey!
Now I'm gone, and who knows where
Did I use too much laissez faire?
Snape's OFH or ESE
But could he still be for DD?
AK, I hit the ground
AK, cadaver gowns
AK, my Snapey shot me down.
A filk by Randy Estes to the tune of Walking on Sunshine by Katrina and the Waves
Snape used to be loyal to Hogwarts, but not anymore
When Narcissa's tears started falling, he knelt on the floor.
He said he'd help Draco serve Voldy, An Unbreakable Vow.
And when her sister Bellatrix heard it, she about had a Cow!
Now there's no turning back Snape, oh oh!
There's no turning back Snape, oh oh!
You're on the wrong track Snape, oh oh!
You're up to no good!
Snape's always been partial to Draco; made things go his way!
He's praised all his minor acheivements since the very first day.
And Harry was the object of his criticism for reasons unknown.
Snape's been under Harry's suspicion since the Sorcerer's Stone!
Now there's no turning back Snape, oh oh!
There's no turning back Snape, oh oh!
You're on the wrong track Snape, oh oh!
You're up to no good!
When Harry came back to Hogwarts with a sick Dumbledore
He really had no way of knowing who'd come out the door
First Draco berates the Professor, much to Harry's dismay
Then Death Eaters force Severus Snape to blow Dumbledore away!
Now there's no turning back Snape, oh oh!
There's no turning back Snape, oh oh!
You're on the wrong track Snape, oh oh!
You're up to no good!
Snape grabs Draco by the arm and yells let's get away
The Death Eaters want to kill Harry, but Snape says no way!
Cause Harry must do battle with the Dark Lord, not be killed by these crooks.
And besides if Snape had killed Harry, there'd be no more books!
Now there's no turning back Snape, oh oh!
There's no turning back Snape, oh oh!
You're on the wrong track Snape, oh oh!
You're up to no good!
A filk by Randy Estes to the tune of Don't Stand So Close to Me! by Sting and the Police
Old Teacher, the Subject
Of this book's dastardly deeds.
Harry hates him so badly
Thinks Snape serves Voldy's needs.
Young Draco failed the Dark Lord
So Snape stepped in to kill.
They're fleeing, he's so close now
He blocks all of Harry's spells.
Don't point!
Don't point that!
Don't point that wand at me!
Harry's friends were so lucky
They dodged curses left and right.
They each drank some Felix Felicis
And none were killed that night!
Hagrid's there now
He helps Harry
He's got a cut under his eye.
Hagrid asks why Snape ran off now
Harry says he watched Dumbledore die.
Don't say (Harmony: Don't say that
(Please don't say that
Dumbledore's dead!)
Don't say that Dumbledore's dead!
They head back to the Astronomy Tower
A crowd formed around its base.
Hagrid sees the lifeless body
Harry wipes blood from the face.
It's no use to deny it
He's dead for all to see
Harry finds a broken locket
With a note from RAB
Don't post (Harmony:Dumbledore's dead for all to see!)
Don't post that
Don't post that new theory!
Maybe Dumbledore's not dead yet
And he set the whole thing up!
Snape really works for him now
They'll catch Voldy like a sitting duck!
You're crazy!
We saw him!
Snape's killed the Headmaster now.
He had to help young Draco
He made the Unbreakable Vow!
Don't post (Harmony:Dumbledore's dead for all to see!)
Don't post that
Don't post that new theory!
Hold on now
Wait a minute!
Something does not seem right.
When you get hit by Avada Kedavra
You don't fly off like a kite!
That potion that he drank
Maybe it's the Draught of Death
Maybe Dumbledore is faking
We can't be sure just yet!
Don't post (Harmony: Dumbledore's dead for all to see!)
Don't post that (Dumbledore is History!)
Don't post that new theory!
Just ask Kneasy or go find Pippin
I'll call Aberforth's goat!
What do you think really happened?
And who left that mysterious note?
They had a trial at Accio
To determine Severus's guilt
They said that he was innocent
A good defense was built.
Don't post (Harmony: Dumbledore's dead for all to see!)
Don't post that (Dumbledore is History!)
Don't post that new theory!
The Old Crowd's got the answer.
They've read this seven times.
It's obvious it was the butler
He must pay for his crime!
Keep reading!
Keep posting!
We'll work together here
We'll have the whole thing solved
We'll post it all this year!
I know you think we're crazy
We're really quite bizarre
To spend so much time discussing
That book by JKR!
Don't post (Harmony: JKR is RAB!)
Don't post that (JKR is RAB!)
Don't post that new theory!
A filk by MagicPoni, inspired by the unusual Llama Llama Duck flash tune - and once you listen to it there's NO getting it out of your head! MUHAHAHA!!!
Here's a Dumby
There's a Dumby
And another bearded Dumby
Nitwit Dumby
Oddment Dumby
Dumby Dumby
Snape
Dumby Dumby
We love
Dumby
Earwax
Beans
Professor
Dumby
Dumby Dumby
Watch out
Dumby
Dumby Dumby
Snape
I was once a teacher
I lived at a school
But I never saw the way
The D.E. slew the fool
This great wizard now is dead
It's a sad sad tale
Please Snape help my only child
So he does not fail
Did you ever trick a Dumby
Trap a Dumby
Kill a Dumby
Dumby Dumby
Poor ol' Dumby
Dumby Dumby
Snape
Half a Dumby
Twice the Dumby
Dead this Dumby
Tower
Dumby a Dark Mark
Alarm a Dumby
Dumby
Snape
Is this how it's told now?
Is it all so old?
Is it made of lemon drops?
Phoenix
Draco
Gold
Now my song is getting thin
He's run out of luck
Time for me to retire now
Let D.E.'s run amok.
Having just finished reading his books to his young children for the night, Red Eye Randy wanders into the Hogs Head and orders a brandy. He then walks up to the stage and begins reading from Dr. Seuss ( a former teacher at Hogwarts). He also orders a plate of Green Eggs and Ham......
That JKR, that JKR
I do not trust that JKR.
Do you buy dead Dumbledore ?
I do not buy it, JKR
I do not buy dead Dumbledore!
Would you buy it here or there?
I would not buy it here or there.
I would not buy it anywhere.
I do not buy dead Dumbledore
I do not trust you JKR !
Would you buy it at Snape's house?
Where Peter's listening like a mouse?
I do not buy it at Snape's house
I do not like that silly old mouse.
I would not buy it here or there.
I would not buy it anywhere.
I do not buy dead Dumbledore
I do not trust you JKR !
The unbreakable vow is like a box !
That Snape's a traitor like a fox !
Not in a box
Snape's not a fox
Not at Snape's house
Not with that mouse.
I would not buy it here or there.
I would not buy it anywhere.
I do not buy dead Dumbledore
I do not trust you JKR !
Would you? Could you?
In the bar?
Madame Rosemerta helped from afar!
I would not, could not in a bar!
But Snape was mad at him you see.
Remember that incident with the tree!
I do not think Snape did that deed.
Now JKR, you let me be.
Keep your Horcruxes in that box
I do not think that Snape's a fox.
I do not buy it at Snape's house
I do not like that silly old mouse.
I would not buy it here or there.
I would not buy it anywhere.
I do not buy dead Dumbledore
I do not trust you JKR !
AK ! AK ! AK ! AK !
Can't you see it was AK ?
Not really AK! Not Snape's bad deed !
Not in the bar! Joanne, you let me be!
Keep your Horcruxes in that box
I do not think that Snape's a fox.
I do not buy it at Snape's house
I do not like that silly old mouse.
I would not buy it here or there.
I would not buy it anywhere.
I do not buy dead Dumbledore
I do not trust you JKR !
Say! In the Dark?
In Riddle's Cave!
He drank that potion in the Cave !
I would not, could not in the dark.
He fell off the tower and split his brain ?
I don't believe he split his brain.
Not drunk from Cave! Not really AK !
Not in the bar. Not Snape's bad deed.
I do not trust you, Joanne, you see.
Not at Snape's house. His vow a box.
Not with that mouse. Snape's not a fox.
I will not buy it here or there.
I would not buy it anywhere!
You do not buy dead Dumbledore?
I do not trust you JKR !
You think I'd not kill that old goat?
Perhaps a bezoar down his throat?
I don't think you killed that old goat!
Prof Dumbledore did Snape not smote?
I don't believe that Snape did smote.
I don't think he killed that old goat!
I don't believe he split his brain.
Not drunk from Cave! Not really AK !
Not in the bar. Not Snape's bad deed.
I do not trust you, Joanne, you see.
Not at Snape's house. His vow a box.
Not with that mouse. Snape's not a fox.
I will not buy it here or there.
I would not buy it anywhere!
I do not buy dead Dumbledore!
I do not trust you JKR!
You do not trust me.
So you say.
Then Book Seven you'll read some day!
Perhaps he's not dead, but I can't say!
JKR!
Please write quickly!
We will read it
Then we'll all see!
And closed his book
And finished his brandy
And ordered another
Did Red Eye Randy
Randy still is unsure whether DD is dead but offers this poem to those who are convinced that he is alive!
A filk by Allemande to the tune of Elton John's I Guess That's Why They Call It The Blues
SNAPE:
I've wasted away
I've looked at these damn kids forever
Between you and me: I can honestly say
It's a wonder I haven't killed Trevor
And while I'm away
Facing the demon retired
Dumbledore says "Hey!
Let a raging wild beast
Get the post that Snape's heart so desired!"
And I guess that's why I'm hitting the booze
Can't understand? Try a day in my shoes
Snapping at children, sneering at lovers
God's greatest blunder, spy undercover
And I guess that's why I'm hitting the booze
Just staring at snakes
Counting mistakes in my past
Living each second without medication
Will drive you insane very fast
Bring on the gin
Vodka and rum for my soul
And you know what's droll?
The more that I drink
The more I despise my old self
And I guess that's why I'm hitting the booze
Can't understand? Try a day in my shoes
Snapping at children, sneering at lovers
God's greatest blunder, spy undercover
And I guess that's why I'm hitting the booze
A filk by Pippin to the tune of Silent Night
Slimy git
Greasy git
Constantly
In a snit
Prowling corridors
Hither and yon
Saving Harry so
He can go on
Hating Potter in peace
Hating Potter in peace
Slimy git
Greasy git
He's a jerk
I admit
Gory scenes for
The kid with the scar
Was it murder or
Plot twist bizarre?
Serverus, you're still a berk
Severus, you're still a berk
A filk by Fyre to the tune of Mephistopheles Returns by Trans-Siberian Orchestra
SETTING: Harry Potter is sitting inside the Burrow after Hogwarts has let out, thinking about Snape's betrayal
HARRY:
I didn't trust the voice of my head
And now Albus is really dead
I know he won't get a second chance
To join the Order in goodly dance
'Cross the Dark Forest floor
Until the moon rises from her bed
And in the dark with wand in hand
It is time to make Snape dead
I know just what I'm thinking
Because all that I see is his face sneering,
The Half-Blood Prince is he
I will find an answer
Because he will not see the break of dawn
This evil Half Blood…
(To Ron) Tell me what you think
Is there anything you know
That can help me catch that vile Potions Master
Tell me you're not scared
On your face terror does show
We must save the world from the Half-Blood Prince!
(To Hermione) This is the time that decides
How much your life can reveal
Ev'ry thing parchment will hide
All that books can conceal.
We must gamble that time
With everything that we are
Snape should not be too hard to find
I know he can't get too…
(To Ron) Tell me what you think
Is there anything you know
That can help me catch that vile Potions master
Tell me you're not scared
On your face terror does show
We must save the world from the Half -Blood Prince!
I know just what I'm thinking
Because all that I see is his face sneering,
The Half-Blood Prince is he
I will find an answer
Because he will not see the break of dawn
This evil Half-Blood Prince!
RON AND HERMIONE (Ron starting, Hermione starting one section after Ron)
I see this path before me
Paved with an unknown glory
Thanks to an act of violence
That causes eternal silence
So many late night visions
Hard pressed to make decisions
Choices that are so uncertain
Stuck behind an unveiled curtain
Somewhere out there, Snape is waiting
His heart cold; forever hating
Death is nothing, No truth all lies
While he wanders in an endless Disguise
Soon will be too late
We meet with fate
Don't want to see his life escape
Warped twisted dreams
Hear the dead scream
Dumbledore's life will not be…
These things appear right now before me
Unclaimed death or endless glory
Haunted by ghosts forever returning
By the light of wand tips burning(x2)
ALL THREE:
Soon will be too late
We meet with fate
Don't want to see his life es…
(To Ron)
Tell me what you think
Is there anything you know
That can help me catch that vile Potions master
Tell me you're not scared
On your face terror does show
We must save the world from the Half-Blood Prince!
Scene switches to Snape who is sitting alone on a tree stump in a forest
SNAPE:
The end of patience
So little time before me
No hesitation that can give Potter glory
No more salvation, I've no clue how far it's gotten
My Muggle father's name
All forgotten
All forgotten
A filk by Filigree9 to the tune of Bohemian Rhapsody by Queen
SNAPE:
Is this the real life-
Is this just fantasy-
Caught by Narcissa's vow-
No escape from reality-
Open your eyes
Look up to the skies and see-
I'm just a Slytherin, I need no sympathy-
Because I'm easy come, easy go,
A little snarky, little low,
Anyway the wind blows,doesn't really matter to me,
To me
Cissy, just killed Dumbledore,
Held a want up to his head,
Said "Avada",now he's dead,
Dumbledore trusted me,
But now I've gone and thrown it all away-
Minerva ooo,
Didn't mean to make you cry-
I'll be in front of Voldemort tomorrow-
Carry on,carry on,as if nothing really matters-
Crucio, my time has come,
Sends shivers down my spine-
Body's aching all the time,
Goodbye to the Order - I've got to go-
Gotta leave you all behind for Draco's sake-
Cissy ooo- (any way the wind blows)
I don't want to die,
I sometimes wish I'd never been born at all-
I see a huddled silhouetto of a wizard,
Severus, Severus will you cast the Avada-
The Dark Mark and lightning-very very frightening me-
Harry Potter, Harry Potter,
Harry Potter, Harry Potter
Harry Potter, our hero-Magnifico-
But I'm just a Slytherin and nobody loves me-
Snape's just a Slytherin from a poor family-
Spare him his life from this monstrosity-
Easy come easy go- will you let me go-
Snivellus! No-we will not let you go-let him go-
Snivellus! We will not let you go-let him go
Snivellus! We will not let you go-let me go
Will not let you go-let me go
Will not let you go let me go
No,no,no,no,no,no,no-
Harry Potter, Harry Potter, Harry Potter close your mind-
Voldemort has horcruxes put aside for you, to find, to find--
So you think you can hex me and use my own curse-
So you think you can curse me, then try, do your worst-
Oh Potter-Don't call me coward Potter-
Just gotta get out-just gotta Apparate outta here-
Nothing really matters,
Anyone can see,
Nothing really matters - nothing really matters but me...
Any way the wind blows....
A filk by Chthonia after TS Eliot's The Naming of Cats (musicalized by Andrew Lloyd Webber)
The blaming of Snape is, for many a scribbler,
Considerably more than an idle-time game.
So you won't think at first I'm as crazed as The Quibbler
When I tell you that Snape suffers three kinds of blame.
First of all, there's the blame that his students hurl daily
For his greasiness, bias and sarcastic games,
For detentions spent slicing things slimy and scaly:-
To a teacher of Potions, all workaday blames.
There are fans, as we know, who will make his excuses,
And not just because Rickman's voice makes them drool.
They point to school bullies, to childhood abuses:-
Sadly too common, for those who aren't 'cool'.
But I tell you our Snape needs a blame that makes history,
A blame that's exclusive to Snape: Prince of Snide.
Else how could he keep up his aura of mystery,
Or spread out his sneering, or nurse his hurt pride?
So not just the Order but Voldemort's plotters
Have cause to blame Snape for betrayal and lies.
If you add to all that his feud with the Potters,
Few men give so many so much to despise.
But below all these layers, there's still one blame left over,
And it stems from the truth that we still can but guess,
The truth that no fandom debate can uncover:-
Yes, Jo surely knows - but she'll not yet confess.
When you notice a Snape in morose introspection
The reason, I tell you, is always the same:
His soul is engaged in a dark contemplation
Of his choices, betrayals, his guilt and his shame;
Of his terrible, inescapable
Incontrovertible
Deep and indelible
Bitter self-blame.
A filk by Alessandra C. to the tune of the same name by Jars of Clay (from their album Awesome God)
A Snape's Fandom Song - I'm a Snape girl through and through! You may not know this song, unless you're into Christian Rock music.
There's more to Severus Snape that meets the eye
And more that shines in the night than the Dark Mark
There's more than just his black cloak to keep him warm
In a fandom that is larger than this world
And there's a loyalty that binds him to Dumbledore
And a music stronger than the song a phoenix sings
Both sides compete for his allegiance
When he wants he can do even good things
So if I stand by his side, it's because I believe he'll make it through
And if he can't, let me think at the phrase that first brought me to him
So if I sing let me sing for the joy that I feel each time he sneers
And if I weep let it be for a man who's betrayed the Dark Lord
And there's more that blows in his black hair than the wind
And more that pulses in his heart than just hate
He wouldn't be that fierce if only he had some friends
Could have been gentle if life put a lover at his side
And there's a loyalty that binds him to Dumbledore
And a music stronger than the song a phoenix sings
Both sides compete for his allegiance
When he wants he can do even good things
So if I stand by his side, it's because I believe he will live through
And if he can't, let me hold on the phrase that first brought me to him
So if I sing let me sing for the joy that I feel each time he sneers
And if I weep let it be for a man who's betrayed the Dark Lord
So if I stand by his side, it's because I believe he will live through
And if he can't, let me hold on the phrase that first brought me to him
So if I sing let me sing for the joy that I feel each time he sneers
And if I weep let it be for a man who's not betrayed the Dark Lord
And if I weep let it be for a man who's not betrayed the Dark Lord.
A filk by Allemande to the melody of The Fresh Prince of Bel Air
EILEEN PRINCE:
Now this is the story that tells you why
When I look at my son, I have to cry
I'd like God to take a minute and hear my prayer
My name is Eileen Prince, and my son's got bad hair
Half wizard, half Muggle he was born and raised
At his parents' work he spent most of his days
He would mop up the floor, hand us a tool
Or talk nicely to the people on the cutting stool
But then came the time of the furious rows
When we started having trouble with our marriage vows
We got in one little fight and my son got scared
And said: "You make it up with Daddy, or I'll grow bad hair"
I whimpered and I begged his dad to forgive me:
"Bad hair is a sight with which I cannot live, me!
Is anything I say gonna make you care?"
But he said: "No, forget it, our son's got bad hair"
He pulled out all his hairs at seven or eight
And I yelled to his daddy: "Come home, he looks great!"
Looked at my Sevvie, his long mane was there:
He was now without a doubt a young Prince with bad hair
A filk by whitehound to the traditional Irish tune My Johnny Was a Shoemaker, which can be found on the Steeleye Span album Hark! The Village Wait (select the one marked "tune as modified by Gay Woods and Maddy Prior.")
I play at bad to serve the good
'Twixt the shadows and the light;
The tyrant's terrors I've withstood
In the strongholds of the night,
For to break the evil I once swore to serve
On the path that no-one sees,
No-one sees,
The narrow path that no-one sees.
In bitter anger I was raised,
In sorrow I was schooled;
Forever scorned and never praised,
By bitterness I'm ruled.
My wits and wit will armour me from harm
And my tongue shall be my sword,
Keen-edged sword,
My cutting tongue shall be my sword.
The comrades who think me their friend,
It's them that I'll betray,
While those whose lives I would defend
Think me their enemy;
And the fools I teach will never understand
That my scorn is half a jest,
Bitter jest -
Who have I left to share a jest?
I slew the friend who saved my life
To serve his grand design,
I go in grief and bitter strife
To the exile's death that's mine.
Now every man's hand's raised to strike me down,
And who will mourn for me?
Answer me!
Who is there that will mourn for me?
To the tune of There Once Was a Man, from The Pajama Game.
The You-Tube performance linked above is more in the style of easy listening than Broadway - advance to 1:40 to get past the late-night talk show banter (it also omits the spoken parts, and stops before the quadruple repetition of "more!")
THE SCENE: Undisclosed. An antagonistic duet for Harry and Severus
HARRY (spoken):
I hate you more than all the villains in all the fantasy epics.
SNAPE (spoken):
Do tell.
HARRY:
Oh what a loser, I tell ya!
(music)
There once was a wizard who hated Snapey
All to defend the good of Gryffindor
They say that no one could ever hate as much as Sirius.
But me! I hate you more.
SNAPE (spoken):
Do tell.
HARRY:
And there once was an Auror who hated Snapey
'Cause of the way you served Lord Voldemort
They say that no one could ever hate as much as Moody.
But me! I hate you more.
My hate is a potion
Of seething emotion
And I'd love to serve it to you!
You murdered Dumble, so I'm all
Enraged at you, slime ball -
A batch of vengeance I now brew
I only know there once was a witch who hated Snapey
Through all her years behind that prison door.
They say that no one could ever hate as much as Bella.
But me! I hate you more.
SNAPE:
There once was a Dark Lord, who hated Potter
You were the one who ended his First War.
They say that no one could ever hate as much as Voldy.
But me! I hate you more.
HARRY (spoken):
Do tell.
SNAPE:
There once were some Muggles, who hated Potter
They were the clan at Privet Number Four.
They say that no one could ever hate as much as Dursleys
But me! I hate you more.
My hate's histrionic,
It's darkly symphonic
Like Mahler on steroids and speed
And it seems that the only mistakes here
Is that William Shakespeare
Can't be employed to write my screeds
I only know there once was a Slyth'rin, who hated Potter
Since you first met at Madam Malkin's store.
They say that no one could ever hate as much as Malfoy
But me! I hate you more, more more more!
HARRY:
More than Miss Winky hates her clothes
SNAPE:
More than Lord Voldy hates his nose
HARRY:
More than Petunia hates cheap junk
SNAPE:
More than Hermione hates to flunk
HARRY: More!
SNAPE: More!
HARRY: More!
SNAPE: More!
BOTH: More!
HARRY & (SNAPE):
There once was a teen (There once was a teacher)
Who hated Snapey (Who hated Potter)
He was the one opposed to Gryffindor (He was the kid they made detention for)
HARRY & SNAPE:
They say that no one could ever hate as much as me
Agreed! I hate you more!
Agreed! I hate you more!
A filk by Potioncat based on The Orange and the Green
In honor of Severus Snape's birthday - Thanks to Ginger and Carol for their help!
CHORUS:
It was the biggest mix-up. It reached an awful pitch,
My father was a Muggle and my mother was a witch.
My father was a working man who spun in yonder mill.
My mother was a quiet witch who hid her magic skill.
Sometimes I'd see her cower, when he would start to yell,
But then again she'd wave her wand and give him bloody hell.
CHORUS
I was my mother's Half-Blood Prince, my father's little tike.
I learned to fly on Mam's old broom, and pedal Da's old bike.
Da would take me to the pub and teach me to throw darts,
Then afterwards I'd sit with Mam and learn to cast Dark Arts.
CHORUS
They couldn't chose between 'em, so left me to the struggle
Of how to choose within myself 'tween wizarding and Muggle.
My Da would talk of his old school, while Hogwarts was Mam's joy.
The green-inked letter said it all, I was a wizard boy.
CHORUS
I thought it might be Ravenclaw where I would best fit in.
Imagine my excitement when the Hat said 'Slytherin!'
Sorted with the chosen pure, I knew I would go far,
Ambition is a virtue in the House of Salazar.
CHORUS
My friends were all around me. We followed Voldermort,
Till I had an epiphany and switched to Dumbledore.
My duty was to spy then, still stuck right in the middle.
My heart belonged to Dumbledore, my actions to Tom Riddle.
CHORUS
I took a vow that sealed my fate and made things all turn worse,
It led me to the tower where I cast the killing curse.
The bad guys they don't trust me, the good ones hate me too,
And we won't know my outcome till dear Rowling says it's through.
CHORUS:
A filk by Nymphadora to the tune of Your Eyes from Rent
SNAPE:
Her eyes…
On that boy I despise.
What a clever disguise…
For that guy…
To have her eyes.
Lily's eyes!
The ones that widened in surprise
The night when she met her demise
Oh, that Potter boy, he has her eyes.
How'd I let her slip away
And let that James Potter hold her?
When I see them, I realize
That to the Dark Lord I had sold her.
To the Dark Lord I had sold her.
When I look in Potter's eyes
Those which him to Lily ties!
She didn't care, I was there,
And despite all my tries…
She never loved me, never loved me…
And I still can feel it…
When I look in Potter's eyes.
Lily!!!
A filk by Ginger to the tune of I Second That Emotion by Smokey Robinson.
Sev Snape, sixth year potions student, is doing his homework for Slughorn. Seeing room for improvements, he makes a few adjustments, scribbling them in the margins of his book.
YOUNG!SNAPE:
Maybe you want to add some parrot's feet.
That ingred'ent's one I will delete.
Maybe you think you need a dash of gall,
But a skosh of monkey tears will do it all.
(chorus)
Oh, oh, This book has simply got no heart.
'Cuz potion-making is an art.
Oh, but I think I have what it takes,
To set this thing in motion.
I'll second-guess that potion.
Yeah, I won't blindly follow with
Lobotomized devotion.
I'll second-guess that potion.
I see my first batch of Felix turned out brown.
It should have been clear; that made me frown.
If I throw in a parsnip as it cools,
It turns out fine, so I say "screw the rules".
chorus
repeat verses and chorus- fade out last chorus.
To the tune of the old Henry Belafonte standard Matilda (in lieu of all the new Harry Belafonte standards).
THE SCENE: The Atrium of the Ministry of Magic. Magic superstar vocalist STUBBY BOARDMAN has once again come out of retirement to appear at a fundraiser for St. Mungo's and everyone who is anyone in the WW is there. BOARDMAN sings of a matter of some interest to all attendees.
STUBBY BOARDMAN:
Hey! Kedavra, Kedavra, Kedavra,
He murder Dumble in wicked betrayal.
Once again now!
BOARDMAN & AUDIENCE:
Kedavra, Kedavra, Kedavra, he murder Dumble in wicked betrayal.
BOARDMAN
Snapey, he be Dumble's right-hand man,
Then he do a deed so under-hand.
Heya! Kedavra, he murder Dumble in wicked betrayal.
Everybody!
Kedavra, sing out Delores
DELORES UMBRIDGE, (BOARDMAN) & AUDIENCE:
Kedavra, (sing it like a Howler)
Kedavra, he murder Dumble in wicked betrayal.
Once again now!
AUDIENCE & (BOARDMAN)
Kedavra, (sing it, Michael Corner),
BOARDMAN & CORNER
Kedavra, sing out, Delores
UMBRIDGE, CORNER & UMBRIDGE:
Kedavra, he murder Dumble in wicked betrayal.
BOARDMAN:
Snapey get the post Dark Arts Defense
Dumbledore, he lookin' pretty dense
A-hey, ah!
Kedavra, he murder Dumble in wicked betrayal.
Everybody!
BOARDMAN & AUDIENCE:
Kedavra, Kedavra,
Kedavra, he murder Dumble in wicked betrayal.
Once again now!
Kedavra, sing it Michael Corner,
CORNER:
Kedavra,
Kedavra, he murder Dumble in wicked betrayal.
BOARDMAN:
Malfoy boy he shiver and he shake
Snapey took a vow he dare not break
Don't you know,
Kedavra, he slaughter Dumble.......
Everybody...
BOARDMAN & AUDIENCE:
Kedavra, Kedavra,
Kedavra, he murder Dumble in wicked betrayal.
Once again now!
AUDIENCE & (BOARDMAN)
Kedavra, (Lumos, Sectumsempra)
Kedavra, (sing it, Harry Potter),
HARRY:
Kedavra, he murder Dumble in wicked betrayal.
BOARDMAN:
Women under forty inches?
WINKY
Kedavra, Kedavra,
Kedavra, he murder Dumble in wicked betrayal.
Everybody!
BOARDMAN
Kedavra, sing it Michael Corner,
BOARDMAN & CORNER
Kedavra, sing it, Harry Potter,
BOARDMAN, CORNER & HARRY:
Kedavra, he murder Dumble in wicked betrayal.
BOARDMAN:
Snapey run away so fleet and spry
Where he went, won't know until July
Uh, heya...
Kedavra, he murder Dumble in wicked betrayal.
Everybody!
(BOARDMAN) & AUDIENCE:
Kedavra,
Kedavra, (Portus-Aguamenti!)
Kedavra, he murder Dumble in wicked betrayal.
(Sing it like a Snidget)!
Kedavra, Kedavra,
Kedavra, he murder Dumble in wicked betrayal.
(EVERYBODY! )
Kedavra, Kedavra, (sing out, Delores!)
Kedavra, he murder Dumble in wicked betrayal!
A filk by Alessandra C. to the song of the same name by John Bonjovi
SNAPE:
This is the end, nothing can be changed
Everyday I feel like wasting away
I show no fear nor pain, and my face's so cold
I had to flee from the place I called home
I'm a traitor, I'm working for the dark side
I'm wanted dead or alive
Wanted dead or alive
Sometimes I sleep, sometimes it's not for days
The people I worked with never liked my teaching ways
Sometimes I can't rest
Can't close my eyes
I'm haunted by nightmnares that give me a cold sweat, like ice
I'm a traitor, I'm working for the dark side
I'm wanted dead or alive
Wanted dead or alive
I walk these streets without a friend to watch my back
I play for keeps, 'cause I might not make it back
My life feels like hell, and still I'm standing tall
I have tortured many men, 'cause I hated them all
I'm a traitor, I'm working for the dark side
I'm wanted dead or alive
I'm a traitor, Evil is on my side
I'm wanted dead or alive
Wanted dead or alive
A filk by Ms. Gehayi to the tune of I Am Woman
CANON SNAPE:
I am Sev'rus, hear me snark,
As I stare at my Dark Mark
And lock the Dark Lord firmly from my mind.
Kids incompetent and lazy
Are all driving me quite crazy--
Swear I'll hit the next Gryff with Full-Body Bind.
[Chorus]
Oh, yes, I am wise,
But it's wisdom born of pain.
It's not worth the stress
That is sending me insane.
If I had to--
I might do anything!
I am strong (Strong!)
I am a greasy git (A greasy git!)
I am Sev'rus...
SEXY SNAPE:
I am sexy, I am gay
And the fans like me that way--
Picture me spread-eagled on a feather bed!
Every person, every creature
(Save that house-elf) has been featured
In my sexual escapades...or so it's said...
[Chorus]
Oh, yes, I am hot,
And seductive, and a dom.
Don't dare say I'm not,
For in bed I am da bomb!
If I have to,
I can do everyone!
I am sex! (Sex!)
I am quite passionate (Quite passionate!)
I am Sev'rus...
CANON SNAPE:
Go away now, you're not me,
You could never hope to be--
You're the kind of Gary Stu I've come to hate.
SEXY SNAPE:
Fans will go mad if they lack
Snupin, Snarry, Snucius, Snack--
And you can't destroy me now, it's far too late!
CANON SNAPE:
Oh, Merlin, I am doomed.
SEXY SNAPE:
You have been for quite a while.
CANON SNAPE:
How have things mushroomed?
SEXY SNAPE:
You're going down in style.
CANON SNAPE:
If I have to...I will slay JKR!
I am shrewd! (Shrewd)
SEXY SNAPE:
I am the god of sex! (The god of sex!)
CANON & SEXY SNAPE:
I am Sev'rus...
A filk by The Final Stillness of Saturn to the tune of Newport Living by Cute Is What We Aim For
Slytherin's a let down,
And what depends is how much bad they can do.
In every group of students, the outcast
Feels all left out
And looks for some payback.
Out of the way…
But it's a social scene anyway,
So everybody wants to exploit the weird guy
Caught up in his little Hogwarts world,
But Hogwarts doesn't exist any mo-re,
Hogwarts doesn't exist any mo-re.
Sirius, I know you know I hate you.
And Potter, 'cause you follow behind him,
And Lupin, I know you know I hate you.
Pettigrew…
Snape was a sellout,
But he couldn't even do that right,
Which meant Draco's chest got slashed,
So Harry can never get Malfoy to turn back.
Snape was a sellout,
But he couldn't even do that right,
So Dumbledore's skull got smashed,
And now Order members will never take him back.
The social scene where James gets his fix
Shouldn't go past the Quidditch pitch,
But just look at their social clique:
Do you really think that are oh so slick?
Let's not let us forget
'bout him chasing Lily.
Snape uses vex for the hex.
Snape uses hex for the vex.
And he looks at that clique,
And he really cannot stand the star of it!
Snape was a sellout,
But he couldn't even do that right,
Which meant Draco's chest got slashed,
So Harry can never get Malfoy to turn back.
Snape was a sellout,
But he couldn't even do that right,
So Dumbledore's skull got smashed,
And now Order members will never take him back.
Sirius, I know you know I hate you.
And Potter, 'cause you follow behind him,
And Lupin, I know you know I hate you.
Pettigrew…
Snape was a sellout,
But he couldn't even do that right,
Which meant Draco's chest got slashed,
So Harry can never get Malfoy to turn back.
Snape was a sellout,
But he couldn't even do that right,
So Dumbledore's skull got smashed,
And now Order members will never take him back.
A filk by Potioncat to the tune of The House of the Rising Sun by the Animals
Tip Daily here with the Wireless Wizarding News Entertainment Moment. The newest trend has caught the industry by surprise, as hundreds of witches of all ages are dressing in black and singing a ballad about Severus Snape. A similar song was made popular a few years back by the singing sensation "The Animaguses." However, the ballad itself is very old and exists in many forms.
There is a house in Hogwarts School.
They call it Slytherin.
It is the ruin of wizarding boys,
When they are sorted in
.
My lover's heart was brave and true.
'Twas magic that he sought.
Ambition sorted him that day
And all else went for naught.
He chose the House of Salazar.
He made that grave mistake.
Though others trembled at his strength,
He lived and died by the snake
The only fate for a Slytherin
Is tragic, cruel and dark.
His sole reward is to be enslaved
By the whim of a burning mark
Children when you go for your sorting
And the Hat takes a look within
Demand for yourself a different house
If the Hat says Slytherin.
There is a house in Hogwarts School
They call it Slytherin
It is the ruin of wizarding boys
When they are sorted in.
A filk by Randy Estes to the tune of Fire and Rain by James Taylor
This filk is dedicated to Snapey Susan and all the Severus Fans
Just yesterday morning they let me know he was gone
Susanne the plans Jo made put an end to him
I walked out this morning and I wrote down this song
I just can't remember how the thing should end
Snape cast fire and he's felt pain
Those Death Eater days that he thought would never end
He's seen lonely times when he could not find a friend
But he always thought that he'd see her again
Won't you look down upon him, Albus
You've got to help him make a stand
You've just got to see him through another year
Your body's aching and what's gone wrong with your hand
Don't tell the Order his Patronus is a dear
Oh, Snape cast fire and he's felt pain
Those Death Eater days that he thought would never end
He's seen lonely times when he could not find a friend
But he always thought that he'd see her again
Been blocking his mind from Voldemort's kind with his help turned towards her son
Dark Lord knows when your mind he controls; he can turn your head around
Well, there's so many times he saved Potter's behind cause Albus says he's the one
Sweet dreams and flying machines in pieces on the ground
Oh, he's cast fire and he's felt pain
Those Death Eater days that he thought would never end
He's seen lonely times when he could not find a friend
But we always thought that we'd see you, Snapey, one more time again, now
Thought we'd see you one more time again
There's just a few things JKR missed this time around, now.
A filk (sort of) by Ann
I don't think there's anything I can say in defence of this, so I'll just link to an online version - fourth paragraph down - for comparisons, apologise to the shade of Geoffrey Chaucer, and hope that you think my words worth rather more than a turd.
A SNAPE ther was, and that a cruelle man
That fro the tyme that he first bigan
To teche Potiouns, he loved accuracye,
And abilitee, but nat curteisye.
Ful worthy was he in his lordes werre,
And to lengths hadde he gonne (no man ferre)
As wel in Hogwarts as in Malfoynesse,
And never honoured for his worthinesse.
At cauldron's side he was, whan they blew up;
Ful ofte tyme his pupils hadde screw up
Aboven all classes in thatte school.
'Idiot' hadde he seyd and eek 'You fool!',
No teaching man so ofte of his degree.
At Voldemorte's last sege eek hadde he be
Of the school, and hidden in the Shack.
For he hadde Eten Deeth, then changed tack
And spyed for Dumbledore secretly
Many tymes a traytor hadde he be.
At mortal perilles hadde he been fiftene,
And foughten for our side, always unseen
And duelled thryes, and ay slayn his fo.
With the Riotoures had he been also
And eek Lily, whanne they were all at school
Of which came Sirius' pranke cruelle
And evermore they hadde a mightee hate
Which later sent that Dogge to his fate,
And for his yonge errors he had payde.
He never yet no vileinye unsayde
In al his lyf, un-to no maner wight
And to his pupils was a feersome sight.
But for to tellen yow of his array,
His robes were gode, but he was nat gay.
Of black he wered a Professor's geoun
Al greasy with his long hair hanging down;
For he was late y-come from his short lyf,
And wol now resten from his grief and strife.
A filk by Alessandra C. to the tune of the same name by Heartland
Severus Snape stares jealously at James Potter:
SNAPE:
Look at the two of you sit side by side
Lost in the moment and each other's face
So much in love, I'm alone in this place
Like there's nobody else in this hall
I was enough for her not long ago
I was her best friend, she once told me so
And she still means the world to me
Just so you know
Potter, careful to not hurt my girl!
Time changes everything
I must go on
And I'm not gonna stand in your way
I loved her first and I held her first
And a place in my heart will always be hers
From the first word she said
When she first smiled at me
I knew that my feelings for her run deep
And I prayed that she'd love me one day
'Cause it's so hard to give her away
I loved her first
How could that beautiful woman with you
Be the same freckled girl that I knew
The one that I told all of my secrets to
And kissed in my dreams all those nights
And I knew the first time she went out with you
It was only a matter of time
I loved her first and I held her first
And a place in my heart will always be hers
From the first word she said
When she first smiled at me
I knew that my feelings for her run deep
And I prayed that she'd love me one day
'Cause it's so hard to give her away
I loved her first
From the first word she said
When she first smiled at me
I knew that my feelings for her run deep
Lily will never know what I'm going through
'Cause I'm too scared to say “I love you”
I loved her first.
A filk by Opportunic Mayhem to the tune of Hey There, Delilah by Plain White T's
Hello there, Snapey what's it like there being dead and all?
And sorry about Nagini, she just answered nature's call
And the Elder Wand! I just had to have that wand!
The Elder Wand!
Hello there, Snapey, I am sorry I got caught in that,
But Harry's come to kill me and believe me that is that
Of little me!
I'm sure you'll see!
CHORUS
Oh, Snape just wash your hair!
Oh, Snape just wash your hair,
Snape just wash your hair,
Oh!Snape just was your hair.
Hello there Snapey, I am sorry about this,
But Harry's killed me and I'm in a dark abyss.
And I'm a babe!
The kind of babe that means a baby!
But surely maybe!
Hello there Snapey, you're looking rather great today!
And surely you can help save me from this awful disarray,
I'm sure you could!
Just think you can I'm sure you could!
I'm sure you could!
CHORUS
An eternity seems pretty long,
But surely this can come undone!
If not the world will never be the same!
Harry's to blame.
The fire here is pretty hot,
From the sweat my makeup's blot!
And I can't evil plotting here!
Just wash your hair!
And Snape, if you'll just wash your hair!
I'd tell ya, we'd be halfway there!
To saving me from this awful, pointless game!
That's all the same!
Hello there, Snapey,
I am probably annoying you,
But believe me there is nothing else to do but annoy you!
And that is fun!
It's really fun!
REPEAT CHORUS
(however many times you have to do it to make it annoying)
A filk by Lindsay Addison to the tune of the same name by Johnny Cash
SNAPE:
Well, you wonder why I always dress in black,
Why you never see bright robes upon my back,
And why does my appearance seem to have a spiteful tone.
Well, there's a reason for the things that I have on.
I wear the black to match my lank and greasy hair,
Addin' to the effect of my dead-eyed stare.
I wear it for Sirius Black who has long paid for his crime,
But who I'd gladly toss in jail any time.
I wear the black for students I have failed,
Whose scholarly success that I've curtailed.
They never seem to grasp that Potions aren't potpourri,
Why you'd think I was talking just to Hermionie.
Well, I've met with Harry Potter, as you've heard--
With his streak of lightning scar he's much preferred.
But I'm always reminded of his dad's old Quidditch knack,
Forgiveness isn't for the man in black.
I wear it for the parents I don't miss,
Whose arguments showed me love's best to be dismissed.
I wear the black in mournin' for the man I could have been,
Though I'd make the same choices all again.
And I wear it for the hundreds who have died,
Believin' the Dark Lord was on their side.
I wear it for a Hogwarts headmaster who has died,
Believin' Severus Snape was on his side.
Well, there's things that I will never be I know,
And no one likes me anywhere I go,
But okay, it's better no one knows or guesses why I fight
Or ever catch me looking half contrite.
'Cause I'd hate to wear a rainbow every day,
Or tell the world that everything's okay,
'Cause Voldemort's returned and no one knows who I will back--
'Long as I'm around, I'm the man in black.
To the tune of the same name from The Phantom of the Opera
THE SCENE: A cemetery near Spinners End. The adult HARRY POTTER, shortly after the birth of his third child, stands before a small, well-tended gravesite.
HARRY:
You were once my chief opponent
You were one I hated
Yet you saved my life from Quirrell
So our bond was fated.
Wishing you were somehow here again
Wishing you could somehow sneer
How I would smile to see your frown
Or hear put-downs from you
Wishing I could take your class again
Knowing what you've taught me since
I'd no inkling that you were a King
Under the guise of Prince.
Darkest Hell
Of the Death Eaters
And Voldy's regime, too
We fought them
But your best weapon
Was love, that redeemed you.
You were so brave
Your life you gave
To end the Dark
Lord's reign…..
Wishing you were
Somehow here, my friend
We two never
Said farewell
Your legacy
Lives on through me
My son shall bear your name!
All our bitterness
Long ago has ceased
Here at Spinners End may
You rest in peace...
Someday we'll meet
Again.
A filk by Alessandra C. to the tune of Apologize by Timbaland
HARRY:
Words fill my head but now
Snape's six feet underground
I still had so much to say
But now he can't hear a sound
You told me you hated me
Still you kept me safe and sound
And I...
Never told you "I'm sorry"
Didn't know you loved my mum so much ...
Now it's too late to apologize, it's too late
I know it's too late to apologize, it's too late
I wish I had another chance to talk again with you
If you were by my side I'd ask you to
Tell me all the truth
Yeah yeah
My hate for you was fire red, now I feel so blue
And I cry
Like a guardian angel, you've protected my life
Every day
It's too late to apologize, it's too late
I know it's too late to apologizes, it's too late
Woahooo woah
It's too late to apologize, it's too late
I know it's too late to apologize, it's too late
I know it's too late to apologize, yeah yeah
I know it's too late to apologize, yeah
Words fill my head but now
Snape's six feet underground ...