* = post-OOP
** = post-HBP
Copyright 2001-2002, 2004 by Caius Marcius except You're a Mean One, Mr. Crouch Copyright 2002 by Eileen; Barty Crouch Copyright 2003 by Charis Julia; I Am the Very Model of a Modern Magic Minister Copyright 2003 by Salazar; I Am Ludo Bagman Copyright 2004 by Jill; The Angry Minister and Bagman and His Bets Copyright 2004 by Richard; Amelia Susan Bones Copyright 2004 by Ginger; Fudging the List Copyright 2004 by Falcona; Whatever Became of Barty? Copyright 2005 by Kaesa Aurelia Secunda; Cornelius Copyright 2005 by iTickleSleepingDragons
To the tune of Supercalifragilisticexpialidocious from Disney's Mary Poppins
THE SCENE: The Ministry of Magic Office. Enter LUDO BAGMAN
BAGMAN
My days of flying Quidditch brooms
At last came to a close
A new career I then assumed
That's far more grandiose
Whereas I once spent my whole day
Trying to dodge the Bludge
I am now earning all my pay
Working for Corny Fudge
Enter CORNELIUS FUDGE, BARTY CROUCH SR., PERCY WEASLEY, & AMOS DIGGORY
ALL
Oh! Superbureaucraticmagicaladministration
We are the wizards who hold sway over the British nation
We wield great authority with no imagination
Superbureaucraticmagicaladministration
Um diddle diddle diddle um diddle ay
Um diddle diddle diddle um diddle ay
PERCY
A cauldron must be just so thick
So that it rightly bubbles
DIGGORY
To each precaution we must stick
To hide ourselves from Muggles
CROUCH
If wands are waved at home by teens
We'll send owls through the skies
FUDGE
But if the Malfoys say they're clean
We'll trust they don't tell lies
ALL
Oh!
Superbureaucraticmagicaladministration
We are all quite adept at multiplying regulations
We're always being asked to please explain our explanations
Superbureaucraticmagicaladministration
Um diddle diddle diddle um diddle ay
Tom riddle riddle riddle tom riddle ay
PERCY (spoken)
Of course, you can always say it in Latin, which is Optimusimpeditusmagicusadministrationem,
but that's probably incorrectly conjugated, wouldn't you say?
BAGMAN (spoken)
Rem acu tetigesti!
CROUCH
They say the Dark Lord has come back
For a new reign of terror
But if he thinks defense we lack
He's made a deadly error
FUDGE
'Cause we now have a foolproof scheme,
Believe me, you can trust us
We've Bertha Jorkins on the scene
To bring him back to justice
ALL
Superbureaucraticmagicaladministration
Voldemort will rue the day he launched his new invasion
'Cause we've approved a ruling which declares our condemnation
Superbureaucraticmagicaladministration!!!!
NOTE: Literally, "You have touched it with a needle" - figuratively translated, "Indubitably!"
To the tune of The Beach Boys' Fun Fun Fun
THE SCENE: Ministry of Magic. Enter CORNELIUS FUDGE and a CHORUS OF ASSOCIATE MINISTERS (who assume the classic Hear No Evil, Speak No Evil, See No Evil posture throughout the song)
FUDGE
Dumbledore's here, and he says he needs to give me instruction
He says Voldemort's back, bearing Curses that cause massive destruction
So we Ministers now will have to use our vaunted skills of obstruction
And we'll just Fudge Fudge Fudge till the Dark Lord blows each wizard away
FUDGE (& CHORUS)
Now, Severus Snape says he wants me doin' arms inspection
(He was a DE now, he was a DE)
He says his Dark Mark's ablaze, it's a symptom of an evil infection
(Tattoos we can't see now, tattoos we can't see)
He tells me two `n' two's four, but I somehow just can't make that connection
(We think it makes three now, we think it makes three)
So I'll just Fudge Fudge Fudge till the Dark Lord smashes placid clichés
The Potter lad claims that we ought to make a strike that's pre-emptive
(A change of regimes now, a change of regimes)
But that's too great a risk, it's a thing for which I have no incentive
(That sounds too extreme now, it sounds too extreme)
For if he is ignored , Voldemort just might remain inattentive
(We have a pipe-dream now, we have a pipe dream)
So I'll just Fudge Fudge Fudge till dementors put us all on display
And we'll just Fudge Fudge Fudge till the Dark Lord forces us to obey
(Fudge Fudge Fudge till the Dark Lord forces us to obey)
We'll beat around the bush till the Dark Lord forces us to obey
(Fudge Fudge Fudge till the Dark Lord forces us to obey)
(Fudge Fudge Fudge til the traitors who all hate us betray)
(Fudge Fudge til the traitors who all hate us betray......)
A filk by Salazar to the tune of Gilbert and Sullivan's Major General Song from The Pirates of Penzance.
FUDGE prances onto the stage, followed by a CHORUS OF MINISTRY OFFICIALS.
FUDGE
I am the very model of a modern Magic Minister
I wear a lime-green bowler hat and can look oddly sinister.
I'm teeming with enthusiasm for the office that I hold
Although when it comes down to it, my acts are never very bold.
My assistants are well-versed in all their history and other writs
Despite the fact that most of them are just Death Eater hypocrites.
I find myself in dire straits when Umbridge makes herself a fool
By bogging down the system that they instrument at Hogwarts School!
OFFICIALS
By bogging down the system that they instrument at Hogwarts School!
By bogging down the system that they instrument at Hogwarts School!
By bogging down the system that they instrument at Hogwarts School!
FUDGE
Though I didn't believe Dumbledore when he said You-Know-Who was back
I find myself in trouble now that he has launched a new attack
But still, by wearing bowler hats and looking oddly sinister
I am the very model of a modern Magic Minister!
OFFICIALS
But still, by wearing bowler hats and looking oddly sinister
He is the very model of a modern Magic Minister!
FUDGE
I haven't just the foggiest how Wormtail came alive again
Although just when it happened Potter and his friends derived it then
And Voldemort's return is just a myst'ry where I am concerned
Although when they proved us wrong I knew then that I had gotten burned.
Now You-know-who is back again and I am really quite surprised
Because I haven't just one clue how he has been revitalized
I used to think that Potter and his mentor were alarmist jerks
For teaching all the students how the spell expelliarmus works!
OFFICIALS
For teaching all the students how the spell expelliarmus works!
For teaching all the students how the spell expelliarmus works!
For teaching all the students how the spell expelliarmus works!
FUDGE
It's such a bloody nuisance now that Dumble's got his eminence
And I am stuck here publishing the Idiot's (pronounced id-yot's) guide to self defense
But still, by wearing bowler hats and looking oddly sinister
I am the very model of a modern Magic Minister!
OFFICIALS
But still, by wearing bowler hats and looking oddly sinister
He is the very model of a modern Magic Minister!
FUDGE
In fact, at some point when I'm doing work to run the government
And not spending all of my time in Dumbledore's damn covenant
And maybe then I'll have some time to do some work that's not absurd...
And not be tangled up in this weird order of a firebird
Perhaps one day I'll find that I can safely, strongly rule the land
While Umbridge carves some letters in the back of all our children's hands.
But I can't think about all that when I have got a war to fight
Why did this have to happen now, I wish that I could still sit tight!
OFFICIALS
Why did this have to happen now, we wish that we could still sit tight!
Why did this have to happen now, we wish that we could still sit tight!
Why did this have to happen now, we wish that we could still sit tight!
FUDGE
But my standards of security are not based quite so loosely, though
Because I am afraid that I may be hit with a Crucio
But still, by wearing bowler hats and looking oddly sinister
I am the very model of a modern Magic Minister!
OFFICIALS
But still, by wearing bowler hats and looking oddly sinister
He is the very model of a modern Magic Minister
A filk by Richard to the tune of The Red, White, and Blue aka The Angry American by Toby Keith.
FUDGE:
Wizarding Girls, and Wizarding Guys
Come all and gather around me; come all and- hear my lies
You see, Albus is lying; Voldemort's dead
And we lean on the Prophet so that you don't have to dread.
Moody had served in the Ministry, he lost his right eye,
But now he's gone to Dumbledore, he's gone and picked his side.
He wanted Dolores-Jane Umbridge, Percy and me,
To hand over all the power of my ministry.
Now this office that I love has fallen under attack,
A mighty Dumbledore came flying in with Potter at his back.
Till we can see clearly, we'll make up some lies,
We'll align ourselves with Voldemort's allies…
(Chorus)
Hey Dumbledore, got your name at the top of my list,
And Dolores Umbridge has gone a-shaking her fist.
And the Prophet will lie, man there's gonna be hell,
When you hear Percy Weasley start ringing the bell.
And if you find the truth about Voldy, please don't hold a grudge,
Oh, brought to you courtesy, of Cornelius Fudge.
Oh,Voldemort will rise and the truth will be found,
Hagrid will be a-coming with is great boar hound,
We'll be sorry that we lied, I'll look like a clown….
They'll put a boot in our @$$, and kick us right out of town.
(Chorus)
Hey Dumbledore, got your name at the top of my list,
And Dolores Umbridge has gone a-shaking her fist.
And the Prophet will lie, man there's gonna be hell,
When you hear Percy Weasley start ringing the bell.
And if you find the truth about Voldy, please don't hold a grudge,
Oh, brought to you courtesy, of Cornelius Fudge.
Of Cornelius Fudge
Of Cornelius Fudge
A filk by Falcona to the tune of As Someday It May Happen (aka I've Got a Little List) from The Mikado by Gilbert and Sullivan.
Fudge in the wake of OotP is providing his excuses for hindering rather than helping Dumbledore combat Voldemort
FUDGE:
When reasoning for my delay of Albus must be found,
I've got a little list--I've got a little list
Of rationalizations which to fool the press are bound,
So I'll now give you the gist--I'll now give you the gist!
First, the troubled teenage hero who hears voices in stone walls--
"He's friends with mad half-giants," Draco told me in a drawl,
"And he set a serpent on a student right back in his Second Year--
Not to mention how he sneaks around just for some Butterbeer."
Thus, Lord Thingy's only spotter's Dark, delusional and pissed--
He's the main one on my list--the main one on my list!
Then there's that greasy-haired Professor with a nose that's far too long,
Who needs a psychoanalyst--I've got him on my list!
Employing an ex-Death Eater--it really isn't done,
Snape should rather have been kiss'd--should rather have been kiss'd!
Please remember he was set to guard the Philosopher's Stone,
And made a puzzle solved by one elev'n year old alone,
One cannot help but wonder who he took his orders from--
If the director in this case was dear Albus or--er--Tom.
The evidence proves Snape to be a D.E. loyalist--
That's another on my list--another on my list!
And the Azkaban escapee who has been an ample threat;
And was at large in our midst--I've got him on the list!
Apparently a slayer, who could kill and not break sweat
And worse: a motorcyclist--a motorcyclist!
Then his cousin and his in-laws broke from prison with his aid,
Every Auror had to guard against the Death Eater brigade;
But Albus thought Black innocent - now what to make of that?
Had he finally gone senile, since he so trusted the Brat?
Though new reports the truth of Potter's story do assist
Black'll still go on my list--he'll still go on my list.
Then the werewolf and the mermen and the centaur-prophesier
And that house-elf anarchist--he's next upon my list!
Also goblins, trolls and dragons, for they cause a lot of fear
And should not, I think, exist--should not I think exist!
Those children who at Hogwarts work at Dumbledore's behest--
And since I've mentioned them I may as well add all the rest,
The students, staff and portraits, with their plans for coup d'etats
Plus the ghosts, the suits of armour and, of course, that Sorting Hat!
So every House and teacher that Dolores did resist
Will have room upon my list--will have room upon my list.
A filk by iTickleSleepingDragons to the tune of Simon and Garfunkel'sCecilia
ORDER OF THE PHOENIX (CHORUS):
Cornelius, you're making this hard
You're printing your articles daily
Oh Cornelius we think you're a git
A really big twit don't you know (don't you know)
HARRY:
Making laws in the old courtrooms
To help Umbridge and your other goons (Making laws!)
You sent her to Hogwarts school
And when Dumbledore left she took over his rule
CHORUS
During the instrumental break, the bad guys break into the Hall of Prophecy, but are thwarted once again by Harry Potter
FUDGE:
Humiliation! The Dark Lord's broke in
His Death Eaters plotting things sinister
Trepidation! Lord Thingy again
I'll go talk with their Other Minister
Oooh Whoa Whoa Oh Oh Whoa Whoa etc.
To the tune of Tom Lehrer's National Brotherhood Week
THE SCENE: The Atrium at the Ministry of Magic. Standing before the Fountain of Magical Brethren, Minister of Magic CORNELIUS FUDGE promotes the newly established Magical Brethren Week
FUDGE:
Oh the centaurs hate the wizards
And the wizards hate the centaurs
They would rather kiss dementors
Than give the other one respect
But during Magical Brethren Week
Magical Brethren Week
Bane lets Dolores practice her saddleback technique
It's neat to act benign
Towards them that's half equine
And also it's politically correct
Oh, the owners hate their house-elves
And the house-elves fear their owners
There are witches who've been known to
Mount their severed heads in rows
But during Magical Brethren Week
Magical Brethren Week
Narcissa and Lou are begging to wash Dobby's feet
`Cause being nice to imps
Does not turn us to wimps
So long as we don't have to give them clothes
Oh the goblins hate the humans
And the humans hate the goblins
You can hear some vicious squabblin'
During Goblin mutinies
But during Magical Brethren Week
Magical Brethren Week
Gringotts says they'll give away each silverwork antique
Step up and stoutly thank
The folks who control your bank
The robes of magic brotherhood we've donned
Be grateful, though, that no one else has wands!
A filk by Charis Julia to the tune of Rasputin by Boney M
NOTE: a good part of this filk is based on exchanges between Elkins and Eileen in the general context of the Crouch Trilogy Squared. It is therefore dedicated to them both. And a suggestion: Try to imagine it with Cindy in the background going "Hey hey hey hey. . ." in a hollow chant. It really adds a certain something.
There worked a certain man for the MM long ago,
He was stiff, uptight, he did not look like a scarecrow.
Elkins considered him the epitome of Bad,
But CRABCUSTARD held that this guy was really rad.
He despised the DEs and their leader,
Dark Arts he could not abide,
But it takes a sympathetic reader
To see past near filicide.
EILEEN:
BAR BAR BARTY CROUCH
I claim he is Dead Sexy!
And this CRABCUSTARD tastes really good.
ELKINS:
BAR BAR BARTY CROUCH
Bulging eyes make him ugly,
And I won't touch that, are we understood?
He ruled the Ministry and never mind trial rights
For on the top job it was he had set his sights
But when Voldemort did fall, his hopes did not come true,
At the Bagman trial the crowd did begin to boo.
For Eileen he was a Tragic Hero,
Though she's read the things he's done,
But for Elkins he was more like Nero,
She prefers his son.
BAR BAR BARTY CROUCH
On young House Elves he was keen
He'd one at home (his wife she was dead)
BAR BAR BARTY CROUCH
Winky cared for his hygiene
And who knows what she did in his bed.
(Spoken):
So when his ruthlessness and arbitrariness and his irregular hours
Became known to more and more people
The demands to allocate to this outrageous man the supervision of an
important ministerial department
Became louder and louder
"Very disappointing" pronounced Junior Crouch
And he sat and watched as Voldie made his Dad go "Ouch!"
Imperius I'd say was applied with real spite,
It took Crouch some months 'gainst it to begin to fight.
Then one night for Albus he came running
Acting really most deranged,
But Fake!Moody with a spot of stunning
His death soon arranged
BAR BAR BARTY CROUCH
Now in wizard hell he'll roast
Sic Semper Tyrannis as old writers said
BAR BAR BARTY CROUCH
Though he could come back as a ghost
Don't know 'bout Sexy, he's certainly Dead
Oh, that Barty. . .
A filk by Eileen to the tune of You're a Mean One, Mr. Grinch
You're a mean one, Mr. Crouch.
You really are a heel.
You're as sexy as a beach crab.
You're as upright as an eel.
Mr. Crouch.
You're a Coriolanus
With a Brutian feel.
You're a monster, Mr. Crouch.
Your heart's an empty hole.
Your acts are all ambition,
Your motives black as coal,
Mr. Crouch.
I wouldn't mind, Crouch,
If the author'd damned your soul.
You're a vile one, Mr. Crouch.
You've a Basiliskan smile.
You have all the tender sweetness
Of some armadillo bile.
Mr. Crouch.
Given the choice between the two of you
I'd take the armadillo bile.
You're a foul one, Mr. Crouch.
You're an ever-so-evil git.
Your closet's full of skeletons.
Your love as pure as grit.
Mr. Crouch.
The one word that best describes you,
Is, and I quote: 'HY-PO-CRITE"
You're a rotter, Mr. Crouch.
You did anything for fame.
You were sleeping with your house-elf.
You forgot poor Percy's name.
Mr. Crouch.
Your soul is an appalling dump heap overflowing,
With the most disgraceful assortment of deplorable rubbish imaginable,
Mangled up in tangled-up blame.
------------------------------------------------------
Eileen, who is going to have to make up for this by writing a more Crouch-sympathetic FILK, and notes that the Grinch got a Redemption scene as well
To the tune of Let it Be by the Beatles
BARTY CROUCH SR:
When I find myself in need of flunkies, him I call ASAP
Sending owls and memos, Weatherby
And in my hour of thirstiness he's bringing me a cup of tea
With biscuits and sugar, Weatherby
Weatherby, Weatherby, Weatherby, Weatherby
Send this urgent memo, Weatherby
And when the thinly-bottomed cauldrons pose a threat to industry
Go research the answer, Weatherby
Because they are imported, we must vow to buy domestically
That's the correct answer, Weatherby
Weatherby, Weatherby, Weatherby, Weatherby
That will be the answer, Weatherby
Weatherby, Weatherby, Weatherby, Weatherby
Putting out the fires, Weatherby
Weatherby, Weatherby, Weatherby, Weatherby
Putting out the fires, Weatherby
And though my mind is maddened, there is still one wishing to be me
Seeking to gain power, Weatherby
But if next year, he's serving Corny, then he's crazier than me
Confirming the number, Weatherby
Weatherby, Weatherby, Weatherby, yeah, Weatherby
Opening his Howlers, Weatherby
Weatherby, Weatherby, Weatherby, yeah, Weatherby
Opening his Howlers, Weatherby
A filk by Kaesa Aurelia Secunda to the tune of Tom Lehrer's Whatever Became of Hubert? I have searched for a MIDI or mp3 or other sound file, but none seem to exist online.
Whatever became of Barty?
What caused him to disappear?
Once his prospects were grand,
And with wand in his hand
He guaranteed his career.
Once the future Minister QED,
Ah, but now his son's hobby impedes, he
Is no longer a good candidate,
For Junior it's too little too late.
"We must confess this scandal, Barty,"
Says each newspaper reader.
"Has made us wary of your party,
Please don't be our leader."
Whatever became of you, Barty?
What office do you now hold?
Is it big? Is it grand?
Do you now rule the land?
Does the world in your hand
Unfold?
Does Percy, devoting his life to your cause
Know the things you have done and the breaks in your laws?
Are you the newest convert to "SPEW"?
Barty, what happened to you?
To the tune of Frosty the Snowman
Enter BAGMAN & CHORUS of WIMBOURNE WASPS
CHORUS
Ludo the Bagman
Has a very checkered past
BAGMAN
Didn't know Rookwood
Was no darn good,
Let me now give my broadcast.
CHORUS
Ludo the Bagman
Has some really heavy debts
BAGMAN
Ludo means "I play"
So I do each day
And I'm having fun, you bet
CHORUS
When Bertha Jorkins vanished after meeting Dark Arts spawn
Ludo did not notice her face was on every milk carton
Oh Ludo the Bagman
Winky says you're very bad
BAGMAN
But it takes all sorts
To play magic sports,
Time to help that Potter lad.
Exit BAGMAN very quickly
CHORUS
Bludgery bump bump
Look at Ludo go
Bludgery bump bump
Bludgery bump bump
Goblins are sure gung ho
To the tune of Elton John's Bennie & the Jets
On a suggestion from Linda McCabe
THE SCENE: Before the Quidditch World Cup. Enter BAGMAN and the TRIO
BAGMAN
Hey kids, toss the dice together
Dame Fortune's lovin' someone
And she's lighter than a feather
I call the Quidditch Cup tonight
So stick around
You're gonna hear me do my voice trick,
Sonorum resounds.
HARRY
Hey, Hermy & Ronnie, have you seen him yet?
Though he's so played out, B-B-Bagman's making bets.
He's dog-eared and he's blundering
Yet Ludo has his serenade
And poor George & Fred were both misled
`Cause when it's time to pay he splits the scene
Oh, B-B-Bagman making bets.
BAGMAN
Hey, gang, make book on the Tri-Wiz
The odds are one-sided
But sure to win my guy is
I shall contrive, let me help Harry along
When he fights the dragon he'll have my hints
I'll win Gold on this shot so long
TRIO
Hey, Moody & Griphook, have you caught him yet?
Will he just fade out, B-B-Bagman will, we bet.
He's impaired and he's lumbering
Yet Ludo has his serenade
And with Fred and George he raised their gorge
`Cause when it's time to pay he splits the scene
Oh, B-B-Bagman making bets.
Bagman…..
Bagman…..
Bagman…..
A filk by Richard to the tune of Benny and the Jets, by Elton John
Hey folks, stand and shout together,
A game's a-going down, who's gonna bet the winner?
Bulgaria versus Ireland so-stick around…
You're gonna see leprechaun gold falling on the ground…..
(Chorus):
Say, Fred and George, oh have you seen him yet,
Oh, he lies and pouts,
B-b-b-Bagman and his bets.
Oh, he's kind and deceitful,
Oh Harry, he's really keen,
He's got a Quidditch suit, knee-high boots,
Ya know I saw him in a Magazine…
Yea, ohhhh….
B-b-b-Bagman and his bets.
Hey Folks, dig into your pockets,
The Gold disappears, there ain't no way to lock it,
Ireland will win, but Viktor will take the Snitch,
That's how we play dirty here in the world of Quidditch….
(Chorus):
Say, Fred and George, oh have you seen him yet,
O-o-o, he lies and pouts,
B-b-b-Bagman and his bets.
Oh, he's kind and deceitful,
Oh Harry, he's really keen,
He's got a Quidditch suit, knee-high boots,
Ya know I saw him in a Magazine…
Yea, ohhhh….
B-b-b-Bagman and his bets.
(Chorus):
Oh, Fred and George, oh have you seen him yet,
Oh, he lies and pouts,
B-b-b-Bagman and his bets.
Oh, he's kind and deceitful,
Oh Harry, he's really keen,
He's got a Quidditch suit, knee-high boots,
Ya know I saw him in a Magazine…
Yea, ohhhh….
B-b-b-Bagman and his bets.
Bagman, bagman and his bets…
Bagman, Bagman, Bagman, Bagman and his bets…
Bagman, Bagman, Bagman, Bagman and his bets…
Bagman, Bagman, Bagman and his bets…
Bagman, Bagman, Bagman and his bets…
fade
A filk by Jill to the tune of If I Were a Rich Man, from Fiddler on the Roof
BAGMAN (spoken): Merlin, I've met a lot of naive people. I realize, of course, that it's no shame to be thick. But it's no great profit either! So, why has it been so difficult to make my own small fortune?
I am Ludo Bagman.
Wanna place a bet? Put down your sickle, knut or galleon.
I'll just take your money and I'll run.
You'll make me a wealthy man!
Shouldn't have to work hard.
Got some extra gold? Put down your sickle, knut or galleon.
No big deal, it's all in good fun!
Put down all the money that you can.
Just watch, I'll use my clout and fame as a Beater
To keep my jock reputation fine.
The crowds will flock when they see my yellow robe.
But they don't know that way deep down I'm a cheater,
And that their money will be mine,
I'll make a bunch from suckers 'round the globe!
I know that some still claim that I'm a Death Eater
There is no proof but there's a chance
I couldn't tell You-Know-Who from you-know-where. :)
My job with magical games and sports is much sweeter
Than living a life in Azkaban,
I'm meant to schmooze and smile with savior-faire!
I am Ludo Bagman.
Wanna place a bet? Put down your sickle, knut or galleon.
I'll just take your money and I'll run.
You'll make me a wealthy man!
Shouldn't have to work hard.
Got some extra gold? Put down your sickle, knut or galleon.
No big deal, it's all in good fun!
Put down all the money that you can.
I saw those Weasley twins, and they placed a wager
At the Quidditch World Cup.
Gave me all their coins, more than just a few.
But then Ireland won though the victory wasn't major.
Because Krum snatched the Golden Snitch.
How did they guess, where did they get the clue?
And now I owe those goblins lots of remuneration!
They still ask me to repay them,
Like a common debtor.
"If you please, Mr. Bagman..."
"Pardon me, Mr. Bagman..."
Pretty soon I expect to see the repo man!
And it will make a great big difference
If I get the cash somehow.
The Tri-Wizard Cup might be my saving grace!
And as a judge I'll use my magnetic charm
To help Harry Potter in the tasks.
He's a long shot but he's the Boy Who Lived.
But in the maze he shared the cup with that Cedric,
Why would he dare do such a thing?
A tie won't get me anywhere at all!
I am Ludo Bagman
Wanna place a bet? Put down your sickle, knut or galleon.
I'll just take your money and I'll run.
I'd love to be a wealthy man.
I don't want to work hard.
Got some extra gold? Put down your sickle, knut or galleon.
No big deal, it's all in good fun,
Here they come, I've really got to run,
If goblins ever catch me then I'm done,
Yes, I am a gamblin' man!
A filk by Ginger to the tune of The Adams' Family theme.
I'll just put *** in where the instrumental and finger snapping is supposed to be. I'd appreciate it if you added it yourself as I can't snap my fingers.
***
She sat through Harry's trial
Near Toady's simp'ring smile
Whilst Fudge was in denial.
Amelia Susan Bones.
***
"Patronus corporeal?"
She asked with gaze of steel
That Harry could quite feel.
Amelia Susan Bones.
***
By monocle bespected,
Austere, stern, and respected,
To Hufflepuff connected.
Amelia Susan Bones.
***
To fight the good fight ready,
Just like poor brother Eddy,
Her moral keel quite steady.
Amelia Susan Bones.