Oliver Wood and the GQT

An angst-ridden epic from the Changing Room of Broken Dreams

Based on American Idiot by Green Day

Image © 2005 Red Scharlach

* = Post-OOP
** = Post-HBP

See also Murasaki's musical Let's Go, Ollie!, a celebration of Wood's captaincy of the GQT

Quidditch Cup Match Copyright 2001 by Martin Smith; Oliver Wood Copyright 2001 by Pippin; Captain Ollie's Former Quidditch Team Copyright 2002 by Gryffleraverin; Win It For Wood Copyright 2002 by Caius Marcius; Fly, Fly, Fly Copyright 2002 by Annie Llewellyn; Ollie And The Gryff Team, Quidditch Practice and We Cannot Lose This Game Copyright 2003, 2004 by Gail; Mr. Seeker Copyright 2003 by kalle; The Impression That I Get Copyright 2003 by Stickbook; The Seeker Copyright 2003 by Jackie DeMedio; Seeker Again Copyright 2003 by Josh Riddle; We Won Again Copyright 2003 by Mandragoran; A Quidditch Player and A Quidditch Star Copyright 2004 by Richard; Fly Fly Fly and Quidditch Freak Copyright 2004, 2005 by The Dark Evil One; Old Hogsmeade Bar Copyright 2005 by Fyre; Golden Snitch Copyright 2005 by Alessandra C.

A filk by Martin Smith to the tune of Queen's Bicycle Race

THE SCENE: The Quidditch changing room. OLIVER WOOD addresses those who don't (in his opinion) share his devotion to the game, prioring Muggle sports, studies and fights against Evil Overlords

GRYFFINDOR QUIDDITCH TEAM (GQT): Quidditch Cup, Quidditch Cup, Quidditch Cup
OLIVER WOOD (OW): I want to win the GQT+OW: Quidditch Cup, Quidditch Cup, Quidditch Cup
OW: I want to win the Quidditch Cup, I want to win this year
I want to win the Quidditch Cup, I always have been oh so near

OW: You say ball, I say snitch, you say field, I say pitch
You say class, I say hey man, Charms was never my scene and I don't like DADA
You say O.W.L:s, I say Cup, you say N.E.W.T:S, don't you give up
You say MoM, I say Krum, I do not care if Dumbledore kicks the arse of Voldemort
All I wanna win is GQT+OW: Quidditch Cup, Quidditch Cup, Quidditch Cup

OW: I want to win the GQT+OW: Quidditch Cup, Quidditch Cup, Quidditch Cup
OW: I want to win the Quidditch Cup, I want to win so bad
I want to win the Quidditch Cup, we're gonna win...

OW: The Quidditch Cup Final is scheduled today, so forget all your lessons and play
Slytherin chasers will be coming our way and look out for those bludgers astray

MADAM HOOCH: On your brooms, get set, go!

GQT: Quidditch Cup Match, Quidditch Cup Match, Quidditch Cup Match,
Quidditch Cup, Quidditch Cup, Quidditch Cup
OW: I want to win the GQT+OW: Quidditch Cup, Quidditch Cup, Quidditch Cup
Quidditch Cup, Quidditch Cup, Quidditch Cup Match

The sound of the Snitch setting off into the air

OW: Chasers, hear! Katie, oy! A and A! Porskoff Ploy! School schmool!
I say Puddle U rather than becoming head boy out of Hogwarts
Wronski Feint, Harry P! Golden snitch, do you see?
Leave it be, I say wait till Gryffindor is sixty up, otherwise we'll lose the cup
Cos all I wanna win is GQT+OW: Quidditch Cup, Quidditch Cup, Quidditch Cup

OW: I want to win the GQT+OW: Quidditch Cup, Quidditch Cup, Quidditch Cup
OW: I want to win the Quidditch Cup, I will win the Q-cup
I want to win the Quidditch Cup, you'd better fight till you puke up

A filk by kalle to the tune of Mister Sandman by The Chordettes

Sung by OLIVER WOOD somewhere before the end of Book Three. The background chorus (all the win win win) is by the rest of the team, except for Harry. Sorry if there's any incorrect English in it, my native tongue is Swedish.

GQT (except HARRY & WOOD)
Win, win, win, win, win, win, win, win, etc.

WOOD:
Mr Seeker
Bring us the Snitch
Make us the champions
Of the Quidditch pitch
Get us the cup
With your splendid flying.
Get us the Quidditch cup
Or die while trying!

Seeker
We want the prize
So take your broomstick
And scan the skies
Please turn on your magic switch
Mr. Seeker, bring us the Snitch!

GQT (except HARRY & WOOD)
Win, win, win, win, win, win, win, win, etc.

WOOD:
Mr. Seeker
Bring us the Snitch. Make us the champions
of the Quidditch pitch!
Look out for Bludgers,
they aren't nifty.
Let's hope our chasers score 300-50!

Seeker
We want the prize
So take your broomstick and scan the skies
Please turn on your magic switch
Mr Seeker, bring us the Snitch!

GQT (except HARRY & WOOD)
Win, win, win, win, win, win, win, win, etc.

WOOD (& HARRY)
Mr Seeker (yeeees?) Bring us the Snitch
Chase it wherever it goes until your nose starts to bleed
Chase it wherever it goes, until you catch it!
When you get close enough make sure to snatch it!
Mr Seeker
A cup to hold
Would be so peachy
Before I'm too old
So please turn on your magic switch
Mr Seeker bring us,
Please please please
Mr Seeker!
Bring us the Snitch!

GQT (including HARRY & WOOD) Win, win, win, win, win, win, win, win, win, win, win, win!

A filk by Gryffleraverin to the tune of Sgt. Pepper's Lonely Hearts Club Band by the Beatles

THE SCENE: The Gryffindor common room. The new Gryffindor Quidditch Captain in Book Five, for reasons unknown, has asked the Beaters to compose a new anthem for the team. Fred and George offer their suggestion.

FRED & GEORGE:
It was many years ago today,
Captain Ollie taught the team to play
They haven't played the game for a while
But clever tactics will raise a smile.
So may we introduce to you
The team you've thought of most fondly,
Captain Ollie's Former Quidditch Team
We're Captain Ollie's Former Quidditch Team,
We hope you will enjoy the game,
We're Captain Ollie's Former Quidditch Team,
And think that the other team is lame.
Captain Ollie's Former, Captain Ollie's Former,
Captain Ollie's Former Quidditch Team.
It's wonderful to play here, it's certainly a thrill.
The Slytherins in the audience
Can all boo in the stands-fine with us-
'Cause Gryffindor will win.
I don't really want to stop the song,
But the game will start before too long,
And the players will play the game,
I guess the Slytherins will do the same.
So let me introduce to you
The one and only Harry P.
And Captain Ollie's Former Quidditch Team.

Reprise

We're Captain Ollie's Former Quidditch Team
We hope you have enjoyed the game
Captain Ollie's Former Quidditch Team
We're sorry we brought Slytherin shame.
Captain Ollie's Former...
Captain Ollie's Former...
Captain Ollie's Former...
Captain Ollie's Former...
Captain Ollie's Former Quidditch Team
We'd like for you to come again
Captain Ollie's (here no more) Gryffindor Quidditch Team
The commentator is our friend
Captain Ollie's Former
Captain Ollie's Former
Captain Ollie's Former Quidditch Team!

The Captain rejects their song.

A filk by Pippin to the tune of The Beatles' Norwegian Wood

I once saw this guy
Up on the screen
Making the scene
He rode on a broom
Lookin' so good
Oliver Wood

I wish I could mount on his Nimbus
And fly through the air
I'm losing my heart to a guy
Who is not really there

I spend every night
Dreaming of flight
Wind in my hair
We Quaffles pursue
Up in the blue
Quidditch for two

I dreamt of a date with that actor
Named Sean Biggerstaff
I told him his name was a factor
And tried not to laugh

But when I awoke
I was alone
This Keeper'd flown
So much for desire
Up I got stood
That's (H)ollywood

A filk by Stickbook to the song of the same name by the Mighty Mighty Bosstones, from their album Let's Face It

SCENE: The Gryffindor Quidditch side is holding a team meeting to elect their new captain.

ANGELINA:
Ollie Wood led us to victory
Way back in our fifth year
And we haven't had a captain since he left
So, any volunteers?

No? Well…

KATIE:
I'll never be Oliver Wood
He was a Quidditch maniac!
Which makes me wonder if I should
It makes me not want to be
Captain like Oliver Wood
I'm prepared to make a bet
That Angelina, you'd be good!
That's the impression that I get

ANGELINA:
He always had the odds stacked up so high
Almost like he was possessed
And he would always tell us, `It's do or die!'
So who will put us to the test?

Oh, well…

ALICIA:
I'll never be Oliver Wood He was a Quidditch maniac!
Which makes me wonder if I could
Be a fanatic like our
Captain, that Oliver Wood
I'm prepared to make a bet
That Angelina, you'd be good!
That's the impression that I get

ANGELINA:
I'm not a coward, I've just never been captain
I'd like to think that if I was I'd do well
But Wood's obsessive love for Quidditch made him go insane
I'd do okay, but I'm afraid I'd go insane myself

FRED & GEORGE:
We'll never be Oliver Wood
Because you know that guy was mad!
Whereas we're misunderstood!
We hope we never will be
Crazy like Oliver Wood!
And we're glad we're not mad yet
Because we're sure it isn't good!
That's the impression that we get

Angelina pauses and thinks for a moment

ANGELINA:
Guess I'll be Captain like Ollie Wood
But you know something we have?
An open slot for whoever would
Defend and save the Quaffle

HARRY:
Who will be Keeper like Ollie Wood?
'Cause I know someone who's good
I think he's the perfect gent
That's the impression that I get…

A filk by Fyre based on the song Old City Bar by the Trans Siberian Orchestra

SETTING: Oliver Wood sits in the Three Broomsticks steadily sipping at a butterbeer and remembering the last time he had sat there that long.

WOOD:
In the old Hogsmeade bar
That has never been far
From the clashes and chatter
From the students within

In the darkening night
With magical torchlight
It welcomes all people
And they've always come in

And the rain it was falling
The unicorns pawing
The chatter was low
And the night, Hallows Eve

And there was the fear
That was ever so near
At that time on this night
Imaginations ran free

And the door opened wide
And a boy stepped inside
That no one in the bar
Had seen there before

And he asked while we know
That the rain could turn to snow
That we all just sit
Looking at drinks down our nose

Then the barmaid did gaze
Through drink bottles and haze

Through the rain and the night
In the dim torch light

Where cobblestones shone
A scene that was known
To capture the minds
Of young dreamers anywhere

And the rain it was falling
The unicorns pawing

One of us turned and said
"Why should we care?
But we all have known this"
The boy said, "I noticed.
But why should you be cramped
With so much wonder out there?"

Then a Prefect stood up
From a stool at the bar
We all thought that this
Would never go far
And he did something that He thought no one saw
When he left a gold galleon
Sitting there on the bar

Then he followed the boy
Out into the street
And we watched from the bar
As they started to speak

Then he poked his head in
And he said "It's OK"
Put a smile on his face
And seemed to float away
And we saw in that room
That many students were gone
Thanks to a boy that we know still lives on

If you want to arrange stuff
This life is just enough
If we could somehow
Make these holidays last
By helping our neighbors
Even drunk strangers
If someone wants help
You need only just ask

Then we looked for the boy,
But the boy wasn't there
Just the rain dripping down
Washing depressions from the air
Then we all came inside
Somehow different, I think
For the rest of the night No one bought one more drink

And the Prophet will say
That some young wizard kid
Wandered in on some chums
In a bar where they hid
But Skeeter wasn't there
So her quill cannot say
By the magic torchlight
On that Eve of Hollows Day

When the rain it was falling
The unicorns pawing
In case Moody should wonder
In case Weasley would care

Why we sit alone
So far from home
On these holiday nights
We were already there

A filk by Jackie DeMedio to the tune of The Seeker by the Who

HARRY:
I've looked in the air
I've looked all about
I'll tried to find the Snitch
'Fore Bludgers knock me out

They call me The Seeker
I've been searching low and high
I'll jump on my Nimbus 2000,
Chase it through the sky

I asked Ronnie Weasley
I asked Hermione
But they can't seem to see it,
Cause that Snitch is so darn tiny

They call me The Seeker
I've been searching low and high
I'll jump on my Nimbus 2000,
Chase it through the sky

Slytherin, they hate me
Snape, he does too
Cause when I was a baby
Here's what I did

I had managed to stop
That bad guy You-Know-Who
I'm a Seeker
I'm a really famous kid

I'll jump on my Nimbus 2000,
Chase it through the sky

The Sorting Hat place me in Gryffindor
If you look at my forehead, there's a scar
I'm happy at Hogwarts
And I'm great when I fly
I won't let this Quidditch match end in a tie

A glimmer of gold,
I go for the catch
I clasp my hand around it
And my team has won the match

They call me the Seeker
I've been searching low and high
I'll jump on my Nimbus 2000
Chase it through the sky

I'll jump on my Nimbus 2000
Chase it through the sky

A filk by Josh Riddle to the tune of Human Again from Disney's Beauty and the Beast: Special Edition. Human Again was a song that was recorded and filmed but removed from the original theatrical film release. It can be found reinserted in the Special Edition release and subsequent soundtrack.

HARRY:
I'll be Seeker again
Be a player again
With a Beater to fly on each arm
When I'm Seeker again
Got my broomstick again
Smooth and polished and flying real strong…
I'll be feinting again
Grab that snitch up again

GINNY:
Which should cause Draco's teammates alarm!

RON:
I'll believe in myself

HARRY:
And act less like an elf

RON:
I can't wait till you're Seeker again
Angelia, Katie, and Alicia:
When you're Seeker again
And you're playing again
When we're winning the House Cup once more
When you're Seeker again
Good and playing again

ANGELINA:
Ah, Harry, don't you dream of that door!
I'll fly high in a rouse
And for sure they will lose
While we easily score one more goal
I'll speak bold with a flair
I'm like Wood but with hair!
It's my prayer that you're Seeker again

FRED & GEORGE:
When you're Seeker again,
And you're playing again
When that Umbridge is out past the fence
We'll behave for a change

HARRY:
Really? That'd be strange!

FRED & GEORGE:
Can we help it if we don't make sense?
In a store on the street
We'll set up selling these
Let our early graduation commence
Far from schools that are lax
We'll buy new robes for our backs and relax

ALL:
When you're Seeker again
So grab your broom off the floor!
Let's get you out of this room!
In the air you will shoot
If that witch gets the boot
Any day now!

RON & GINNY:
Bar up her offices' doors
Alert the Order by Floo

ALL:
If all goes as planned
You'll have your broom in hand
Any day now!

ANGELINA, KATIE, and ALICIA:
Open your arms wide and breathe in some air

GINNY:
Go for the Snitch as it flies over there

ALL:
Cheer up my dear
Your sadness and tears
Will soon go away! When you're Seeker again
And you're playing again
When the ban's lifted and you're set free
Brows a-sweatin' again
We're a-hoping again
We'll be flying around with such glee
At our practice again
Over Christmas again
We'll be prayin' it's A-S-A-P
When we cast of this pall
We'll ride strong, we'll ride tall
When we're all that we were
When we've got Dumbledore
Coming closer and closer
And closer and…

Character Dialogue

ALL:
We'll be racing again!
We'll be blocking again!
We'll be scoring again with such ease!
When you're Seeker again
And you're playing again
We'll score one shot for Fred, George, and Lee!
We'll be flying again!
We'll be dodging again!
We can fly just as fast as we please
Like a real player does
We'll be happy because
On that glorious morn
When we'll win in the storm
And we're all of us playing again!

A filk by Mandragoran to the tune of Jingle Bells

Flying through the skies
looking for the Snitch
Draco thinks he's great
But he's just a stupid bitch

The Snitch was by his ear
I caught it as he laughed
Although he wasn't laughing much
When he landed on his ass

Ohhhh...

We won again, won again
I'll rub it in his face
Every time he loses
It puts him in his place

Hasn't won a single match
Since I've joined the team
Money buys most everything
But winning so it seems!

So Draco might have cash
He buys the latest fad
I guess its not his fault
If at Quidditch he's just bad

It really is a shame
He hasn't made a catch
Maybe if we forfit
He'd finally win a match!

Ohhhhhhhhhh

We won again, won again
I'll rub it in his face
Everytime he looses
It puts him in his place

Hasn't won a single match
Since I've joined the team
Money buys most everything
But winning so it seems!

A filk by Richard to the tune of Centerfield by John Fogerty.

Well, the Beater's here, the Keeper near,
The clouds just start to rain.
We'll win this year, the Quidditch Cup is ours.
Around the goal, and headed up high, it's a blue-eyed handsome lad.
If you want to understand, being a Seeker.

(Chorus)
Oh put me in Hooch, I'm ready to play; today
Put me in Hooch, I'm ready to play; today
Look at me, I can be-
A Quidditch Player

Well, I spent some time, it the backfield, mine
Watchin' it from up high
You know it took so long, but I finally found-
The Golden Snitch
So say hey Ronnie, Fred and George,
And Beater Katie Bell
Please back me up while I turn this broom and dive.

(Chorus)
Oh put me in Hooch, I'm ready to play; today
Put me in Hooch, I'm ready to play; today
Look at me, I can be-

A Quidditch Player
(Yea, got it I got…!)

I got a beat-up broom, a home-made robe,
And a brand-new Weasley sweater,
You know I think it's time, just to give this game a ride.
I see the Snitch, it's down the pitch
I'm diving through the sun…
(SNATCH)
I just scooped it up and we just won the Cup

(Chorus)
Oh put me in Hooch, I'm ready to play; today
Put me in Hooch, I'm ready to play; today
Look at me, I can be-
A Quidditch Player

(Repeat)

Oh put me in Hooch, I'm ready to play; today
Put me in Hooch, I'm ready to play; today
Look at me, gotta be-
A Quidditch Player
Yeah..

A filk by Richard to the tune of Shooting Star by Bad Company

Harry was a school boy
When he bought his first racing broom
A Firebolt I think it was, always kept it in the Common Room
Had himself a field, where he practiced every night
Now he's in a Quidditch outfit, and everything's alright
Don't you know…
Harry told Molly,
"Hey Molly I'm going away,
"Gonna play Quidditch, gonna be a big star some day," yea
Ginny came to the door, with a tear drop in her eye,
Harry said "don't cry Ginny," he just smiled and waved goodbye.

(Chorus)
Don't ya know? Yeah, hey-
Don't you know that you are a Quidditch Star?
Don't ya know? Don't ya know?
Don't you know that you are a Quidditch Star?
And all the world will love you, just as long-
As long as you aaaaaaarrrrreeeee…..

Harry won the World Cup, which still is on display,
Suddenly everyone loved to go and watch him play.
Watching the game play on, surprised it goes so fast
Harry looks around him and says "well I've made the big time at last."

(Chorus)
Don't ya know? Don't ya know?
Don't you know that you are a Quidditch Star?
Don't you knowwwwooowwwwoooooowwww yeah,
Don't you know that you are a Quidditch Star? Yeah,
And all the world will love you just as long-
As long as you aaaaarrrrrreeeee….a Quidditch Star!

(Guitar solo starts up, repeat chorus)

Harry died one night, died in a game
Did a nose dive as his head lanced through with pain
Harry's life passed us by like a warm summer's day
If you ever see ghost you can still watch him play

(Repeat Chorus, fades and ends)

A filk by Annie Llewellyn to the tune of Bye Bye Bye by *N Sync

HARRY:
Hey hey, fly fly fly (fly fly!)
Fly Fly! (Fly fly!)

Oh,oh,
I, Grabbed the school broom and ran
I, didn't really understand
But he had that ball in his hand
"Hey, bring that back!"

I, jumped up with out a thought
But should or shouldn't I ought?
Hooch saw me, and I dived right back to the ground

I knew that it was wrong to do, all too true.
Quidditch is my favorite sport to try,
Love to fly, fly, fly, (fly fly!)
Didn't mean to dive out of the sky
But now I'm Seeker and flying high
I might sound crazy but it ain't no lie,
Love to fly, fly, fly (fly fly!)
Sure you know I'm not giving up
Lost my arm bones but I'm not fed up
I sound crazy but really I
Love to fly, fly, fly

Ow, just hit with a Bludger,
Hey, it's Cho and I like her
But the Snitch is flapping in the sky
Right by
I didn't want to lose this game
And Gryffindor didn't want shame
So, now it's time to knock her off the broom.

She's wearing Quidditch robes of blue, what to do.
Well, she's getting kicked out of the sky
Love to fly, fly, fly (fly fly!)
Didn't mean to dive out of the sky
But now I'm Seeker and flying high
I might sound crazy but it ain't no lie,
Love to fly, fly, fly.
You know I'm not giving up
Lost my arm bones but I'm not fed up
I sound crazy but really I
Love to fly, fly, fly

I may not always win but I'll try
Gryffindor's Seeker can't go on by
Fly fly
Never stopping when the going's rough
Everyone know's I'm made of sturdy stuff
I didn't mean to be a star, but I flew real far
And can dive break-neckingly fast
The Nimbus 2000 did die
But you know I
Fly fly!
Didn't mean to dive out of the sky
But now I'm Seeker and flying high
I might sound crazy but it ain't no lie,
Love to fly, fly, fly.
You know I'm not giving up
Lost my arm bones but I'm not fed up
I sound crazy but really I
Love to fly, fly, fly (fly fly!)

A filk by Alessandra C. to the tune of Diamond Ring by John Bon Jovi

This is an ode our dear Harry Potter dedicates to his true love ... the Golden Snitch.

HARRY:
Golden Snitch, catch it in my hand
It's gonna show the shool, I'll be the man
Golden Snitch, Golden Snitch
I will seek you on the pitch, Golden Snitch.

Red and gold, the colors of my team
On the stands, the Gryffindors will scream
Red and gold, red and gold
Is the color of my robes, red and gold.

On my broomstick I will look for you
'Round the pitch, at last, I'll see a glint of you
Like an arrow I will chase you 'round
And hold you when I touch the ground.

On my broomstick I will look for you
'Round the pitch, at last, I'll see a glint of you
Like an arrow I will chase you 'round
I'll catch you, ending the game

You know, my heart would bleed
If I don't play Quidditch
'Cause only on my broomstick I feel free
I want to play endlessly

Golden Snitch, catch it in my hand
It's gonna show the shool, I'll be the man
Golden Snitch, Golden Snitch
I will seek you on the pitch, Golden Snitch.

Quidditch is my everything, Golden Snitch
Now, I got you under my skin ... Golden Snitch.

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