Cedric Diggory and Hufflepuff

* = post-OOP
**=post-HBP

Cedric Diggory Guy Copyright 2000 by Steffan; Couldn't It Be Hufflepuff? Copyright 2003 by Amy Z & Haggridd; Diggory Regrets Copyright 2004 by Star Opal; Seeker Of The Team Copyright 2004 by Jason LeBouef; Eloise's Lament Copyright 2004 by Vocalion; Cedric Diggory Copyright 2004 by JoeinAir; Badger Woman Copyright 2006 by Lalaith Yamainu; Hufflepuff Copyright 2007 by Bandersnatch

A filk by Amy Z and Haggridd to the tune of Wouldn't It Be Loverly from My Fair Lady by Lerner and Loewe.

The HUFFLEPUFFS uncharacteristically take the stage to dream big, by Hufflepuff standards . . .

ERNIE MACMILLAN:
The Hogwarts term is done, we've shown them all that
We're hot stuff, mm . . .

CEDRIC DIGGORY:
We'll win the Quidditch Cup, this is a promise, not a bluff, mm . . .

JUSTIN FINCH-FLETCHLEY:
The other Houses know that we are surely good enough....

ERNIE, CEDRIC and JUSTIN (in rich harmony):
Mm, mm, couldn't it be Hufflepuff?

Returning to reality, the HUFFLEPUFFS sing in unison:

We're too modest to stake a claim
But we'd love just an ounce of fame
The year-end banners' name
Oh, couldn't it be Hufflepuff?

SPROUT:
All these years we've been second-best

RAVENCLAWS, GRYFFINDORS and SLYTHERINS chime in helpfully:
You mean fourth--

HUFFLEPUFFS, grimacing:
--and we're so depressed.
Worst grades, worst team, worst dressed
Why is it always Hufflepuff?

We're so Hufflepuff, we just work and smile and get raw deals
And to be quite blunt, we're sick of being the school schlemiels

CEDRIC:
All we want is to win one Task
One bright light in which we can bask
Is that so much to ask?
Oh, couldn't it be Hufflepuff?

HANNAH ABBOTT, KEVIN WHITBY and SUSAN BONES (sighingly):
Hufflepuff . . .

LAURA MADLEY, ELEANOR BRANSTONE and OWEN CAULDWELL (diffidently)
Hufflepuff . . .

ERNIE, JUSTIN, and SPROUT (wistfully):
Hufflepuff . . .

CURLY-HAIRED GIRL WHO ASKS HARRY TO THE BALL AND ISN'T EVEN GIVEN THE DIGNITY OF A NAME (dreamily):
Hufflepuff!

A filk by Steffan to the tune of Don McLean's American Pie

A long, long time ago
I can still remember
How the first book used to make me read.
And I knew after P.O.A.
That I could write a song to say
How much I like H. Potter in the lead.
But G.O.F., it made me shiver
It made me stop and reconsider -
Bad news at the ending
Bad vibes it was sending.
I can't remember if I cried
Or put the book down by my side
Or if I thought that Rowling lied
The day that Cedric died.

So bye bye Cedric Diggory guy
How I liked you during book two - why did you have to die?
You left your school, met Peter Pettigrew
Cedric, what in the whole world could you do?
What in the whole world could you do?

Did you know that Harry P.
Didn't take him there deliberately?
He was the only one meant to go.
Next year he'll get some nasty looks.
Here's a few things by the next books
That I think you should have to know -
Hermione's in love with Ron,
Because when Dumbledore put him on
That thing under the lake
Hermione did quake.
Hogwarts life, it will be hard
Since everyone'll be on their guard
'Cause Harry was in the graveyard
The day that Cedric died.

He was singin'
Bye bye Cedric Diggory guy
How I liked you during book two - why did you have to die?
You left your school and met Peter Pettigrew
Cedric, what in the whole world could you do?
What in the whole world could you do?

For three years Harry's been on his own
But now I think he's gone and grown
A fondness for girls such as Cho
But in love, he may need a guide
Especially after Cedric died
He used to go out with her, so...
Harry'll be depressed of course.
His emotions have been hit with force
He'll spend the summer at home
With his Muggle family, alone.
He might go stay at Ron's in time
To stop him going out of his mind.
But he might die if, it was a sign
The day that Cedric died.

He was singin'
Bye bye Cedric Diggory guy
How I liked you during book two - why did you have to die?
You left your school and met Peter Pettigrew
Cedric, what in the whole world could you do?
What in the whole world could you do?

Well, I can't wait until book five.
Will it turn out he's still alive?
Or will it just be tenser in the school?
A.F.H-P will get me through
Until the time arrives, woo-hoo!
I'm sure the book, like book 4, will be cool.
Someone else will pass away
But Lupin will be back, OK?
We're all speculating,
But it's still frustrating.
And the wizard I admire most
Might meet his father as a ghost
Like he did (at least almost)
The day that Cedric died.

So bye bye Cedric Diggory guy
How I liked you during book two - why did you have to die?
You left your school and met Peter Pettigrew
Cedric, what in the whole world could you do?
What in the whole world could you do?

Bye bye Cedric Diggory guy
How I liked you during book two - why did you have to die?
You left your school and met Peter Pettigrew
Cedric, what in the whole world could you do?
What in the whole world could you do?

NOTE: Some of the lines need to be stretched or compressed to fit, but that happened in the original as well :o) AFHP refers to alt.fan.harry-potter, the newsgroup where this filk was first posted.

A filk by Star Opal to the tune of Miss Otis Regrets by Cole Porter

Diggory regrets he's unable to lunch today, Miss Chang
Diggory regrets he's unable to lunch today
He is sorry to be delayed
But at the Tournament there was some foul play
Miss Chang, Diggory regrets he's unable to lunch today

Well, him and Potter found that together they had won, Miss Chang
They took the cup and were quickly whisked far away
And not long after touching ground
Was drawn a wand, a curse broke through the still town
Miss Chang, Diggory regrets he's unable to lunch today

When the flash green of light hit him he went very pale, Miss Chang
And his shadow had only these few words to say
"Take my body back, you must try."
A final request Potter could not deny
Miss Chang, Diggory regrets he's unable to lunch today

Diggory regrets he's unable to lunch today

A filk by JoeinAir to the tune of the Beatles' Eleanor Rigby

Ah, look at all the lonely people
Ah, look at all the lonely people

Cedric Diggory, picks up the wand
near the church where a funeral has been
Is this a dream
Dies in an instance, wearing the face
that show such shock like never before
Who was this boy?

All the lonely people
Where do they all come from?
All the lonely people
Where do they all belong?

Albus Dumbledore, writing the words
of a spell that no one will hear
Who does he fear?
Look at him working, planning the fight
in the night when there's nobody there
Why does he care

All the lonely people
Where do they all come from?
All the lonely people
Where do they all belong?

Ah, look at all the lonely people
Ah, look at all the lonely people

Cedric Diggory, died on the grave
tragically killed by he who must not be named
Its such a shame
Albus Dumbledore, wiping the dirt
from his hands as he walks from the grave
No one was saved

All the lonely people
Where do they all come from?
All the lonely people
Where do they all belong?

A filk by Jason LeBouef to the tune of Leader Of The Pack by The Shangri-Las

RAVENCLAW GIRL 1 (spoken part):
Is she really going out with him?

RAVENCLAW GIRL 2
Well there she is. Let's ask her

RAVENCLAW GIRL1
Cho, is that Cedric's ring you're wearing?

CHO
Mm-mmm

RAVENCLAW GIRL2
Gee it must be great going out with him. Is he taking you to Hogsmeade after school today?

CHO
Mm-mmm

GIRL 1& 2
By the way, where'd you meet him?

CHO (singing)
I met him at the school Yule Ball
He turned around and smiled at me, you get the picture?

GIRL 1 & 2
Yes we see

CHO: That's when I fell for
CHO & GIRLS: The Seeker of the team

Insert the sound of the crowd roaring at a Quidditch game

CHO: He was from another house in the school
GIRLS: School school
CHO: I always thought that he was really cool
GIRLS: What'cha mean when you say that you thought he really was so cool.
CHO: They told me he was nice
And then he kissed me twice
The why I fell for the
CHO & GIRLS: The Seeker of the team

Quidditch game roar

CHO: Tri-Wizard task he had to go do
GIRLS: Do do
CHO: I could wait until it was through
GIRLS: What'cha mean when you say that you couldn't wait until it's through.
CHO: He kissed me and said "Goodbye"
And when he came back he died
CEDRIC'S GHOST: I'm sorry I hurt you.
CHO & GIRLS: The Seeker of the team

CHO (spoken)
He grabbed the Tri-Wiz cup, and he began to fly, and into the graveyard he did go
As he met the Dark Lord on that rainy night, the fear beginning to show
Wormtail raised his wand, a horror he'll never know

GIRLS:No no no no no no no
CHO: Lookout! Lookout! Lookout! Lookout!

WORMTAIL:
Avada Kedavra!

Flash of green light, Cedric dies

CHO:
I felt so helpless what could I do?
Remembring all the things we've been through
At school they all stop and stare
I can't hide my tears, but I don't care
I'll never forget him

CHO & GIRLS: The Seeker of the team

Quidditch noise

Oooohhh..

Gone…
The Seeker of the team
Gone gone gone gone gone gone…
And now he's gone

repeat until song fades

A filk by Vocalion to the tune of Adelaide's Lament from Guys and Dolls

Scene: Eloise Midgen is sitting in the Hogwarts library, reading aloud from a book entitled "A Hufflepuff's Guide To Hexing Away Heartbreak, And Other Magical Methods For The Treatment Of Acne".

ELOISE:
It says here:
The average pubescent female
Your basic, teen-aged witch
Due to hormonal changes may decide
With mercurial mood-swing tendencies
Unpredictable as a Snitch
To let her pent-up rage spread far and wide

In other words, just from pacing and pacing and throwing a little fit
A person can develop a zit.

You can hex her where ever you figure those little bumps may grow
You can slip her a potion if you've got the notion to try and slow
The spread of a great big red one like a Clabbert's glow
To keep her from getting a zit.

It says here:
An unpopular Hogwarts student
Sorted to Hufflepuff
Just might consider bubotuber pus
Yellowish, putrid smelling
Making it very tough
To apply upon the face without much fuss

In other words, if she can endure slimy slug guts all over her face
A Hufflepuff won't be a disgrace

You could send her to Madame Pomfrey for a cure or two
Or Professor Snape might whip her in shape with a cauldron's brew
But if all the students are laughing at her, then what can she do
With slug guts all over her face

And furthermore, just from wondering whether
Ron Weasley is going to laugh
She might hex him into a giraffe

When he sits at the Gryffindor table
With his neck stretched high
And his little sister Ginny
Tries to catch his eye
To tell him to duck as soon as the owls start flying by
A Hufflepuff might be tempted to laugh
To laugh
At that red-headed giraffe
With big spots
Like her dots
And a tail that's a length and a half

Just from hugging the wall at the Yule Ball
Never dancing, just having to sit
A person can develop a huge, huge zit!

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