Death Eater Lieder
The Death Easter Bunny
When wascally wabbits go wabid...
Image © 2005 by Red Scharlach
Image © 2005 by Red Scharlach
* = Post-OOP
** = Post-HBP
Copyright 2000-2002, 2004-2006 by Caius Marcius, except The Voldemort Rag Copyright 2000 by cmshaw; We Do! Copyright 2001 by Martin Smith; Casket Case, Killing Me Slowly and You're Messing With the D.E.s Now Copyright 2002 by Niche Eenhoorn; Death Eater Copyright 2002 by Ellen Anglin; Little Shop of Aurors Copyright 2002 by Tann; Murdering Muggles After Dark Copyright 2003 by DangerMouse; Beware Walden McNair, The Dark Side and Voldemort, My Lord Copyright 2003, 2005 by Gail; The Voldemort Rag Copyright 2003 by Pippin; Dark Wizards Copyright 2003 by Jonathan Pessin; Tattooed On My Arm Copyright 2003 by GiNnY; Cruel Copyright 2003 by Aeterna; We Death Eaters Copyright 2003 by Iggy McSnurd; I'm a Death Eater Copyright 2004 by Indigo Ziona; Death Eaters Copyright 2004 by Jason LeBouef; Following the Dark Lord Copyright 2004 by The Final Stillness of Saturn; Death Eatin' Copyright 2004 by Wolfwoman; Fellow Death Eaters Copyright 2004 by Murasaki; Should've Been a Jedi Copyright 2005 by Ginger; This Potter Copyright 2005 by BlackFirestone; Evil Dark Wizards #12 & 35 (Everybody Must Get Cursed) Copyright 2005 by Luna Goldstein; The Pureblood Life Copyright 2006 by The Final Stillness of Saturn; Morsmordre & We're the D.Es Copyright 2006, 2007 by JustJeanette
To the tune of the Mickey Mouse Club theme
FWIW, this is the very first HP filk I ever wrote, on October 11, 2000.
Enter CHORUS OF DEATH EATERS
CHORUS
Who's the skull-projecting gang
That causes such distress?
D-E-A-T-H E-A-T-E-R-S
The house of Gryffindor, we think, should have one student less
D-E-A-T-H E-A-T-E-R-S
We eat death! Like Macbeth!
Avada Kedrava, it's your final breath!
Death! Breath! Yeth!
We slithered out from Slytherin to serve him fearfully
V-O-L-D-E-M-O-R-silent-T!
He's now alive, and come Book Five, then Potter's history:
V-O-L "He'll give Harry 'L'"
D-E-M - "He'll get the rest of 'em, too!"
O-R-silent-T
A filk by Gail to the tune of Take A Walk On The Wild Side by the Velvet Underground
Riddle was an excellent pupil
Always able to charm the people
With Dark Wizards he'd consort
Changed his name, now he's Voldemort
He says, "Hey wizards
Come with me to the dark side."
He says, "Hey y'all,
Come with me to the dark side."
Lucius was proud he was a pure-blood
Really hated those Muggles and Mudbloods
Wanted to see them all killed
Was in the inner circle
You know, Lucius
Joined Voldemort on the dark side
Said, Malfoy
Came with him to the dark side
And the Death Eaters go
doo do doo do doo do do doo
doo do doo do doo do do doo
Peter was one of Potter's closest friends
But one day that all came to an end
A spy he was for one full year
Before he was made Secret Keeper, but then Peter
He was there on the dark side
Said, Wormtail
He was there on the dark side
Barty Crouch Junior came from a good family
But hung out with the wrong company
He was found with D.E.s
Should have heard him scream, scream, scream
He said, "Father,
I didn't do it," he cried
Y'know, Barty
He was caught on the dark side
That's right, huh
Snape was always into the Dark Arts
Knew lots of curses right from the start
'Though he was thus inclined
Something made him change his mind
Said, Snape babe
He was once on the dark side
But now, Severus
He ain't there on the dark side
And the Death Eaters go
doo do doo do doo do do doo
doo do doo do doo do do doo
A filk by Jonathan Pessin to the tune of Eleanor Rigby by the Beatles
Ah, look at all the evil wizards
Ah, look at all the evil wizards.
Lucius Malfoy, giving a book to the child of his redheaded foe
What did he know?
Has a son, Draco, who he has taught to have evil and sarcastic wit;
Wow, he's a git!
All the evil wizards,
Where do they all come from?
All the evil wizards,
To whom do they belong?
Barty Crouch Junior, playing the part of an Auror to teach at the school;
That isn't cool!
Alastor Moody, trapped in his trunk so his captor can cut off his hair,
Tied up down there!
All the evil wizards,
Where do they all come from?
All the evil wizards,
To whom do they belong?
Tommy M. Riddle, tries to escape any death that one day has to come,
"Muggles are scum!"
Changes his name now, 'cause he's a jerk and he wants to escape from the grave,
Really depraved.
All the evil wizards,
Where do they all come from?
All the evil wizards,
To whom do they belong?
A filk by Ellen Anglin based on Man Eater by Daryl Hall & John Oates (with special consideration for the Lestrages.)
Enter CHORUS OF DEATH EATERS
We come out to hunt at night
To stalk the Muggle type
Our game is not new,
We've played it all before
Torture and Killing
Oh, you may try to flee, but you won't get thru the door
Hooded forms are 'bout all you'll see
Just try to run, you'll never get free
So wicked and wild,
Not to be tamed by Azkaban or an Auror
Power's the matter
We're in it for love
Of our Dark Lord Voldemort
CHORUS:
(Oh here we come)
Watch out Squibs we'll chew you up
(Oh here we come)
We're the Death Eaters
(Oh here we come)
Mud-bloods we will chew you up
(Oh here we come)
We're the Death Eaters
I wouldn't if I were you
I know what he can do
V's deadly man, and he is gonna rip your world apart
Avada Kedavra!
Ooh, the bright flash of green, and the Dark Mark is in the sky
CHORUS
Ooh,
Oh here we come
Here we come
Watch out squibs we'll chew you up
Whoa here we come
(Watch out)
We're the Death Eaters
Oh here we come
We're the Death Eaters
Mudbloods we will chew you up
(Oh here we come)
Here we come, We're the Death Eaters
(Oh here we come)
(Watch out)
Come out to hunt at night, ooh
(Oh here we come)
Here we come
We're the Death Eaters
(Oh here we come)
We're the Death Eaters
So wicked and wild ooh
(Oh here we come)
Here we come
Watch out boy, watch out boy
(Oh here we come)
Oh, watch out, watch out, watch out, watch out
(Oh here we come)
Yeah yeah we're the Death Eaters
(Oh here we come)
(We're the Death Eaters)
Torture and Killing
(Oh here we come)
We're the Death Eaters
Note to Death-Eating Choir Directors: Song invokes more fear when appropriately customized - feel free to replace "Squibs" and "Mud-Bloods" with "Harry," "Aurors" or other suitable target.
A filk by Martin Smith to the tune of We Do! - The Stonecutters' Song from The Simpsons
THE SCENE: The Malfoy Mansion
NARCISSA (spoken): Lucius, a man who called himself You-Know-Who just invited you to a secret wink-wink at the you-know-what. You surely are popular now that you're a Death Eater.
LUCIUS (spoken): Oh, yeah. (reads official D.E. Calendar™ ) "Muggle tortures, Mudblood killings, curses, Slytherin Selebrations, D.E. meetings, Parseltongue Parties…" It's wonderful, Narcissa! I've never felt so accepted in all my life. These people looked deep within my soul and assigned me a number based on the order in which I joined.
Switch to a huge dinner table, assembled DE's swinging goblets of butterbeer
DEATH EATERS (music)
Who controls the Gringotts' bank?
Who kills Muggles just for prank?
We do! We do!
Who loves unforgivable curse?
Who thinks Mudbloods are scum, or worse?
We do! We do!
Who holds back Dumbledore's old crowd?
Who says Avada Kedavra out loud?
We do! We do!
Who obeys Lord Voldy's word?
Who makes plans to rule the world?
We do! We do!
A filk by Gail to the tune Kumbaya
Enter the Death Eater Chorus (holding hands and singing and gently swaying together under the greenish glow of a Dark Mark which illuminates the evening sky)
Vol-de-mort, my lord, Vol-de-mort, Vol-de-mort, my lord,
Vol-de-mort,Vo-de-mort, my lord, Vol-de-mort
Dark Lord, Vol-de-mort
Wizards frightened, Vol-de-mort,
Wizards frightened, Vol-de-mort,
Wizards frightened, Vol-de-mort
Dark Lord, Vol-de-mort
Foes are conquered , Vo-de-mort,
Foes are conquered, Vol-de-mort,
Foes are conquered, Vol-de-mort
Dark Lord, Vo-de-mort
Mudbloods tortured, Vol-de-mort,
Mudbloods tortured, Vol-de-mort,
Mudbloods tortured, Vol-de-mort
Dark Lord, Vol-de-mort
Muggles dying, Vo-de-mort,
Muggles dying, Vo-de-mort,
Muggles dying,
Vol-de-mort
Dark Lord, Vo-de-mort
A filk by The Final Stillness of Saturn to La Vie Boheme A from the musical Rent
The Aurors come into Azkaban just after Voldemort's fall to deposit a newly incriminated Death Eater and, of course, to spread the news of You-Know-Who's demise. The inmates, insanity aside, are less than willing to accept his fate and/or know that he will return.
(The Black refers to Regulus. ALL does not include Kingsley or Moody.)
Moody, Kingsley walks in with a Death Eater suspect. Bellatrix immediately uncurls from the corner of her cell.
BELLATRIX
Who's here?
KINGSLEY
One more crony.
Other Death Eaters come to the bars of their cells.
BELLATRIX, RODOLPHUS, RABASTAN, DOLOHOV
A phony.
The Death Eaters mutter to themselves as Moody sings.
MOODY
So you say, but in my way
I'm cleaning up all your mess,
Unlike aurors sitting behind a desk.
Do you think I'll take what you say as right?
Pure wizard race, a Pureblood race--
A fantasy in your head.
We are the Aurors,
And You-Know-Who is dead.
Bellatrix smiles at this. Kingsley and Moody put the suspect into a cell. Meanwhile, the devout Death Eaters have all come forward in their cells.
BELLATRIX
Dearly beloved we gather here to say our goodbyes.
The other prisoners mutter under their breath as they watch Bellatrix.
Now they're gone--
Bet you want to cry--
The late great Lily, that Potter guy.
On this night we laugh as you say good-bye.
In this prison, here in Azkaban
We praise our class; we risk your ass for
The Pureblood life.
ALL
The Pureblood life!
The Pureblood life!
The Pureblood life!
The Pureblood life!
BELLATRIX
To days of innovation
Getting info, making screaming come from people
The need to cause pain,
And, at any rate,
To making victims' eyes flood,
Killing Mudbloods.
Killing them.
To being so sure of torture
To making them so demure,
To weeding out the impure,
Being mature, being secure
There's so much more, of course,
Being so near the Dark Lord.
To Cruciatus,
Enjoying all of the screams
To dreams, to all that we've seen.
To making clean- to ends.
To how bodies bend.
To all those cursing sprees!
To being a group as one-- by so hating them!
ALL
The Pureblood life!
The Pureblood life!
MOODY
Ahhemm!
BELLATRIX
Hey Kingsley- know you get me.
KINGSLEY
So that means you think I your deeds understand,
When I'd really rather you die with dementors
Or just pass on from a grave curse.
MOODY
Stop.
KINGSLEY
I meant it all.
MOODY
But it's what they want.
KINGSLEY
'Cause she likes Aurors to taunt,
but she will learn.
ALL
He'll return!
RABASTAN+RODOLPHUS
To well-rounded hist'ries of Pureblood families.
To mansions, to murder, to hearing them say "PLEASE!"
To siblings, to children, to all that we can do.
To good old Slytherin and ev'rything he knew!
ROOKWOOD+DOLOHOV
To potions, devotion, to causing a commotion,
Sensation, salvation.
BELLATRIX
All the celebration!
RABASTAN+RODOLPHUS
Deserters, converters, to murder while it's fun.
DOLOHOV
To Prewett!
ROOKWOOD
To Potter!
FOUR DEs
To Aurors we've outdone!
RABASTAN+AVERY
Fenwick, Dearborn, McKinnon, and Black!
RODOLPHUS
Edgar Bones!
BELLATRIX
All of those!
RABASTAN
To Purebloods!
ROOKWOOD
To quarrels!
DOLOHOV
To morals!
AVERY
And fam'ly values, too!
BELLATRIX+RODOLPHUS
Why Frankie and his mind went out through the window
Just following his wife.
ALL
The Pureblood life!
Moody and Kingsley look utterly disgusted with this display.
KINGSLEY
Get you?
BELLATRIX
Of course.
RODOLPHUS+RABASTAN+AVERY+ROOKWOOD+DOLOHOV
And us!
ALL
Generation, explaination, Veritaserum,
Torture theorems, all being condemned, men, through the P.M.
So refined, near divine, reign defined,
Casting of Avada Kedavra, chase if they'd run,
And of course, Morsmordre
To damaging, to rampaging, to war waging, foe engaging!
Pureblood Haven- end of Mudbloods, the killing,
To no shame - no more playing the blame game!
BELLATRIX
To Imperio!
ALL
To massacre,
Exactly what we prefer,
To all we were!
Kingsley shudders.
BELLATRIX
Kingsley...Kingsley...Kingsley!
ALL
The Pureblood life!
BELLATRIX
In honor of the death of Lily Potter, an impromptu salon will commence
immediately following dinner.
MOODY
The Death Eaters, still in their spectacular year-round encagement in the
Azkaban prison,
Will sing forlorn, depressing curses and chants about missing You-Know-Who,
While occupying themselves with all of the Dementors,
Which they can never overcome.
RODOLPHUS
Shacklebolt will realize all his insecurities about his inability to beat a
Death Eater on third Saturdays.
RABASTAN
Mad-Eye Moody, member of the Auror clan, will perform his famous toast-
trashbin mix-up with imaginary intruders.
AVERY
Someone will manage to buy an innocent, clear way out of here,
Act. Like he doesn't still owe his allegiance.
ROOKWOOD
Rodolphus, Rabastan will now recount their most recent victims from their cells,
Not incriminating themselves because you will do nothing about it.
RODOLPHUS
And Bella will tell of her exploits as his right-hand girl,
Including our successful, fun torturing of the Longbottoms into their insanity. Meanwhile,
To reaffirm, let us share our motto.
ALL
Purebloods are superior. Kill all Mudbloods!
KINGSLEY
Hey, Moody, don't you think this is wrong?
We come to prison, get mocked all along.
MOODY
They've been trying; I'm not buying.
They just hate us 'cause we're Aurors.
KINGSLEY
Don't you get, bud, that they're lying?
I joined with the Aurors to beat this slime.
MOODY
We should leave here.
KINGSLEY
We're the Aurors here.
MOODY
Should leave here,
BOTH
Aurors!
OTHERS:
HE'LL RETURN!
Kinglsey slams the door to the prisoner's cell, and Moody beckons the dementors forward. The Aurors exit hastily as the Death Eaters slump back into the corners of their cells.
To the tune of The Ballad of the Green Berets
THE SCENE: A disreputable tavern on Knockturn Alley. Enter CHORUS OF DEATH EATERS
McNAIR
Great Salazar, we are thrice-blessed
The Slytherin Snake is upon our crest
We've Voldemort who hardball plays
And we have wands shooting green death rays
CHORUS
Skulls to scream across the sky
An evil hex to make folks die
A dark tattoo to proudly blaze
On the arms of men shooting green death rays
GOYLE (pere)
Those who'd slight pure wizard blood
Who'd mingle it with Muggles' mud
For their stance we'll make them pay
When we target them with a green death ray
CHORUS
Screaming skulls across the sky
An evil hex to make folks die
Wizards who chant their Avada K's
As they wave wands shooting green death rays
LUCIUS MALFOY
Soon my son will earn his NEWTS
He shall adopt mature pursuits
He shall learn to be a man
And to keep his butt out of Azkaban
LUCIUS & CHORUS
Put the Dark Mark on my/his son's arm
Let him cast the Kedrava charm
He shall win his father's praise
When his wand first fires green death rays.
A filk by cmshaw to the tune of The Vatican Rag by Tom Lehrer
First you App'rate without a sound,
Drop your knees down to the ground,
Bow your head with great respect,
And genuflect, genuflect, genuflect!
Scream whatever scream you want if
You have cut your own right hand off.
Let the spare have a
Avada Kedavra,
Doin' the Voldemort Rag!
Circle round in that processional,
Step right up and act confessional.
There the guy who's got the power'll
Tell you no treason's allowable.
If you need a small reminder
Crucio would be much kinder.
Rah! Rah! Sis! Boom!
Time to summon You-Know-Whom!
So you App'rate without a sound,
Drop your knees down to the ground,
Bow your head with great respect,
And genuflect, genuflect, genuflect!
Make the Mudbloods shriek and struggle;
In Slytherin don't be a Muggle.
Priori Incantatem!
Greet your dad and dead mum!
Gettin' enthralled an'
Sorta appalled an'
Doin' the Voldemort Rag!
A filk by Pippin to the tune of The Vatican Rag by Tom Lehrer
First you get down on your knees
Shiver like you're gonna freeze
Bow your heads, each one of them
And kiss the hem, kiss the hem, kiss the hem
Muggles, Mudbloods are in danger
We've got Potter, we'll get Granger
Everybody at 'em
Finite Incantatem
Doin' the Voldemort Rag
Members of my inner circle will
Get the chance to torture, maim and kill
We're the gang that's incorrigible
With the curse that's unforgivable
Law Enforcement cannot catch us
We'll be gone before they snatch us
Two, four, six, eight
We can all Disapparate
So get down upon your knees
Swear eternal loyalties
Crawl to me and kiss my hem
Yeah! S&M, S&M, S&M
Grab a mask and put it on if
You're an evil wizard goniff
Avada Kedavra
Gee, it's great to have ya
Goin' ballistic an'
Gettin' sadistic an'
Doin' the Voldemort Rag!
A filk by GiNnY to the tune of Tattooed On My Mind by D'Sound
Setting: A DEATH EATER ponders his past, his future and that of his Order as the symbol of the Dark Lord grows dim in the years following his defeat.
DEATH EATER:
Maybe they all forgot about him.
Death Eater future is looking grim.
I know for sure I can't forget,
Though the Mark is starting to dim.
'Cause I can't get it out of my skin.
Oh I know that it's a dangerous charm.
A Dark Mark is tattooed on my arm.
And I can't get it out of my skin.
It's what he used when we were all called.
All we can do is obey.
When you feel it, must apparate by his side.
Answer him without delay.
And I can't get it out of my skin.
Oh I know that it's a dangerous charm.
A Dark Mark is tattooed on my arm.
And I can't get it out of my skin.
His followers will never be safe
If he will remain no more than a waif.
And no promises will ever soothe our minds
Unless he comes and he rescues all those of his kind.
'Cause I can't get it out of my skin.
Oh I know that it's a dangerous charm.
A Dark Mark is tattooed on my arm.
And I can't get it out of my skin.
Yes I know it's tattooed on my arm,
It's tattooed....
A filk by DangerMouse to the tune of Tom Lehrer's Poisoning Pigeons in the Park
Voldy is here! Oh, ah, Voldy is here!
Life is darker now, filled with fear!
I think the loveliest thing you can hear is a scream!
I do. Don't you? Of course you do.
But there's one thing that makes life complete for us,
And makes every evening a treat for us!
Oh we have no regrets
When the sun finally sets
And we're murdering Muggles after dark!
Every night you will see
My buddies and me
As we murder the Muggles after dark!
When they see us coming, the squibs all go try and hide,
But we always find them, no matter where they reside!
The Dark Mark is bright!
What a wonderful sight!
While we're murdering Muggles after dark!
We've gained notoriety and caused much anxiety
In the Wizarding Society with our games!
Our secret society enjoys impropriety,
And loves insobriety as we cast up our flames!
But for us it's almost a religion,
When we go commit a deadly sin!
So if your blood is pure
Come and take our brochure
And we'll murder the Muggles after dark!
And maybe we'll do
In a Mudblood or two
While we're murdering Muggles after dark!
We'll murder them all with curses and merriment,
Except for the few we take with us to torment!
With joy our hearts swell with each killing spell
We cast on the Muggles
Let's laugh at their struggles
While we're murdering Muggles after dark!
A filk by Tann to the tune of Prologue from The Little Shop of Horrors
DUMBLEDORE is sitting before his Pensieve. He turns to the audience as the scene begins to dissolve...
DUMBLEDORE (spoken) On the thirty-first day of the month of October, in an early year of a decade not too long before our own, the Wizarding World saw the downfall of a deadly threat to its very existence - but the followers of this terrifying enemy - as such followers often do - sought a means to restore his power from the most innocent and unlikely of sources!
BARTY CROUCH, JR, M. and MME. LeSTRANGE are standing in a 1960s unison dancer style line, dressed like the Death Eater versions of the Ronettes/Crystals/Chiffons. They sing:
Crucio!
Crucio the Aurors!
Crucio!
Crucio Wand-Bearers!
Show the foe!
Crucio the Aurors
For You-Know-Who, oh, oh!
Crucio!
Crucio the Aurors!
Whoa-ho-ho!
Crucio Wand-Bearers!
Throw the woe!
Crucio the Aurors
For You-Know-Who, oh, oh!
Shing-a-ling!
Voldemort was King till that Harry thing!
(Dark Lord! Dark Lord! Dark Lord! Dark Lord!)
Shang-a-lang!
Then his power went bang in a flash of green!
(Gree-yee-yee-yeen!)
Sha-la-la!
Harry's got a scar - Voldy's vanishing!
We gotta - we gotta find out where our Lord is,
Where our Master, good ol' Voldemort is -
We gotta
Interrogate with tortures obscene!
Oh!
Poor Frank Longbottom!
Someone wrong got 'im!
Oh, oh, oh, no-oh!
Oh!
Dish the dirt, Frankie!
This will hurt, Frankie!
Oh, oh, oh, no! Oh, oh, oh, no-oh!
Crucio!
Tell us what you know, Frank, we're warning you!
(Speak out! Speak out! Speak out! Speak out!)
Twist the knife!
Make him watch his wife as she screams again!
(Agai-yai-yai-yain!)
Pitch the pain
Till his tortured brain turns his mind to goo!
You'd better, You'd better tell us - Where's the Master?
If you wanna die a little faster,
You'd better
Tell us how to bring back his Reign!
(Comma comma comma!)
Crucio!
Crucio the Aurors! (Crucio, yeah!)
Crucio!
Use all of your terrors! (Crucio, yeah!)
C'mon, Crucio!
Crucio the Aurors!
For You-Know-Who, oh, You-Know-Who, oh, ohhhhhhhhhhhh!
To the tune of Angels We Have Heard on High
THE SCENE: The Malfoy Estate. Enter Chorus of Death Eaters, costumed as carollers
CHORUS
Eaters, make them hurt and cry and sing out with severe pain
Let ev'ry DE voice vie in a hymn we must not name
Cru-oo-oo-oo-oo-cio
Avada Kedrava!
Deck the holly and the wreath, share a glass of sweet eggnog
Put Potter six feet beneath or feed him to Aragog
Cru-oo-oo-oo-oo-cio
Avada Kedrava!
Hail our great Lord Voldemort, he's once more physically here
He has a surprise in store for the coming fiscal year
Cru-oo-oo-oo-oo-cio
Avada Kedrava!
A filk by
The Death Eaters are being summoned after a foolish naive wizard tries to capture them
CHORUS OF DEATH EATERS
Voldemort will provide!
Nott...Scott...Worth...Thorne
Eenhoorn...Malfoy...Epans...Lestrange...
Macnair...Avery...Crabbe...Wayton
Acadius...Van Kampen...
Crouch...Pettigrew...Goyle...Myers
Barlow...Denker...Aude
Nott...Scott...Thorne...Goyle...
Myers...Macnair...Avery...Crouch...
Worth...Epans...Wayton...Barlow...
Denker...Eenhoorn...Malfoy....Aude....
Death Eaters have gathered... and start taunting the victim
VOLDEMORT (and CHORUS)
So you think you've got friends in high places,
With the power to put me in Azkaban...
Well please notice these smirks on our faces
You'll know what power is when we are through... with you...
You're messing with the D.E.'s now,
Messing with the D.E.'s now (oh we're evil...)
Every curse and gesture
Tells you who's the best
You're messing with the D.E.'s now.
(Voldemort will provide)
You're messing with the D.E.'s now (Nott...Scott...Crabbe...Goyle)
You're messing with the D.E.'s now (Eenhoorn...Malfoy...Epans...Lestrange)
Stop your foolish tricks now,
Watch a true Dark wizard
Give an exhibition how
Don't draw your silly wand, boy,
You're messing with the D.E.'s now
CHORUS
Voldemort will provide!
Nott...Scott...Worth...Thorne
Eenhoorn...Malfoy...Epans...Lestrange...
Acadius...Van Kampen...
Macnair...Avery...Crabbe...Wayton
VOLDEMORT & CHORUS
You're messing with the D. E.'s now,
You're messing with the D. E.'s now
Listen to our chorus
Now you'll kneel before us
Praising our splendorous power,
You dare to show up
And put up a fight
Do you think we show no spite?!
It's the dust you're gonna bite!
But first, you will have to bow (kowtow!)
Or it's your own grave you'll dig, cause,
You're messing with the D.E's,
Messing with the D.Es,
Messing with the D.Es,
Messing with the D.Es,
Messing with the D.Es,
Messing with the D.Es, now!
A filk by
Causing me pain with a weird spell,
Stealing my life with his curse
Killing me slowly with his wand
Killing me slowly with his wand
Taking control of my whole mind
Killing me slowly with his wand...
I heard they had the power,
I heard they lived with style,
And so I came to join them,
And hang out for a while,
But there, he was, this monster
Staring in my eyes.
Causing me pain with a weird spell,
Stealing my life with his curse
Killing me slowly with his wand
Killing me slowly with his wand
Taking control of my whole mind,
Killing me slowly with his wand...
I felt all crushed and dizzy
Embarrassed by their taunts,
They made me dress as Britney
And sing her songs out loud,
I hoped that it would finish
but they just laughed some more
Causing me pain with a weird spell,
Stealing my life with his curse
Killing me slowly with his wand
Killing me slowly with his wand
Taking control of my whole mind,
Killing me slowly with his wand...
Oooooooooohooooohoooo
Waaaaaaaaaahahahahahah
In the original version this is quite a nice musical sequence. Keep in mind that in this parody, this is actually quite an off-key scream
I asked someone to help me
But they just laughed and stared
I guess they saw right through me
Well, yes I'm Godric's heir!
I called them "bunch of racists"
Which wasn't smart at all...
Causing me pain with a weird spell,
Stealing my life with his curse
Killing me slowly with his wand
Killing me slowly with his wand
Taking control of my whole mind,
Killing me slowly with his wand...
A filk by Niche Eenhoorn to the tune of Basket Case by Green Day
I guess it is time
for you to hear me brag
About the Unforgivables that I cast
I just can't stand those
Pathetic Muggle fools
Idiotic to the bones
I can't handle it
Oh yes I love to give them the creeps,
I scare the hell out of those peeps,
Euphoria building up,
I lose all self-control
I point my wand at them,
And cast a spell!
One day I fell ill,
The doctor came to me,
He said that my dark spells
Are wearing me down
I went to a pub,
And drowned myself in rum,
Not casting evil curses
Had brought me down
I bet it was just a simple cold,
Or that bread I ate covered in mold,
Now I've got lots to do,
I think I'll start with you
Now which of the unforgivables
Shall I use?
Yes, I feel alright,
So you better hold tight!!
A filk by Aeterna to the tune of Blue by Eiffel 65
LUCIUS:
Yo listen up: here's a story
About an evil guy
That lives in a cruel world
And all day and all night
And all his words and actions are cruel
Like him inside and outside
Cruel his house with a cruel little window
And a cruel broomstick
And everything is cruel for him
And himself and everybody around
'Cause he's got Mudblood people
To torture ...
(to torture
to torture
to torture)
VOLDEMORT:
I'm cruel,
And all the mudbloods will die,
And all the mudbloods will die,
And all the mudbloods will die,
And all the mudbloods will die,
And all the mudbloods will die,
And all the mudbloods will die,
And all the mudbloods will diiiiiiiie.
(4x)
In Harry's mind I have a cruel window.
Cruel is the feeling in my Crucio.
Imperio and my Avada, too.
I've got Nagini, and she is so cruel.
Cruel are the Death Eaters that walk around.
Cruel like my high-pitched laugh that makes people hide.
Cruel are the words I say and what I think.
Cruel are the feelings that live inside me.
I'm cruel,
And Harry Potter will die,
And Harry Potter will die,
And Harry Potter will die,
And Harry Potter will die,
And Harry Potter will die,
And Harry Potter will die,
And Harry Potter will diiiiie.
(2x)
In Harry's mind I have a cruel window.
Cruel is the feeling in my Crucio.
Imperio and my Avada, too.
I've got Nagini, and she is so cruel.
Cruel are the Death Eaters that walk around.
Cruel like my high-pitched laugh that makes people hide.
Cruel are the words I say and what I think.
Cruel are the feelings that live inside me.
I'm cruel,
And I'm a mad mastermind,
And I'm a mad mastermind,
And I'm a mad mastermind,
And I'm a mad mastermind,
And I'm a mad mastermind,
And I'm a mad mastermind,
And I'm a mad mastermiiiiiind.
(2x)
LUCIUS:
Just cruel
Like him inside and outside
Cruel his house with a cruel little window
And a cruel broomstick
And everything is cruel for him
And himself and everybody around
'Cause he's got Mudblood people
To torture ...
(to torture
to torture
to torture)
VOLDEMORT:
I'm cruel,
And I'm afraid I will die,
And I'm afraid I will die,
And I'm afraid I will die,
And I'm afraid I will die,
And I'm afraid I will die,
And I'm afraid I will die,
And I'm afraid I will diiiiie.
(4x)
A filk by Iggy McSnurd to the tune of We Three Kings
We Death Eaters are Voldemort's horde,
Wielding wands, we follow our Lord,
Town and village, we claim but not pillage,
All to spread his Dark Word.
Chorus:
Oh Lord of wonders, Lord of night,
Lord who wields the killing green light,
Death evading, cruelly persuading,
Others to fall to his might.
Born a babe, with prophecy's claim,
To defeat Our Lord again and again,
We shall defeat him, thoroughly beat him,
To save our Dark Lord and his name.
Chorus
Crucius Curse to offer have I,
Avada Kedavra to make them die,
Dumbledore's tower, we'll raze him from power,
And raise Voldemort's rule on high.
Chorus
A filk by Indigo Ziona to the tune of I'm a Believer by the Monkees
I think good and evil are just fairy tales
Meant just for the weak and not the strong
Dark Lord came and got me
Asked me to join them
Now I bow down to kiss my Lord's hem
Cause I have seen his face
And I'm a Death Eater
There's not a trace
Of good in my heart
I kill kids, ooooh
I'm a Death Eater
Nothing is sweeter than Dark Arts
I just love to kick around my underlings
House Elves left to die and then to rot
Makes me feel quite happy
Almost every day
The Dark Lord kicks me around that way…
But I have seen his face!
And I'm a Death Eater!
There's not a trace
Of good in my heart
I kill kids, ooooh
I'm a Death Eater
Nothing is sweeter than Dark Arts…
A filk by Jason LeBouef to the tune of Freak-a-zoid (album version) by Midnight Star
VOLDEMORT (in a strange robotic-like voice)
Death Eaters.. Wizards, please report
Death Eaters.. Wizards, please report to the graveyard
(music)E-A-T-E-R-S
E-A-T-E-R-S. Death Eaters
E-A-T-E-R-S
E-A-T-E-R-S baby
Kill
DEATH EATERS
We are the Death Eaters, we're here to serve you Lord
We are the Death Eaters, we're here to serve you Lord
Here is the deal, baby now is the time
To go on a killing spree
Just shoot the dark mark, and we will be there
To serve our master's needs
You see
We are the Death Eaters, we're here to serve you Lord, ooh yes, Voldy
We are the Death Eaters, we're here to serve you Lord
VOLDEMORT:
Kill a Muggle like you just don't care I said-a
Be a Death Eater if you dare I said
Kill a Muggle like you just don't care I said-a
Be a Death Eater if you dare I said
I spell it
E-A-T-E-R-S
E-A-T-E-R-S baby
DEATH EATERS
So let's make it real let me Crucio you
I know just what you need
Cause I am so glad get rid of you
You fear is on what I feed
You see
We are the Death Eaters, we're here to serve you Lord, ooh yes, Voldy
We are the Death Eaters, we're here to serve you Lord
VOLDEMORT:
By now my body's near completion
The world is under my command
Take me to the Ministry
Battle at the MoM, voices echoing.
HARRY:
Oh oh oh oh oh oh
TONKS:
Ah ah ah ah ah ah ah
SIRIUS:
Bellatrix trix trix trix trix trix.
BELLATRIX:
Die die die die die die.
VOLDEMORT
I am Voldemort
We're gonna show you some destruction
Yes we are
We got Death Eater armies of Wizards
We don't stop don't stop rockin' the spells
They say they say
DEATH EATERS
Avada Kedavra Cruciatus Avada Kedavra
Avada Kedavra Cruciatus Avada Kedavra ra ra
Avada Kedavra Cruciatus Avada Kedavra
Avada Kedavra Cruciatus Avada Kedavra ra ra
MUGGLE: (spoken)
Oh! Hello. And what sort of a person are you.
DEATH EATER
I'm a Death Eater
MUGGLE:
A Death Eater?
And what do you do?
DEATH EATER
I kill M-U-G-G-L-E-S
MUGGLE:
M-U-G-G-L-E-S?
Muggles?
DEATH EATER
Crucio!
MUGGLE:
OWWWW!!! THAT HURTS! PLEASE STOP IT!
VOLDEMORT:
Death Eaters
E-A-T-E-R-S
E-A-T-E-R-S baby
Repeat
Kill!
DEATH EATERS
We are the Death Eaters, we're here to serve you Lord, ooh yes, Voldy
We are the Death Eaters, we're here to serve you Lord
Repeat until fade
A filk by The Final Stillness of Saturn to the tune of Following the Leader from Disney's Peter Pan
CHORUS OF DEATH EATERS:
Following the Dark Lord, the Dark Lord, the Dark Lord.
We're following the Dark Lord wherever he may go.
We won't be home till morning, till morning.
We won't be home till morning
Because he told us so.
Tee dum, tee dee
Do a Crucio today.
We're out for fun,
And this is the game we play.
Come on; join in,
And torture Muggles our way
Oh, a Cruci-ee-o!
Do Crucio today!
We're following the Dark Lord, the Dark Lord, the Dark Lord.
We're following the Dark Lord wherever he may go.
We won't be home till morning, till morning.
We won't be home till morning
Because he told us so.
Tee dum, tee dee
Do a Crucio today.
We curse a lot and
These are the words we say:
Tee dum, tee dee,
Now don't cause any delay!
Oh, a Cruci-ee-o!
Do a Crucio today!
Oh, a Cruci-ee-o!
Do a Crucio today!
A filk by JustJeanette to the tune of Mamma Mia by ABBA
I've been killing for you since the war began
And I made up my mind, it can not come to an end
Look at me now, I cast Crucio
I'll show you how, with Imperio I take control
There's no kindness within my soul
Just one curse and a new death I do bring
One more curse and they forget everything, Imperio-oh
Morsmordre, Dark Mark in the sky
Hie, Hie, Let's go kill some Muggles
Morsmordre, To our Lord we fly
Die, die, my curse it will not miss you
Yes, you'll be broken-hearted
Dead, soon our dear departed
Die, Die it is time for you to go?
Morsmordre, a Death Eater Call
Die, Die, watching all the Muggles fall.
I've been sneaky and bad doing deeds just for you
I can't count all the kills I've made to waiting for you
And now you're here, we can kill some more
Muggles shall fear, soon they'll all be gone
You know that we are that strong.
Just one curse and a new death I do bring
One more curse and they forget everything, Imperio-oh
Morsmordre, Dark mark in the sky
Hie, Hie, Let's go kill some Muggles
Morsmordre, To our Lord we fly
Die, die, my curse it will not miss you
Yes, you'll be broken-hearted
Dead, soon our dear departed
Die, Die it is time for you to go?
Morsmordre, our Lord send the call
Die, Die and split their souls forever.
Morsmordre, we come, one and all
Die, Die, Power now and ever.
Morsmordre, Dark mark in the sky
Hie, Hie, Let's go kill some Muggles
Morsmordre, To our Lord we fly
Die, die, my curse it will not miss you
Yes, you'll be broken hearted
Dead, soon our dear departed
Die, Die it is time for you to go?
Morsmordre, a Death Eater Call
Die, Die, watching all the Muggles fall.
To the tune of Our Time, from Sondheim's Merrily We Roll Along
Their voices pulsating with youthful idealism, Death Eaters LUCIUS MALFOY, BELLATRIX LESTRANGE & PETER PETTIGREW eagerly anticipate Voldemort's planned massacre of the Potter family.
LUCIUS
Someone who's shifty
Underground
Won't be undone
It'll be nifty
When he's found
Lily and James's son
It's all clear
It's so horrible
We're so horrible
See us here
We're so evil 'cause we're Death Eaters
We're Lucius, Bellatrix and Peter
Let them know now to fear us
It's our crime, mortal sin
Time to kill and kill again
His wrath they will rue
You-Know-Who, man,
You-Know-Who!
PETER:
He knows the secret
That I kept…..
BELLATRIX:
What?
PETER:
Where they dwell!
Shouldn't we three bet
He'll have schlepped
The Potter clan to Hell?
And you and me,
We're betraying them without qualm
With dark magic and icy calm
All three shall be laid low
ALL THREE
Over there in the Hollow…
Our crime, mortal sin
Time to kill and kill again
His wrath they shall rue
You-Know-Who, pal,
You-Know-Who!
BELLATRIX
Soon they're dead
It's so wonderful
He's so wonderful!
ALL THREE
At Hog's Head
All we heard was that odd prediction,
Of some child who'd bring us friction
Now it looks like he can't! …
LUCIUS
His chances seem scant.
ALL THREE:
It's their heads on the block.
From our acts and aftershocks
Our crime they will rue
You-Know-Who, pal,
You-Know-Who!
You-Know-Who!
The Dark Mark appears in the sky above the Potters' cottage
LUCIUS (spoken) There!
PETER (spoken): There it is!
BELLATRIX (spoken): Say it for me!
LUCIUS: You call it the Dark Mark, you call it Morsmordre - we're standing on the threshold of the future - we've got to be the luckiest villains who ever lived - after this moment - this moment that the three of us are sharing here together - nothing is ever going to be the way it was - ever again. Do you guys realize that from now on we're going to be able to kill anyone - anyone who's ever dared to oppose us? What a time to be starting out! What a time to take a life!
PETER (music)
Someone who's shifty
Underground
Won't be undone
It'll be nifty
When he's found
Lily and James's son
BELLATRIX
It's all clear
It's so horrible
PETER & LUCIUS
We're so horrible
ALL THREE
Now we're here
We're so evil 'cause we're Death Eaters
We're Lucius, Bellatrix and Peter
Let them know now to fear us
It's our crime, mortal sin
Time to kill and kill again
His wrath they will rue
You-Know-Who, man,
You-Know-Who!
Very soon
We'll slay Prewett, and Frank attack
Torture Alice and set up Black
They then will send that man
Straight to Azkaban
It's their heads on the block.
From our acts and aftershocks
Our crimes are due to
You-Know-Who, pal,
You-Know-Who!
You-Know-Who!
You-Know-Who!
You-Know-Who!
You-Know-Who!
You-Know-Who!
You-Know-Who!
You-Know-Who!
A filk by WolfWoman to the tune of Foot Stompin' from the John Waters movie (not the musical)
Hairspray
(Note: words in parentheses to be sung at the same time as first Death Eatin')
CHORUS OF DEATH EATERS
Every Mudblood young and old
Gonna feel such pain untold
Imperio
Crucio
Avadra Kedavra Oh!
Chorus
(We'll kill them all)
Death Eatin' Death Eatin'
(We'll kill them all)
Death Eatin' Death Eatin'
(We'll kill them all)
Death Eatin' Death Eatin'
(We'll kill them all)
Death Eatin' Death Eatin'
(We'll kill them all)
Death Eatin' Death Eatin'
(We'll kill them all)
Death Eatin'
Good time.
Goin' on a killing spree
Torture everyone we see
Cause them pain
Slay and maim
Just to prove we're not so lame
Repeat Chorus
SNAPE:
All through the Potions lesson
Keep them scared and keep them guessin'
Am I good?
Am I bad?
Could I be best you've ever had?
Repeat Chorus
LUCIUS:
I'm an evil guy it's true
Just the way I look at you
Blond hair
Evil Stare
I'll be profane everywhere
THE LESTRANGES:
We are such a nasty couple
Despite prison we're still supple
BELLATRIX:
Killed Black
With a smack
Boy it feels good to be back
Repeat Chorus
THE ORDER:
And now here comes Harry Potter
He's not just Dark Magic fodder
Big green eyes
Tell no lies
So say goodbye to Voldy, guys
CHORUS OF DEATH EATERS
(Goodbye, Dark Lord)
Death Eatin' Death Eatin'
(Goodbye, Dark Lord)
Death Eatin' Death Eatin'
(Goodbye, Dark Lord)
Death Eatin' Death Eatin'
(Goodbye, Dark Lord)
Death Eatin' Death Eatin'
(Goodbye, Dark Lord)
Death Eatin' Death Eatin'
(Goodbye, Dark Lord)
Death Eatin'
No more
To the title tune from Frank Loesser's musical Guys and Dolls
THE SCENE: Lord Voldemort's retreat. RABASTAN LESTRANGE & ANTONIN DOLOHOV (a couple of Mugs who don't get to sing filks very often) get a rare star turn.
RABASTAN LESTRANGE:
What's happenin' with the Half-Blood?
I'll tell you what's happenin' with the Half-Blood
We do not as yet know whether or not the Prince is a good guy or a bad guy
But if he proves to be a good guy then we're going to kick his alf good!
That's what's happenin' with the Half-Blood!
DOLOHOV:
What's on with the writin'?
I'll tell you what's on with the writin'.
As of August 2004, Jo says she's half-way through The Half-Blood Prince
And of all her books this one is gonna be the most excitin'
That's what's on with the writin'!
RABASTAN:
What's happenin' in the next volume?
I'll tell you what's happenin' in the next volume.
JKR provides an array of villains
Who will be even more ghastly than Gollum
That's what's happenin' in the next volume!
BOTH:
The Dark Lord will ne'er do penance
And neither will any of his lieutenants
RABASTAN:
Yes, sir!
When a gal takes pains to drive Aurors insane,
You can bet that she's following the Dark Lord.
DOLOHOV:
When you see a Black getting blast through a Veil
By that gal outta jail who made sure that Black was set up to fail
RABASTAN:
When a wretched fiend, who on meanness was weaned
Puts to use all the Polyjuice that he poured
BOTH:
Call it wrong, call it rotten, but it never should be forgotten
That the fiend's only following the Dark Lord.
DOLOHOV:
When that Quirrell clown rents the rear of his crown
You can bet that he's thinking of the Dark Lord
RABASTAN:
When a troll breaks loose and goes out of control
It is true that the troll is pleasing the soul of our Riddle Lord
DOLOHOV:
If a wicked curse that is ranked with the worst
Sends a Wiz down to Azkaban's life-time ward
BOTH:
Call it sick, call it savage
But the odds are better than average
That the Wiz is just following the Dark Lord.
DOLOHOV:
When you see an elf forced to beat on himself
He is owned by one honoring the Dark Lord.
RABASTAN:
When that guy Wormtail took a treacherous path
And so brought on the end of many a friend once he did the math
DOLOHOV:
When a Slyth'rin grad vows to be like his dad
Doin' deeds like the Death Eaters he's adored
BOTH:
Say he's vile, say he's vicious, ah, that's only 'cause he's ambitious
For a chance to be following the Dark Lord,
Dark Lord, Dark Lord,
For a chance to be following the Dark Lord!
A filk by BlackFirestone to the tune of This Love by Maroon 5
The Death Eaters are all complaining about Harry and how he's survived all these years.
SNAPE:
The day he walked into my class I knew
He'd be trouble and ado
Being a Potter through and through
BELLATRIX:
With sheer dumb luck, he has survived till now
Most can only guess at how
This cannot be allowed...
ALL:
This Potter's taking his toll on us
Messed our plans
And simply been a gall
But no more will he now hinder us
'Cos the Dark Lord
Will finish him off once and for all...
Oh...
SNAPE:
Philosopher's Stone, Chamber of Secrets
Both are names we do regret
At Potter's hands, defeat we met
LUCIUS:
Oh...be it a graveyard or the Ministry
He always seems to break free
And get himself out of our schemes
ALL:
This Potter's taking his toll on us
Messed our plans
And simply been a gall
But no more will he now hinder us
'Cos the Dark Lord
Will finish him off once and for all...
Oh...
SNAPE:
Do you know, just recently
He had the audacity
To use my own spells against me
A failure was he
Couldn't do Occlumency
And so I could simply stand, and just block his attempts repeatedly...
Pause. Manic laughter
ALL:
This Potter's taking his toll on us
Messed our plans
And simply been a gall
But no more will he now hinder us
'Cos the Dark Lord
Will finish him off once and for all...
repeat 3 times then fade out
A filk by Luna Goldstein to the tune of Rainy Day Women #12 & 35 by Bob Dylan
Well, they'll curse ya when you're trying to be so good,
They'll curse ya just a-like they said they would.
They'll curse ya when you're on the Quidditch Pitch.
Then they'll curse every single wizard and witch.
But I would not feel any worse,
Everybody must get cursed.
Well, they'll jinx ya when you're walkin' 'long Hogsmeade .
They'll jinx ya when you're in your drinking up your mead.
They'll jinx ya when you're flying your Nimbus.
They'll jinx ya when you're riding the Knight Bus.
But it's not as bad as you might think,
Everybody must get jinxed.
They'll hex ya when you're at your house's table.
They'll hex ya when a Gryffindor's your label.
They'll hex ya when you're tryin' to take your N.E.W.T.
They'll hex ya and then call you a brute.
Tell ya what, i, really would not get so vexed,
Everybody must get hexed.
Well, they'll AK you and say that it's their job.
Then they'll AK you and then they'll join back up with their mob.
They'll AK you when you're studying for a test.
They'll AK you when you're playing wizard's chess.
Yes, but I would not feel so dismayed,
Everybody must get AKed.
Well, they'll curse you when you're on the 'fellytone'.
They'll curse you when you are writing home.
They'll curse you and then say they're all brave.
They'll curse you till you're deep down in your grave.
But I would not feel any worse,
Everybody must get cursed.
A filk by JustJeanette to the tune of In The Navy by The Village People
Where can you cast Imperio, scorch the earth with Crucio, learn dark curses, scientology?
Where can you begin to make your dreams of domination become a reality?
Where can you learn to hex, play in doors or Quidditch, study dark herbology?
Sign up for the DL's band or Hex in the grand stand when your team and the Order meet.
With the D.E's, yes, we kill Muggles with great ease
With the D.E's, yes, torture mud-bloods if you please
With the D.E's, come on now Dark Wizards make a stand.
With the D.E's, Dumbledore he should be band
With the D.E's, come on, cast Crucio across the land.
With the D.E's, come on and kill your fellow, man.
With the D.E's, come on now Dark Wizards make a stand.
With the D.E's, With the D.E's.
We want you! We want you! We want you as a new recruit!
We want you! We want you! We want you as a new recruit!
..But..but..but I'm afraid of Potter!
..hey..hey..look, Malfoys...
I get real sick even casting AK on the kids!
We want You! - Oh my badness!
We want you! - What am I gonna do Voldy's knee
We want you! We want you!
With the D.E's.
With the D.E's... (fade out)
To the tune of the old spiritual Dry Bones
THE SCENE: A CHORUS OF DEATH EATERS celebrates the Dark Lord's success stories during Book Six, beginning with the murder of Amelia Susan Bones
CHORUS OF DEATH EATERS
De Dark Lord disrespected dat Sue Bones
De Dark Lord disrespected dat Sue Bones
De Dark Lord disrespected dat Sue Bones
She got the bird from our Lord.
Dat Sue Bones rejected like dat Ed Bones
Dat Vance crone rejected when she alone
Dat Karkaroff got carted off and laid prone
Florean got froze in an ice cream cone
Ollivander wander off to unknown
Muggle town get hit by Giant cyclone
Muggle bridge collapsing with a big groan
Shunpike to the slammer gets himself thrown
Voters telling Fudge that he be disowned
Dumble take a tumble offa his throne
They got the bird from our Lord!
Die, Bones, Die, Bones, dat dead Bones
Die, Bones Die, Bones, dat dead Bones
Die, Bones Die, Bones, dat dead Bones
She got the bird from our Lord!
A filk by Murasaki to the tune of Indian Reservation by Paul Revere and the Raiders
Evan Rosier sings a last paean of glory-- and cry of constance and devotion-- for the Death Eaters before he is taken down by Mad-Eye Moody. He sings as he fights off a small group of Aurors.
EVAN:
You all mock our pureblood creed;
Claim our cause is only greed.
You keep us from our finest hour:
Unlimited pureblooded power.
You banned in schools our loved Dark Arts;
Discouraged our elite Dark Marks.
You libel the man we serve;
Claim we want more than deserved.
He raises his wand in the middle of the fight to cry:
Fellow Death Eaters!
Fellow Dark side!
Fight on to live,
As I fought and died!
He resumes trying to fend off the Aurors, though his position is weakening and defeat is imminent.
You take the greatest of our clan;
Lock them up in Azkaban.
So I'm not captured in disgrace,
I'll blast this chunk out of your face.
He aims his wand at Moody's nose and shoots out of it the largest pockmark yet.
Fellow Death Eaters!
Fellow Dark side!
Fight on to live,
As I fought and died!
Moody hits him with an Avada Kedavra curse, and he falls to the ground. Yet his words still echo.
But sure as our Dark Marks still burn,
The Death Eaters will return . . .
Will return . . .
Will return . . .
Will return . . .
Will return . . .
A filk by Gail to the tune of Here, There and Everywhere by the Beatles
HARRY:
He doesn't need a knife; it is his axe you should fear
He stands there so menacingly:
Taking a life with the stroke of an axe:
Who can relax under his unwholesome glare?
Where creatures do not stand a prayer:
At the department that regulates beasts:
They become deceased `cause he doesn't really care
His name's Walden McNair, and when he's around then you can't help
but to despair:
Because to beasts Walden is their worst nightmare:
I know that it isn't fair:
That a Hippogriff like Buckbeak should die:
Hear Hagrid cry, as he falls into despair:
This man Walden McNair, there is something about him you that should
be aware:
I found out he's a Death Eater, this I swear:
In the graveyard, he was there:
That evening when I saw Voldemort rise:
Not a surprise:
Since his type has got that flair
You should beware Walden McNair
Beware Walden McNair
Jugson's first filk, by Ginger to the tune of Toby Keith's Should've Been a Cowboy.
How does one write a filk for a guy who's only mention in canon is being told by L. Malfoy to go straight ahead? We don't know if he was one who escaped Azkaban, talked his way out of Azkaban or avoided it all together. We have no idea how old he is, or come to think of it, do we even know he is a he? Hmmmm. He could have been the one who ended up as the baby head (although I have the unsubstantiated opinion that Babyhead is Crabbe Sr.) So, how does one write a filk for him? Easy. One cheats. Throws in all sorts of things that we have no idea whether or not are in his head. So, until disproved by canon....
Side note: This isn't 100% HP, but if CMC let This Tolkein Ring go, we have to make similar allowances for SW.
Jugson sits alone in Azkaban. Drifting off to sleep, he dreams that he is Elan Sleezbaggano in SW2.
He approached Obi-Wan Kenobi.
"You wanna be a Death Eater?" he asks.
Obi-Wan waves his hand. "You don't want to be a Death Eater.
"I don't want to be a Death Eater."
"You want to go home and rethink your life."
"I want to go home and rethink my life."
Jugson awakens and sings:
I bet you never heard ol' Master Windu say,
"Hey Qui-Gon, let's go Crucio some Wookiees today.
Then we'll go kill some Muggle police.
Maybe Yoda will Imperio some of these."
They'd have been dead like that if they did it.
It wasn't in the plot-
The code would forbid it.
No, they did things the Jedi way.
They contemplated the Force most every day.
Chorus:
I should've been a Jedi.
I should've used the Force to fly.
Wielding my Light Sabre,
Pimpin' my speeder with a hyperdrive.
Knockin' the Sith Lords down
Like Ki-Adi-Mundi.
Livin' on Courisant.
Oh, I should've been a Jedi.
Instead I got my cloak and hood fast as you please.
Headed to the Department of Mysteries.
Standing in row 97.
Hiding way back 'hind the other 11.
"Go straight! Jugson, Dolohov, you go!"
Mister Malfoy knows the passages here below.
We'd'a got away, just like we did before,
But those meddling kids, and that old Dumbledore!
Repeat chorus.
To the tune of That's Life, a Frank Sinatra favorite
OK, so technically speaking, they're not Death Eaters, but the Inferi are most definitely dead, so this filk will be housed on this page, unless we get enough "Inferi-or" filks to justify creating their own page.
AN INFERIUS (and Chorus of Female Inferi)
No life (No life!), that's what we Inferi find
I try to make a killing
Meeting dead-lines
'Cause you know since I have left the grave
That I've been on watch, on watch in this cave
I said, no life, (no life!), and though it don't amount to shucks
Some people get their kicks
Swipin' a Horcrux
But though I may get, may get water-logged
I'll still get impelled in anti-Potter mobs
I've been a corpse, a cadaver, a carcass,
A zombie, untombed and undead.
I've been hexed and hacked and hammered and hit
And shot full of lead.
I still pursue my foes, livid with hate,
Despite this persistent vegetative state
No life (No life!),
I'll fill ya with such repulsion
You'll see me being creepy
With no heart beat and with no pulse, son
And although I might lack in every vital sign
I am helping out the Dark Lord and his Plan Nine
I've fought with Harry J. Potter, and Albus
P. Dumble, and ol' R.A.B.
They snuck in, got through, and grabbed it, got out
And went home scott-free:
I rallied all my hordes to mangle and to maim
But they drove us back with red-hot rings of flame
No life (No life!),
No life and we lost the locket
Ev'ry time I thought we'd cut 'em off
But we couldn't block it
So it may be when Voldy learns of our defeats
He's gonna curse us all out as a bunch of dead-beats