Igor Karkaroff

A filk by Gail to the tune of Lobachevsky by Tom Lehrer

Note: This filk absolutely pales in comparison to the original...if you can get to hear it, please do!

Another Note: For this filk, Karkaroff has reverted to his Russian accent.

A Third Note: The Official Igor Karkaroff emoticon : (>

KARKAROFF (Speaking)
How did I get in this horrible mess?
A man who has been forced to flee.
And why am I this much in distress?
Nervously twisting around my goatee.

(Singing)
My fellow D.E.s I betrayed
I am the one to blame
And the fully reformed D.E. Igor Karkaroff is my name
Hi!
The fully reformed D.E. Igor Karka-

(Speaking)
I am never forget the day I am caught.
In one word I tell you how I was then feeling...

Terrified

(Singing)
Terrified
Six months tracked down by Mad-Eye
(Of course back then he had both pairs of eyes)
I can't deny
I was terrified, terrified, terrified...

(Speaking)
Only to be sure I did not loose my composure.

(Singing)
And ever since that fateful day
My life is not the same
And the fully reformed D.E. Igor Karkaroff is my name
Hi!
The fully reformed D.E. Igor Karka-

(Speaking) I am never forget the day I am first taken to trial

With Dementors right outside the door I am bound to the chair before the Head of the Department of Magical Law Enforcement and a room full of angry people who would like nothing more than to see me tossed in into Azkaban and the key thrown away.

Bozhe moi!

This is a disaster

But then, I get brilliant idea...ha-ha!

(Singing)
Dolohav Antonin
Did countless Muggles in
And Evans Rosier
With one man Mulciber
They worked for Voldemort
The Travers were, I'm sure
The McKinnon's murderers
And Rookwood spied
From the inside
And finally
There's Severus Snape

When Crouch knows I have names
Ha ha! My neck it will be saved!

With Snape Severus,
Rookwood, Augustus
Both the Travers
Evan Rosier
And Mulciber
Plus Dolohov
Names I'll list off
For me freedom will come
Yes, for me freedom will come

I'll testify
I will not lie
They all worked for
Lord Voldemort

Then in Azkaban my name is cursed
When they learn that my sentence was reversed

And who do all the D.E.s hate
Up to this very day?
The fully reformed D.E. Igor Karkaroff is my name
Hi!
The fully reformed D.E. Igor Karka-

(Speaking)
I am never forget the day the Dark Mark burns again

The third task of the Tri-Wizard Competition.

Immediately I know the Dark Lord has returned.

And Snape is no help.

Well, at first I am thinking,
Темный Бог возвратился! Что случится со мной?
I'm in trouble.

But then...then I think,
Моя жизнь не стоит одного старого Нута
I'm in trouble.

It is at that time I run away.

If ever I am again tracked down and caught,
I will have to wait until Book Five to find out.

(Singing)
If I am Crucio-ed
And if I am then slain
The fully reformed D.E. Igor Karkaroff is still my name
Hi!

A filk by Gail to the tune The Night Before by the Beatles

KARKAROFF (& DURMSTRANG CHORUS):
Was caught by Mad-Eye (ah...famous Auror)
Sentenced for my crimes (ah...he broke the law)
But to save my skin, I confessed my sins
I'm no longer with Lord Voldemort

I then testified (ah...'gainst Voldemort)
And all his allies (ah...Death Eater corps)
To Crouch I gave names, then my freedom came
I am not a D.E. any more

At Durmstrang I was hired and after some time
I became the Headmaster and everything was fine

Many years went by (ah...twelve years or more)
I hoped he had died (ah..Lord Voldemort)
The mark on my arm was cause for alarm
It meant the return of Voldemort

Snape said, "What's the fuss?", but I was nervous
Don't want to face a mad Voldemort

My fellow Death Eaters I publicly decried
And because of my betrayal I know that I'm despised

I recall the night (ah...couldn't ignore)
I was mortified (ah...was like before)
Dark Mark's burning black, it must mean he's back
Had to run and flee from Voldemort
Flee from Voldemort