The Waits: 2001-2007

Image © 2007 Red Scharlach

- Lord Voldemort, GoF, Chapter 1

If you're going to tell them the story, get a move on.... I've waited twelve years, I'm not going to wait much longer.

- Sirius Black, PoA, Chap. 18

Now that the entire HP cycle is complete, these songs are of historic interest only, but they do reflect the excitement, the fevered speculation, the impatient frustration, and the joyous anticipation that greeted the last three books of Rowling's saga.

Waiting for Book Five: Phase One

This first group of filks was written between May of 2001 and September 2002, in a dark period when JKR was staying mum on her lawyer's advice, over a lawsuit from a coloring book illustrator, and we were without information as to when we could expect Book Five. HP fans wavered between hope, impatience, exasperation, despair, and once again, hope.

After Volume Four by Pippin
Someday We'll Know by GiNnY
Blowin' in the Wind by Pip
By the Time She Gets Out Phoenix
The Cry of the Potter Junkie by Dicentra
As Years Go By by Gryffleraverin
Phoenix
What Ever Became Of Harry?
Just Write the Book by Kit
Joanne, Give Us Book Five! by Polish Girl
When Will The Story Go On? (Potterholics' Lament) by Ravenclaw Chaser
The Story Will Soon Go On (Potterholics' Contentment) by Ravenclaw Chaser
We Have Ways To Make You Talk by Adam Selzer
Won't Give Me Five
Some Day Her Proofs Will Come

Waiting for Book Five: Phase Two

Waiting for Book Six (March 15, 2004 - July 14, 2005)

Waiting for Book Seven (Sept. 25, 2005- July 19, 2007)

Copyright 2001-2007 by Caius Marcius except The Cry of the Potter Junkie Copyright 2002 by Dicentra; After Volume Four, Evans Fans Copyright 2002, 2004 by Pippin; Someday We'll Know Copyright 2002 by GiNnY; As Years Go By Copyright 2002 by Gryffleraverin; When Will The Story Go On?, The Story Will Soon Go On and The Story Is Going On Copyright 2002 by Ravenclaw Chaser; We Have Ways To Make You Talk Copyright 2002 by Adam Selzer; Blowin' in the Wind Copyright 2002 by Pip; Just Write the Book Copyright 2002 by Kit; Joanne, Give Us Book Five! Copyright 2002 by Polish Girl; The Story Is Going On and The Story Goes On In June Copyright 2002, 2003 by Ravenclaw Chaser; Half Blood Prince, I Have Some Theories, Long, Long, Long, OoP, and Waiting For Book Five To Come Copyright 2003, 2005 by Gail; Book Five's Almost Here!, Love Potion in Book Five and A Message From JK Copyright 2002-2004 by Lilac; Here Comes Book Five! Copyright 2003 by Amy Z; Child of Prophecy and It's a Book! Copyright 2003, 2004 by Mariner; And The Fans Cry "Harry" Copyright 2003 by Dave Weingart; Waitin' For Book Five Copyright 2003 by Hiydra; Waiting For Order Of The Phoenix Copyright 2003 by Anton; TWAS the Week Before Christmas and Wishing and Hoping Copyright 2003, 2006 by Heidi Tandy; Book Six Copyright 2004 by Pixieberry; 50 Ways to Wait for Book 6 and How Are Things in Barnes and Noble? Copyright 2004, 2005 by Constance Vigilance; I, Who Am Nothing and Who Is The Half Blood Prince? Copyright 2004 by Jason LeBouef; Book (reprise) Copyright 2004 by loony; Another One Bites the Dust and I Will Survive Copyright 2004, 2007 by The Final Stillness of Saturn; Book Six is Finally Here Copyright 2004 by Richard; I've Got A Theory and Wishing We Now Had the Half-Blood Prince Copyright 2005 by R.J. Lupin; Just You Wait! Copyright 2005 by Ravenclaw Bookworm; The Rowling Copyright 2005 by Red Scharlach; Interpretation Copyright 2005 by Ginger; How Do You Solve the Problems With the Plot Lines? Copyright 2005 by Randy Estes; His Name is Regulus Copyright 2005 by Murasaki; Seven Copyright 2007 by Nymphadora; Deathly Hallows Copyright 2007 by Pierne; Holding Out For a Horcrux Copyright 2007 by Ms. Gehayi & Underlucius; We Get the Book Tonight Copyright 2007 by Jill

A filk by Pippin to the tune of The Beatles' When I'm Sixty Four

We're getting older, starting to swear
Almost two years now
When will they be sending us a release date
How long do they think we can wait?
Two thousand two or two thousand three?
Not two thousand four!??
I wanna read it, I really need it
More than Volume Four

Oh Oh hurry Joannie do -ahh
And when you get the word, email, owl or floo.

Every new rumor soon gets defused
What's a fan to do?
Build a Lego castle by the fireside
Take a broomstick toy for a ride.
Searching the websites digging for leads
Scuttlebutt galore
Madly the mouse clicks still there's no Phoenix
After Volume Four.

Every day I check with Barnes and Noble and with Amazon
When will it appear
Hear me scream and rave
Oh, oh, I'm begging on my knees
Volume Five I crave

Go to the cafe, write us a line
Even one or two
Who's the fan of Harry's that is going to die?
Will Ron make Hermione cry?
How many kids in Gryffindor dorm
Are there, less or more?
Jo, feed my habit, don't quit, dagnabit
After Volume Four.

A filk by GiNnY to the tune of Someday We'll Know by the New Radicals; recently remade by Mandy Moore and Jonathan Foreman

Setting: Two years after the release of GoF, a Disgruntled and Impatient Fan complains about OoP and its maddeningly delayed released date....

D & I FAN:
Summer days spent in the Burrow,
Can't stop thinking, d'ya wanna know why?
So many questions, I need answers,
Two years later, they're still on my mind.

Whatever happened to Snape's secret mission?
Or Voldemort, back from the grave?
Will Pettigrew's new hand wreak havoc?
Will Padfoot hide out 'ever in a cave?

Oh, someday we'll know
What's the Order of the Phoenix?
Someday we'll know
Who Rowling will kill off.
Someday we'll know
What became of Karkaroff?

Will Wood ever play in a Quidditch World Cup?
Who'll be Gryff captain now that he's gone?
Will Hermione become a school prefect?
Will she end up with Viktor or with Ron?

Oh, someday we'll know
Will Fleur be back at Hogwarts?
Someday we'll know
Will the house elves be set free?
Someday we'll know
What's new at Diagon Alley?

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah
Someday we'll know
Who'll be the next Defense prof?
Someday we'll know
Where Hagrid's going to,
Someday we'll know
Is it a win for Albus and his crew?

(instrumental)

Will anybody know the fate of poor Buckbeak?
Who'll win the House and Quidditch cup this year?
Will the Twins' Joke Shop finally be established?
I'll go down my questions with some Butterbeer!

Oh, someday we'll know
What side Percy will be on
Someday we'll know
What Dudley's been up to
Someday we'll know
Will Ginny be forever blue?

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah
Someday we'll know
who Harry'll fall in love with
One day, I hope to read Book 5, its true,
Someday, I hope
Rowling's writing will be through.

A filk by Pip to the tune of Blowin' in the Wind by Bob Dylan.

SCENE: Bare stage, with spotlighted JKR with acoustic guitar in the centre, with a Chorus of Listies and Publishers to her right and left.

LISTIES:
How many posts on ol' Snape's life debts
Before we all see the light?
Yes, 'n' what blind roads must a list walk down
Before we can read Book Five?
Yes, 'n' how many times must the can(n)on's all fire
Before this damm Phoenix flies?

JKR:
The answer, my friends, is blowin' in the wind
The answer is blowin' in the wind.

PUBLISHERS:
How many times must we say "not yet"
Before we can say that it's here?
Yes, 'n' how many contracts will we rewrite
Before there's a one that's sincere?
Yes, 'n' how many readers can we still keep
If it's not come out by next year?

JKR:
The answer, my friends, is blowin' in the wind
The answer is blowin' in the wind.

JKR:
How many times must I look for FLINTS
Before I know there are none?
Yes, 'n' how many plots must I rethink
Before the holes are all gone?
Yes, 'n' how many scenes must I rewrite
Before it's finally done?

LISTIES AND PUBLISHERS:
The answer, dear friend, is blowin' in the wind
The answer is blowin' in the wind.

To the tune of By the Time I Get to Phoenix by Glenn Campbell

By the time she gets out Phoenix I'll be frantic
I'll have read the Canon 50 times or more
I'll have scrolled through each website and fanfic
'Tween debates about that "gleam" of Dumbledore

By the time it gets to Borders, I'll be queuing
I'll stand in line all evening or even past dawn
I'll get hysterical if they should sell out
I'll be off the wall; that's all.....

By the time I make it home, I'll be speed-reading
I'll turn pages quickly and gasp out loud
I won't put it down until it's over
When I finish it, time will again move slow
Despite the afterglow, there's still two books to go……

A filk by Gryffleraverin to the tune of As Tears Go By (The Rolling Stones)

Outside the home of J.K. Rowling, angry fans lament the wait of Book Five...

It is due time for a release date
I sit and ponder Harry's fate
Frowning faces I can see
Fans of Harry
We sit and wait
As years go by

Imagination, that is the key
Pass time defending your theories
And I still don't hear news
Of release-date-release clues
I'm impatient
As years go by

For some Harry P. is a new read
And I am overcome with greed
I count years, 'cause: "It's been two!"
Waiting is new
For new-born fans
As years go by...

Fans who have been waiting two years for a new book unite and start chanting, "We want Order of the Phoenix, we want Order of the Phoenix!"

A filk by Kit to the tune of Everyday I Write the Book by Elvis Costello and the Attractions

What happened to Order of the Phoenix?
Though the movies are quite good so far
They'll be finished with Five before you are
You've been great thus; please don't you mistake us
But seven is your mission and you're missing three editions

We're giving you that longing look
Don't delay, don't delay, don't delay
Please JK, just write the book

In book one we first discovered all the fun
By book two we truly fell in love with you
Obsessed with Harry by the middle of HP three
And we'll be mesmerized by tricks throughout books four, five, and six

We're giving you that longing look
Don't delay, don't delay, don't delay
Please JK, just write the book

They say next year
Then what, pray tell, happened to freakin' July?
Next it will be when pigs fly
By the time I can use my Hedwig bookmark
Hell will have frozen over and the sun will be dark

We're giving you that longing look
Don't delay, don't delay, don't delay
Please JK, just write the book

We swear we wouldn't know the difference
If you got help from an outsider
It seems that you have broken your typewriter
Though we know you want it good and we're trying to be cool
It's not like you own the film rights, so get working on the sequal

We're giving you that longing look
Don't delay, don't delay, don't delay
Please JK, just write the book

A filk by Polish Girl to the tune of We Can Work It Out by The Beatles

Try to see it our way,
Do we have to keep reading fanfic till we can't go on?
So you have writer's block
But there's a risk involved- your fans might soon be gone!

Joanne, write Book Five!
Joanne, write Book Five!

Think of what you're doing!
You can pair H/Hr and we still might think it's alright
Think of what we're going through
Come on, write the book, work it out or we'll go nuts!

Joanne, give us Book Five!
Joanne, give us Book Five

We need that book, and we're running out of patience
Stop the fussing and start writing, Joanne!
We're going nuts, Jo, it's a crime!
So we'll royally beg you once again.

Try to see it our way,
Only time will tell if we'll not lose our minds!
While you need more time
There's a chance that we may start on other books before too long!

We need that book!
We need that book!

Tempers are getting short, and there's no time
For insisting on perfection, Joanne
Do you want to commit this unforgivable crime?
OK, we'll plead with you once again.

Try to see it our way,
Do we have to keep reading fanfic till we can't go on?
So you have writer's block
But there's a risk involved - your fans might soon be gone!
Joanne, write Book Five!
Joanne, write Book Five!

A filk by Ravenclaw Chaser to the tune of Celine Dion's My Heart Will Go On

When we first read Book Four, the ending, left us hanging,
But we knew that Book Five couldn't be far.
It's been such a long time since Voldy rose again.
The story just has to go on.

You say that Phoenix is on its way.
When will the story go on?
Sirius and Lupin just have to come again.
The Quidditch team has no Captain.
When will the story go on and on?

Hermione's so perfect; she'll be a prefect.
Maybe Ron and Harry will be too.
Someone's gonna die; we want to know who and why,
And where has Snape gone to?

You may mean we have to wait 'til '03
To see the story go on.
Fudge may be good or bad, we'll just see.
Ron and Hermione may be a pair.
When will the story go on and on?

Instrumental

We've had to wait since year 2K
For the story to go on.
Let's not nix The Order of the Phoenix.
Summer or fall, just get it out
And let the story go on and on . . .

Note: After I wrote When Will The Story Go On?, I recieved some criticism from some people and even read an editorial called Don't Hurry Harry telling people like me to chill out. I felt like a bit of a heel, so I decided to write a sequel, and here it is:

The Story Will Soon Go On
(Or Potterhilcs' Contentment To Wait For Book Five)

A filk by Ravenclaw Chaser to the tune of Celine Dion's My Heart Will Go On

Potterholics near and far are sitting on edge
For the next year at Hogwarts.
But as for me and my friends, we are content
To let the story come as it will.

We have faith that Rowling will say:
"The story will now go on."
Book Five will soon come alive
In the readers' minds and hearts
The story will soon go on and on.

Goblet of Fire left us to be inspired
As to what happens now.
Some have even made up what they think happens next,
But they could be totally off.

The longer we wait, the better Five will be
Than if it'd come too fast.
The movies help add to the series
And keep us from going crazy
Waiting for the story to go on and on.

Instrumental, but you already knew that ^_^

Part of the fun is not when it's done,
But waiting for the story to go on.
I forsee that all will party
When Order of the Phoenix comes out
And the story goes on and on . . .

Hope you liked them both, no matter what side of the fence you're on! :-D

A filk by Adam Selzer, to an original tune

NOTE: The author wishes it to make it clear that while he may occasionally stalk a person or two in a filksong, he would never do so in real life.

The next book in my favorite series was delayed again
I said to my baby, "My wits are at an end!
If I have to wait much longer I just might end up dead
But I'm sure the story is there in the author's head
So pack a couple sandwiches and try to look your best
We're gonna mail ourselves in care of the publisher's address!"

CHORUS:
We have ways
We have ways
We have ways to make you talk

We snuck in through her chimney, and took her by surprise
And said, "Tell us what happens next, don't tell us any lies."
She said, "That's a secret, and one I won't reveal."
We said, "That's unacceptable. Now listen, here's the deal:
We expect you to cooperate, you'd better not play dumb
It'd be tough to use the space bar if didn't have your thumbs!"

CHORUS:
We have ways
We have ways
We have ways to make you talk

She wouldn't talk so we put her in the washing machine
It didn't kill her and she came out absolutely clean
I said "now that the gunk inside your ear's not in the way
There's no reason that you shouldn't hear every word we say.
So talk! Or your typewriter gets it in the enter key!"
And she finally gave up and told us everything!

CHORUS:
We have ways
We have ways
We have ways to make you talk

So now we know what's happening to Harry Potter next
And we've even seen a couple of samples from the text
When we went to see George Lucas he initially refused
But we made him an offer that he could not refuse
So let this be a warning, to you writers one and all:
Hurry up and write, or else we'll pay you a call!

A filk by Lilac to the tune of The Battle Hymn of the Republic

The Scene: Spring or Summer 2003. A very large crowd is standing outside a bookstore at five minutes to midnight, awaiting the release of Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix. A lone fan starts singing. Everyone turns to look and listen

Mine eyes hath seen the glory of the coming of Book One
When Books Two and Three came out, I read each word of them 'till done
Book Four was such a masterpiece, JK herself outdone
Now Book Five's almost here!

People start to join in

Glory, glory hallelujah!
We'll have Book Five in hand soon-ah
Underneath this midnight moon-ah
Oh, Book Five's almost here!

Everyone is singing now, and they sound surprisingly like the Mormon Tabernacle Choir

She had to spend two long years suff'ring in litigation
And this drove our favorite author JKR to distraction
We found that Stouffer's "evidence" was just fabrication
But now Book Five is near!

Glory, glory hallelujah!
Over now is the gag rule-ah!
Stouffer never more will sue-ah!
Oh, Book Five's almost here!

JK Rowling had to work to iron out the "Flints"
And the mysteries unlock, such as what means Dumbledore's glint
And writing chapters interesting but close to her blueprints
Now Book Five's almost here!

Glory, glory hallelujah!
Please don't tell us, "April Fool-sah!"
Or it will become mob rule-ah
Please let Book Five be near!

As the clock chimes midnight, JKR emerges from the bookstore. A hush comes over the crowd as they stare in amazement at this unexpected visitor. In one arm is her new baby; in the other outstretched hand she is holding a illow with Book Five sitting on top in all its glory. The clouds part; a shaft of moonlight shines directly upon the book. A male quartet steps forward and quietly sings in four part harmony...

Slowly, with much feeling

With a beauty just like Lily's, JKR is carrying
Two precious new babies: one is bundled-up and drooling;
The other is our long-awaited book, so now we sing,

Back to tempo, and loudly

"Oh, Book Five is now here!"

The entire choir now sings in glorious harmony

Glory, glory hallelujah!
And a moment not too soon-ah!
Now our speculations prove-ah!
Oh, Book Five is now here!

Crescendo

Amen! Amen!

During the "amens", JKR slowly raises the book up as everyone stretches their hands towards the much-anticipated Book Five.

A filk by Ravenclaw Chaser to the tune of Celine Dion's My Heart Will Go On

Ah, yes, grand news has filled the Potterverse since the lawsuit has ended. In honor of this great and wondrous occurrence, the series of filk songs based on My Heart Will Go On about Book Five will continue. By the time we are lining up outside bookstores for Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix, everyone will be sick of me filking this, but I'm having fun, so everyone shut up and enjoy!

SCENE: Anywhere any Potterholic has learned of the glad tidings that accompany the ending of the infamous Stouffer lawsuit.

Joy has filled the Potterverse at the happy news
That Book Five is almost done,
That Stouffer's lawsuit was for nothing
And J.K.'s family is growing.

Near, far, wherever you are,
Celebrate that the story's going on.
Once more Hogwarts'll open its doors
And will let the Phoenix song resound:
"The story's going on"

Though we've had two movies (both of which kick tail),
Nothing can replace the books.
It's taken three years, but we're sure it'll be worth it
When we line up outside Barnes and Noble.

As you rush to Borders, remember congrats are in order
For J.K.'s family'll have one more member.
Baby will take her time, but we don't mind.
The wait for five has trained us
To be patient while the story's going on.

Anyone that doesn't know an instrumental goes here, Filch is going to skin you alive!

The timing couldn't be any more snazzy
Because the movies are taking a short break.
Just think Movie 3 is not 'til '04,
But Book Five's coming in '03
So be glad that now the story's going on...

As soon as THE Final Release Date has been announced, there will be another song and one more after I've read the Book Five. Told you you'd be sick of this.

A filk by Mariner to the tune of Be Our Guest from Disney's Beauty and the Beast

I was so excited when I saw the news, I wrote this at work in one big goofy burst of emotion.

It's a book!
It's a book!
The news is everywhere you look
Read my e-mail when I woke
And screamed until the windows shook
It's all set,
It's all done,
It will be June twenty-one
It's official, we all know it,
From the rooftops now we'll crow it
Let us sing!
Let us dance!
Let us nitpick in advance!
We will figure out the plot by hook or crook!
We'll go and place our orders
At B&N and Borders
For the book,
Yes the book,
It's a book!

Who will live?
Who will die?
Where and when and how and why?
How we burn to finally learn
If Snape is really gone to spy!
It will be so damn long
But with Jo, you can't go wrong
We'll be staying up for ages,
Plowing through nine hundred pages
We'll review!
We'll discuss!
Over every FLINT we'll fuss
We'll be sitting in our comfy reading nooks
Scholastic has decreed
We'll have a chance to read
The new book!
Take a look!
Every reader it will hook!
It's a book!
It's a book!
It's a book!

It's a book!
It's a book!
Don't complain how long it took
We must know how it will go
And interference we won't brook
We won't pause! We won't stop!
We will read until we drop!
The release date is in sight now
Make no social plans that night now
We will sit in our homes
With our big humongous tomes
And we will not take time off to clean or cook
We know we won't get bored
We'll savor every word
Of the book!
It's a book!
It's a book!

Life is not exciting
When the author isn't writing
We've been bereft, with nothing left but Theory Bay
Now we know the big date is approaching
Even though it's still five months away
Three years, we've been waiting
Patiently anticipating
Wanting nothing more than one more book to read
Spinning crazy theories on Yahoo
Sad, depressed and slumping
But today, the joint is jumping!

It's a book!
It's a book!
And our joy can't be mistook!
Will the arc be light or dark?
Will it amuse or will it spook?
It will twist
And surprise
And we'll stay up till sunrise
We'll keep reading
We'll keep going
And the fanbase will keep growing
Line by line
Page by page
We'll enjoy this latest stage
Of the journey that our hero undertook
The time is drawing near
So give a rousing cheer
For the book!
It's a book!
It's a book!
At last, a book!

A filk by Amy Z to the tune of I Will Survive by Gloria Gaynor

Dedicated to all the HPfGUers who have waited so patiently or impatiently

Bloomsbury speaks. Millions of Harry Potter the world over, regardless of what language they speak or whether they like disco, leap up and begin to sing

First there was the boy who lived to get the Stone
Jo promised six more Harry volumes and the future shone
So many of us hanging on what would happen next
She must be a witch from Bath, 'cause this book was hexed

Into Hogwarts' Chamber we gladly went
And those dead-sexy stars of Prisoner, well, they were heaven-sent
By July 2000 (G.o.F.), the fandom was a throng
Ten million strong, forming lines a mile long

We've analyzed! Picked nits galore!
We've exhausted every theory, don't know what to say no more
Schoolbooks and movies couldn't keep us satisfied
We thought we'd crumble--we almost lay down and died

But we've survived! Here comes Book Five!
Oh, as long as Jo keeps writing them, we'll somehow stay alive.
We face a hundred sixty days
Of anticipatory haze
But we'll survive, we will survive!
Hey hey . . .

We've spent thirty-one months picking plots apart,
Dissecting poor old Trevor, parsing Avery's heart
"Who's Florence?" JKR might ask, but we are unashamed--
If things have gotten just a bit far-fetched, it's she who should be blamed

But now no more! The end's in sight!
We'll call in sick, stock up on snacks, and prepare to read all night
Now we're Ordering our Phoenixes and haunting the P.O.
Come June, we'll have 'em quicker than you can say "Accio!"

We're lining up by the bookstore
We've come with sleeping bags, we're armed with copies of Book Four
At 12:01 we'll trade our Sickles for a novel HP high
By quarter after, we'll know which "special fan" must die

Here comes Book Five! We have survived!
Thanks to Rowling and her wizard ilk, imagination thrives
We'll carry on our happy chore, re-reading One through Four
And then Book Five! Here comes Book Five! . . .

. . .and the jubilant voices fade off into the direction of the nearest bookstore

A filk by Ravenclaw Chaser to the tune of Celine Dion's My Heart Will Go On (what else?)

Well, friends, it has come to pass. We now know when Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix will be available to the masses, another My Heart Will Go On filk will take its place in the history of waiting for Book Five and everyone is probably ready to beat me senseless for filking this so much (but we're all friends, right?)

SCENE: January 15, 2003: A lone POTTERHOLIC has just received word that Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix will be released on June 21, 2003. In a rush of elation and utter insanity, he/she breaks out into joyous song.

POTTERHOLIC:
It starts on a hot summer day
At Number Four, Privet Drive
Where Harry Potter lives
The rest will have to wait until late June
For, you see, that's when Book Five comes out

The POTTERHOLIC realizes that he/she can reserve his/her copy in advance at the local bookstore. Making a scene worthy of Broadway, he/she proceeds to walk down the street, spreading the word to all he/she meets.

POTTERHOLIC:
June 21, 2003
Is a date that warrants joy
Sing "Glory", come hear the story
That we left three years ago
When the story goes on in June

As our main character passes fellow fans, they follow him/her to the bookstore to reserves their copies and start singing along as well.

ALL:
Since Fire, we've all been speculating
On all the hidden meanings
All of the clues in Rowling's interviews
Will be solved at long last

Everyone stop, look and cheer
For The Order of the Phoenix
Spread the word to every boy and girl
And to total strangers
"The Story Goes On In June!"

The crowd arrives at the front counter of the bookstore. Exhibiting great euphoria, they sing out the last verse with reckless abandon as they address the bookstore employees.

ALL: The Order of the Phoenix Will soar to the top of bestseller picks
Who cares that we lost the card?
There's nothing better than the book
And the book comes out in June

The song ends as everyone crowds the front counter to get their names down for one of the first copies of Book Five that will arrive on June 21, 2003.

A filk by Lilac to the tune of Love Potion Number 9 by The Clovers

This is just a theory of mine

I've been re-reading books Year One through Four
Figuring out what Jo might have in store
So many magical items to revive
But I'm putting money on love potion in Book Five

I'll bet that Put-Outer appears on-stage
The Penknife will return on some odd page
Or once again that Ford Anglia will fly
But I think she's gonna have love potion in Book Five

Molly, Ginny and Hermione in POA
Giggled just like schoolgirls while ole' Molly replayed
Did Arthur get a dose of it way back in the day?
Maybe he did, but maybe not...Oh, Jo, please say!

Imagine what would happen in the book
If Ron or Harry accidently took
Sips of their pumpkin juice that they thought benign
When really they were drinking up love potion in Book Five
Love potion in Book Five
Love potion in Book Five

A filk by Lilac to the tune of A Message From the Lord from Jonah: A VeggieTales Movie

This is my unofficial transcript of the March 2004 chat, with a little "artistic" license taken on my part to make things rhyme.

JKR:
Middle names I'll discuss
Ron's, poor boy, is Bilius
Here I'm not ambiguous
A message from JK

Remus 'John', Hermy 'Jane'
Ginny 'Molly', (what a name)
Sybil 'Pat' you've ascertained
A message from JK

And careful readers prob'ly know
Exactly how the romance goes
Surely, the clues you've had enough?!
Won't say, but...it's not that tough!

H/C? Nope. D/H? Nope.
Mini Voldies? Nope, nope, nope!
But Wormtail might still have hope
A message from JK

Marauders? Gryffindors!
Ginny you can not ignore
No comment on eye colour
A message from JK

Vampire? Not my Snape.
Won't tell his Patronus' shape
By the end you'll be awhape
A message from JK

Weasley boys -- two-year spread
Regulus is really dead
Not a rune on Harry's head
A message from JK

Yet there'll be time for some romance
A kiss (or two) he'll get the chance
For now the wizard world's at war
Harry hide! There's worse in store!!!

Sorry 'bout Sirius :(
I know you are all nonplussed
Please forgive, 'till then discuss
This message from JK

You'll see why in the end,
Thanks for all the questions, friends
I've more chapters left to pen! A --

FANS:
Yes, please go and chapters pen! A --

JKR:
I've more chapters left to pen
A message from JK

ALL:
I/she must go, it's now the end
A message from JK!

50 Ways to Wait for Book 6

A filk by Constance Vigilance Fifty Ways to Leave Your Lover by Paul Simon

"The writing for Book Six is going well", so says her site.
She's writing every day and sometimes well into the night.
JKR suggests that there are ways to ease our plight
There must be fifty ways to wait for Book Six.

She said it's really not my habit to intrude
Furthermore, I hope this won't be cause for being sued
But until the Harry Potter reading frenzy is renewed
There must be fifty ways to wait for Book Six.
Fifty ways to wait for Book Six

Take off some weight, Kate
Read a fan-fic, Dick
Go back to school, Jewel
Just get a real life
Learn how to knit, Kit
You don't need to admit it
Just start something new, Doo
And please get a life.

Ooo, take off some weight, Kate
Read a fan-fic, Dick
Go back to school, Jewel
Just get a real life
Learn how to knit, Kit
You don't need to admit it
Just start something new, Doo
And please get a life.

She peppered up her website just to drive us all insane
We caught the fly, unlocked the box, and clicked the door in vain
We posted to our scrapbooks everything they can contain
But those fifty ways

She said if you need more, there's a new movie out tonight
And this guy Caurón has finally got the details right
But I can say to you and I don't try to be contrite
There must be fifty ways to wait for Book 6
Fifty ways to wait for Book 6

Take off some weight, Kate
Read a fan-fic, Dick
Go back to school, Jewel
Just get a real life
Learn how to knit, Kit
You don't need to admit it
Just start something new, Doo
And please get a life.

Ooo, take off some weight, Kate
Read a fan-fic, Dick
Go back to school, Jewel
Just get a real life
Learn how to knit, Kit
You don't need to admit it
Just start something new, Doo
And please get a life.

A filk by Jason LeBouef to the tune of Who Wrote The Book Of Love by The MoM-O-tones aka The Monotones

I wonder wonder who
ooh who…
Who is the Half-Blood Prince?

Tell me, tell me, tell me
Oh who is the Half-Blood Prince
Cause Mugglenet and Hogshead
Ain't been quite the same place since

I wonder wonder who
Bee-doo-doo who…
Who is the Half-Blood Prince?

I am getting impatient
JK, we wait on you
Cause we gotta know this Half-Blood Prince
Find out if it's true

I wonder wonder who
Bee-doo-doo who…
Who is the Half-Blood Prince?

Someone said that it's Dudley
I hope it's not that lil' fart
Someone said Tom Riddle
It never never never never never be Voldemort
Someone said it's Sev'rus
With grayed out underpants
And someone said it's Lupin
Won't you give the werewolf a chance

Oh I wonder wonder who
Bee-doo-doo who…
Who is the Half-Blood Prince?

JK, JK, JK
It all depends on you
Cause you said we'll have a Half-Blood Prince
Will you tell us who?

Oh I wonder wonder who
Bee-doo-doo who…
Who is the Half-Blood Prince?

Someone said it's Mark Evans
But he got put on the shelf
Someone said it's Dobby
It never never never never never be a house elf
Someone said Stan Shunpike
But let me say one thing
For me, I think it's Ronnie
Because Weasley Is Our King

Oh I wonder wonder who
Bee-doo-doo who…
Who is the Half-Blood Prince?

JK, JK, JK
It all depends on you
Cause you said we'll have a Half-Blood Princee
Will you tell us who?

I wonder wonder who
Bee-doo-doo who…
Who is the Half-Blood Prince?

I wonder who…
Yeah…
Who is the Half-Blood Prince?

A filk by Mariner to the tune of Edge of Seventeen by Stevie Nicks

AN: I tried to retain as much of the original punctuation as I could, random ellipses and all, since it seems as appropriate for JKR as it is for Nicks.

Now that we've read the book,
We're all sitting here and thinking,
Who? Who? Who?
Now that we've read the book,
We're all sitting here and thinking,
Who, Joanne, who? Say who?

And the theories fly …
Back and forth on the list
Trying hard to figure out…
What is going on
Searching for clues...
Waiting for the next book.

Tell us, Joanne, who's the baby, then?
Who will reveal the power hidden within him?
Who is destined... to face up to...
Voldemort... tell us who
Is the child of… prophecy

Now that we've read the book,
We're all sitting here and thinking,
Who? Who? Who?
Now that we've read the book,
We're all sitting here and thinking,
Who, Joanne, who? Say who?

I read today... maybe I'll reread again
Tomorrow.
All the plot twists there are so thoroughly...
Confusing.
Dumbledore, he says
"I will explain everything"
With the tale of the first war
And the words of a prophet.
It's confusing me... I don't understand it.

Now that we've read the book,
We're all sitting here and thinking,
Who? Who? Who?
Now that we've read the book,
We're all sitting here and thinking,
Who, Joanne, who? Say who?

The Dark Lord thinks it's Harry...
Is it true?
Will the plot change direction?
Will Joanne...
Give a clue?
Oh, Jo... let us know... how the blow...
Will fall?
Who will strike... at the Dark Lord...
Oh, please... tell us...
Who's the child of... prophecy

Now that we've read the book,
We're all sitting here and thinking,
Who? Who? Who?
Now that we've read the book,
We're all sitting here and thinking,
Who, Joanne, who? Say who?

The prophecy...
What does it... imply about...
free will? Yeah yeah...
We're all so confused.
How is it ever going to come true? Come on, Jo, spill!
Oh, I went searching for an answer...
On the list... and on your site...
But found no answer,
Though I searched all night…
On my laptop... surfing...
Need a clue, need a clue…

Now that we've read the book,
We're all sitting here and thinking,
Who? Who? Who?
Now that we've read the book,
We're all sitting here and thinking,
Who, Joanne, who? Say who?

I'm obsessing in the morning...
And obsessing...
At nightfall...
Despite all this reading...
I appear not to be... succeeding…
Oh, Jo...
Just how many years till Book Six?
(How many years to go till Book Six?) Oh, Jo...

Now that we've read the book,
We're all sitting here and thinking,
Who, Joanne, who? Say who?

repeat, over and over, as the music fades

A filk by Pippin to the tune of The Beatles' Nowhere Man

ENTER Jo, wearing a false goatee, accompanied by armed guards and suitcases

JKR:
Listen all you Evans fans
Sitting out in cyberland
You've made all your Evans plans
for nobody

Doesn't have a destiny
Hasn't got a pedigree
Isn't he a bit like you and me

Common name, I promise,
Just like Brown or Thomas
Just a lad who needed a name
I thought would be bland

Load the kids into the van
Soon we'll be Bolivian
Evans fans can you forgive it all

Neither herring nor a clue
Maybe I'll head for Peru
Sorry Evans fans, he's just a nobody (3x)

A filk by Jason LeBouef to the tune of I Who Have Nothing by Tom Jones

In response to JKRs statement about Mark Evans (big letdown)

MARK EVANS:
I… I who am nothing
I… I who am no one
To Hogwarts I want to go
I'm just a Muggle
With no magic powers to give
I'm no one!

Harry… He is a wizard
A great… Magical wizard
But believe me, when I say
He can save the whole world
But I'm not his cousin no way!
I'm no one!

He can go any place he wants
Diagon Alley and magic haunts
But I can't even watch him when he gets up on that magic train
I… I who am nothing
I… I who am no one
Had thought I was magic too
But JKR had said in the chat that it's not true
I'm no one!
I'm no one!
I'm no one!

A filk by The Final Stillness of Saturn to the song by the same name by Queen

Let's go!
Jo walks warily down the street
With her hat pulled way down low.
Ain't no sound but the sound of her feet.
Her laptop's ready to go.

Are you ready? Hey, are you ready for this?
Are you hanging on the edge of your seat?
For from the pages goes one we'll miss.
They'll die in HBP, yeah.

Another one bites the dust.
Another one bites the dust.
And another one gone, and another one gone.
Another one bites the dust.
Hey, she's gonna make you sad.
Another one bites the dust.

Who do you think she's going to send along?
Who is gonna be gone?
She threw us a left last time worth all she had.
She can be cruel, she has shown.

Are you ready? Are you getting scared?
How long can you wait to read?
For from the pages goes one we'll miss.
They'll die in HBP. Look out.

Another one bites the dust.
Another one bites the dust.
And another one gone, and another one gone.
Another one bites the dust
Hey, she's gonna make you sad.
Another one bites the dust.

Hey!
Oh, someone bites the dust, bites the dust.
Hey! Another one bites the dust
Another one bites the dust, ow.
Another one bites the dust, he he.
Another one bites the dust, ha.
Ooh! Read now!

There are plenty of ways that she can kill someone,
And bring us to the ground.
She can beat 'em,
Can defeat 'em,
She can treat 'em bad and cleave 'em.
Then we're down
And not ready, no not ready for it.
We're falling from our own two feet.
For from the pages goes one we'll miss.
They'll die in HBP, yeah.

Another one bites the dust.
Another one bites the dust.
And another one gone, and another one gone.
Another one bites the dust
Hey, she's gonna make you sad.
Another one bites the dust.
Read now!

A filk by Richard to the tune of Next thing on My List by Toby Keith

No longer I have to wait,
The book is finally here today.
Go to the bank then the big book store,
Wait in line for an hour or more.
Watch them scan, I'll pay in cash, everything is fine,
Get outside and giggle, oh Lord it's finally mine…

(Chorus):
Jump up and down, shed a few tears,
Half Blood Prince is finally here,
Call up my friends, just to scream,
Start our very own Quidditch team,
Hug it tight, give it a kiss,
Bask in it's beautiful bliss,
Sit on the porch, give Rowling a prayer,
Start reading, Book Six is finally here.

Might have changed the plot of things,
Or she might have kept it all the same,
There's nothing I would rather do,
Then read this new book with you,
I'd pay for it with a million bucks,
I'll take it to my grave,
I'll read it till tomorrow,
My homework will have to wait…

(Chorus):
Jump up and down, shed a few tears,
Half-Blood Prince is finally here,
Call up my friends, just to scream,
Start our very own Quidditch team,
Hug it tight, give it a kiss,
Bask in its beautiful bliss,
Sit on the porch, give Rowling a prayer,
Start reading, Book Six is finally here.

Laugh when it's funny, cry when it's sad,
Don't you all love the Potter fad?
Call up my friends, just to chat,
About what other chapter we're at,
Stay up late, oversleep,
Read the book in detention this week,
We've waited for two very long years,
Start reading, Book Six is finally here.
No longer I have to wait,
The book is finally here today.

A filk by R.J. Lupin to the tune of I've Got a Theory/Bunnies/If We're Together from Buffy the Vampire Slayer: Once More With Feeling.

. Thank you very much to the book The Plot Thickens, from which I borrowed some theories from the HBP section.

SCENE: Somewhere, a bunch of Harry Potter fans gather together, discussing and debating just who exactly the HBP is. They break into song as they discuss their theories.

FAN #1:
I've got a theory
It must be Hagrid
'Cause he's a halfblood
And he must contribute big

FAN #2:
I've got a theory
It's Remus Lupin
'Cause I love him so and he needs something nice, you know?

FAN #3:
I've got a theory it's Dobby the elf
'Cause he's in Book Two and he is a leader all himself

Enthusiastically, a person who hasn't read the books voices their opinion with confidence

PERSON WHO SAW THE MOVIES, BUT HASN'T READ THE BOOKS:
I think it's Harry!
It's Harry Potter!

All HP fans immediately roll their eyes and go yell at the person who hasn't read the books

ALL HP FANS:
You dimwit, that can't be
Didn't you see that
JKR said it's not him
So take a look
And read the book and-
PERSON WHO SAW THE MOVIES, BUT HASN'T READ THE BOOKS
Okay, just don't smite me!

FAN #4:
I've got a theory
That it's Argus Filch!

All fans turn and stare at Fan #4 like she's crazy

FAN #5:
I think it's-

Fan #4 wildly interrupts Fan #5 to force everyone to believe the HBP is Filch

FAN #4:
Filch isn't just there like everybody's been thinking!
To some royal blood he does clearly have some linking!
Plus the very first attack
By the Basilisk was made on his precious cat!
Argus!
Argus!
It's Argus Fillllllccccccchhhhhh!!!

Fan#5 looks angrily at Fan#4 for interrupting them, and goes on to say their own theory

FAN#5:
Unless it's Neville!

FAN #6:
Don't you know really
It's Colin Creevey?
FAN #7:
No, 'cause it's Snape!-
FAN#8:
-I think we're getting a little snarky...

FAN #9:
I've got a theory
That we should just wait
'Cause we will know once it is July
We just will have to wait for that date
Yes, for Book Five
It took real long
But we made it
So just wait on!

ALL HP FANS:
We will find out once we are reading!
Do nothing else except for breathing!
And is the Prince
A new person
Who fin'lly comes?
FAN #10:
Still, I vote Krum!

ALL HP FANS:
We'll have an answer when the book's out!
There will be so much we'll know about!
Hold on for Harry's sake...

...but we can't make it!

All fans faint as they succumb to "ImpatientlywaitingforHBPititis"

A filk by Ravenclaw Bookworm to the tune of the same name from My Fair Lady by Lerner and Loewe

Just you wait, Fans of Potter, just you wait!
You'll be tired, but you'll stay up late!
You'll be broke, but it's Jo's money;
Some she'll donate, she's a Honey!
Just you wait, Fans of Potter, just you wait!

Just you wait, Fans of Potter, you'll be slick,
As you scream for a copy double-quick.
You'll line up a second after;
The store's filled to the rafters!
Oh ho ho, Fans of Potter, just you wait!

Oooooooh, Fans of Potter!
Just you wait until you're crowded in the store!
Oooooooh, Fans of Potter!
As you get sep'rated more come in the door!
When the temp'rature gets hotter,
It's `cause you're dressed as Harry Potter!
Oh ho ho, Fans of Potter, just you wait!

Tonight we'll have HBP! We'll read right away.
Thanks to Jo for her writing, it's now the big day!
That evening the fans will say:
"O-oh, Jo Rowling,
We and all the World, your praises do sing."
That day on the sixteenth of July,
The books off the tables will fly!
All the readers will celebrate the glory of Jo,
And whatever she writes and says we're eager to know.

"Thanks a lot, Jo," say we, in a manner well-bred;
"But all we ask is which one is dead?"
"None," says our Jo with a glint,
"If you can trust what I hint."

Then you'll line up, Fans of Potter, in the store.
And the Manager will shout, "Bring out more."
As you buy that piece of heaven, you'll ask:
"Now where's book Seven!"
Oh ho ho, Fans of Potter,
Just days to go, Fans of Potter!
Just you wait!

A filk by R.J. Lupin to the tune of Wishing You Were Somehow Here Again from Lloyd Webber's Phantom of the Opera.

I used the version from the movie when filking this, but it's really no different from the musical version, except that at the end, the line 'Help me say goodbye' is repeated again.

HP FANS:
Ever since summer of '03
We have all gone crazy
We inhaled Order of Phoenix
Now we wonder what's next

Wishing that the sixth book we could have
Holding in our hands somehow
For our dear sakes, it we must take
Why can't we have it now?

Wishing that it was July sixteenth
Though it's just a few more weeks
Still we will rave, we just can't behave
You must all think we're freaks

Spending all our time discussing
Who the Half-Blood Prince is
And the theories and her website
It's too much of a quiz

It's been so long
It feels so wrong
Please let us go and read!

Wishing we have read the Half-Blood Prince
Wishing we knew who must die
That is one fate
We don't await
J.K., we're gonna cry!

'Cause it's so close and
Yet beyond the sun
And now Harry's story is almost done

Now what do we do?
Help us make it through.

A filk by Constance Vigilance to the tune of How Are Things In Glocca Morra from Finian's Rainbow

The time is near
The book is almost here
Our wait is done, it's time for fun, so stand and cheer
In times like these
Excitement by degrees
We make a date to stay up late
We're devotees
So tell me please

How are things in Barnes and Noble?
Are there people acting strangely there?
Do grownups dress in Hogwarts robes
With pointed hats and other wizard wear?

How are things in Barnes and Noble
As the clock moves close to midnight there?
Is the Starbucks in-store franchisee
Calling to me?
And is the Double-shot Frappachino Fizz
All they say it is?

Do I stay up late on Friday
Or get mine the lazy way
In the discount bin at Costco
Saturday?
How are things in Barnes and Noble
This fine day?

A filk by Ginger to the tune of Anticipation by Carly Simon.

We all speculate about the book to come
And we think about them every day, ay, ay
And I wonder if I'm reading with you now
Or if words hit us in a diff'rent way.

Interpretation, interpretation,
It's making me think.
We're just speculating.

And your theory, how eas'ly could be the real, sure truth.
If you're right, the crow feed is on me.
But I, I reread those words just late last night,
And I was thinking about how right I just might be.

Interpretation, interpretation,
It's making me think.
We're just speculating.

In the next years, we will find out together
Who's a prophet, and which one knows Joanne's ways.
So we'll try and read between the lines right now
And have our fun, 'cause these are our glory days.

These are our glory days,
We'll have our fun, 'cause these are our glory days.
These are our glory days.

repeat and fade

A filk by Randy Estes to the tune of How Do You Solve a Problem like Maria? from The Sound of Music by Rodgers and Hammerstein

She makes Harry hang with Dursleys
His room beneath the stairs
And constantly he feels harassed
A Wizard unaware
But soon he's off to Hogwarts
To the life his parents shared
We praised her book endings most every Summer

She's always great for humor
And her characters seem real
She's always late for publishing
Every moment she can steal
I hate to have to say it
But I very firmly feel
Ms. Rowling's left some holes the size of Hummers

I'd like to say a word on her behalf
Ms. Rowling makes me laugh

But…

How do you solve the problems with the plot lines?
How do you solve the clues she's left around?
How do you find the words to tell Ms. Rowling?
A plot bunny dropping! And so many adverbs abound?

Many a thing you know you'd like to tell her
Many a thing she ought to understand
But how do you make her stay
And listen to all you say
How do you keep her thoughts in your command?

Oh how do you solve the problems with the plot lines?
How do you make the stories fit your plans?

When I read her I'm confused
And that character is misused
And I never know what is Snape's master plan
Unpredictable as weather
Her bad guys disguised forever
He's a diary! He's a werewolf! A different Man!

Rowling's plot lines always twist
Fooling readers she can't resist
She will throw Dark Arts Professors out of school.
She is sneaky! She is sly!
Has a twinkle in her eye!
Non-conformist! She's a liberal!
She's no fool!

But…

How do you solve the problems with the plot lines?
How do you solve the clues she's left around?
How do you find the words to tell Ms. Rowling?
A plot bunny dropping! And so many adverbs abound?

Many a thing you know you'd like to tell her
Many a thing she ought to understand
But how do you make her stay
And listen to all you say
How do you keep her thoughts in your command?

Oh how do you solve the problems with the plot lines?
How do you make the stories fit your plans?

A filk by Murasaki to the tune of His Name is Lancelot from Spamalot

. . . because everyone knows it, she just won't admit it, of course.

FANS:
Rowling, well, you might as well just fess up;
We can see what's brewing in your mind!
What's with the initials?
Why, anyone with brain cells
Can see the twist you wrote for us to find!

His name is Regulus,
Brother of Sirius;
He found the first Horcrux-
As wrote by you.

J.K. ROWLING:
That's true.

FANS:
So we say "thanks a lot!"
For getting Voldy "got"!
He's one traitorous dude!

His name is Regulus-
Middle name Arcturus?-
With the Dark Lord enlists-it seems.
No one even caught on
That this pureblooded son
Sides for the other team!

Sirius said he was just an idiot.
We never thought he'd show up very much!
Then we learned that this was true:
He almost thwarted You-Know-Who!
Though cost him much pain, life, and such!

His name is Regulus,
And though we're not told this
We can guess he's Padfoot's bro.

J.K. ROWLING:
That so?

FANS:
He took that old locket,
Put it in his pocket . . .

And we assume enough to say that he is
R.A.B.
-L.A.C.K.!

CLUELESS FANS:
No way?!

J.K. ROWLING (with a shrug and a knowing smirk):
Can't say!

Written in response to JKR's June 27 2006 interview, where she said that in Book Seven's finale, " One character got a reprieve, but I have to say two die that I didn't intend to die."

CHARACTER WHO HAS BEEN SPARED (henceforth CHAR. #1):
I used to be on Rowling's Death-Row
I in the seventh book would be let go
But Jo just told 'em, on the TV screen
She's gonna keep me in the final scene

I'll be revivin', give Jo the credit
I now am survivin' her final edit

A reprieve, I won't die
At the end, I won't say good-bye
I will live to greet ten thousand dawns
Because my death-bed scene has been withdrawn
I will outlive the war
I won't wind up like old Dumbledore
A reprieve, I won't die (3x)

THE TWO CHARACTERS WHO ARE TO BE KILLED OFF:
So Jo changed the end that she'd written down
Next summer we'll be underground
There's no oracle that will our fate reverse
She's made a reservation on our hearse, oh

We're not revivin', Jo gets no credit
We'll not be survivin' her final edit

No reprieve, we will die
At the end, we'll both say good-bye
The two of us will have to say adieu
It is the Veil we're going through
We won't outlive the war
We'll be done in by Lord Voldemort
No reprieve, we will die (3x)

CHAR. 1:
Hey, there's a reprieve for me, oh
I'll be revivin', give Jo the credit
I now am survivin' her final edit

CHARACTER ONE, & CHARACTERS TWO-THREE sings their different Choruses simultaneously

CHAR. 2 & 3 (trying to look on the bright side)
Hey, when we get angel wings
We will fly
We will fly
We will fly, hey
When we get angel wings
We shall fly
Fly-eye-eye

CHAR. 2 & 3, (and CHAR. 1) When we get angel wings (you will fly)
We will fly (You will fly)
We will fly (You will fly)
We will fly (You will fly)
When we get angel wings (you will fly)
You/We will fly

A filk by Heidi Tandy to The Night Before Christmas by Clement C. Moore.

'TWAS the week before Christmas, when all of the fans
Were waiting and hoping for a title to have.

Their stockings were hung and some dreidels were spun
Amid hopes that JKR would grant us some fun

The fangirls were clicking again on her site
To see if a title would give us some light.

Then all of a morning, the news was a snap
And roused all our brains from this long winter's nap.

In forums and journals arose such a clatter,
Google news and the bbc had views on the matter

Away to the websites we flew like a flash,
Clicked on the images and Hangman-ed the stash

The words on the screen were like new-fallen snow
Gave the lustre of mid-day to discussions, we'd know

What did deathly hallows refer to, my dear?
Neither miniature sleigh, nor eight tiny reindeer,

No, maybe horcruxes - hard to rhyme, I think
Or relics or places or people - or drinks?

Like rapid Abraxans, the theories, they came,
And we pondered, and shouted, and called them by name;

Now Potter, now Riddle, now Albus, R.A.B.
On adverbs and verb-nouns and research in wikis

To the top of the page! to the google we call!
Now type away! Post away! Discuss it all!"

As thestrals before the wild hurricane fly,
When they meet with a ship debate, take to the sky;

As around the websites the theories they flew
With a dictionary and the first six books, too

But is it a twinkling til we get the proof
Of a DH release date, that we'll put to use?

The bookstores had begun, before we turned around
To start taking orders as fanfare abounds

You can preorder it via Amazon and
Borders and others plan parties so grand

A challenge for fic and art will soon debut
On FA for writers and artists like you

A wink of Jo's eye and a twist of her head,
Lets fan creativity explode again

She spoke not a word, but went straight to this work,
Like it or not, please agree it's a perk

Of having a fandom where everyone knows
The author is grateful when the writing flows

So spring to your keyboards and sketchpads and things
We'll skype and ym thoughts through winter and spring

It's like Jo had exclaimed ere she wrote for our sight,
"Happy Christmas to all, and to all a good-night."

A filk by Pierne to the tune of the traditional folk hymn Lonesome Valley

I'm gonna buy that Deathly Hallows
I'm gonna buy it by myself
Amazon com won't buy it for me
I gotta buy it for myself

I'm gonna read The Deathly Hallows
I'm gonna read it by myself
Oh, Dale or Fry could read it to me
But I should read it by myself

I'm gonna ask the Dark Lord, "What gives?"
I'm gonna ask what's up with Snape
Oh, everyone else will ask those questions
But I will ask them just the same.

I'm gonna finish Deathly Hallows
When in a room all by myself
Nobody else will hear me crying
Not till I go podcast myself.

A filk by Ms. Gehayi & Underlucius to the tune of Holding Out For A Hero by Bonnie Tyler

N.B. This one was co-written by me and Underlucius. we got on the subject of Book 7. I fired off the first five lines of the first chorus, which she then capped with the last five lines of the first chorus. And I finished the rest of the song, because I had to.

HARRY:
Here's where all the plotholes end,
The series done at last,
Once the Horcruxes are found
And destroyed with a blast.
But I can't identify or find the things I need
And Horcruxes' destruction--
Is there a book to read?

CHORUS:
I'm looking for a Horcrux,
I'm holding out for a Horcrux at the end of the book.
It's got to be found,
And it's got to be smashed---
And I've not the first clue where to look.
I'm looking for a Horcrux,
It could be a locket, it could be a sword--
But one thing is sure:
By the end of the book,
You're going to be awfully bored!

Somewhere, there's a Stargate
To the vault of Scrooge McDuck,
And somewhere in a stadium,
I'll meet Voldie--and I'm f*cked.
How am I to beat him and not get killed instead?
It's gonna take a Dumbledore to do that...wait, he's dead.

CHORUS:
I need a Horcrux,
I'm holding out for a Horcrux at the end of the tome.
It's got to be found,
And it's got to be smashed
In a vast Coliseum in Rome.
I'm looking for a Horcrux,
It could be a quill or a snake or a cup,
But one thing is sure:
By the end of the book,
You'll wish that I had given up!

When I'm on my scavenger hunt
Across mountains, deserts and seas
I would swear that there's
Someone somewhere watching me...

Through the news on TV and reviews,
And the storm of the blogs,
I can feel their approach
Like the fire in my blood--

(Spoken) Oh, my God, CRITICS! NOOOOO!!!

CHORUS:
I'm looking for a Horcrux
(Or my parents, or maybe a Grim)
I think if I try
To destroy him, I'll die,
So could somebody else please face him?
Might BE a Horcrux--
Hey, I know that the last word is "scar."
But if that proves true,
Then I say this to you--
"I'll forever haunt you, J.K.R.!"

I'm holding out for a Horcrux...
I need a Horcrux....
If I'm to live...

A filk by The Final Stillness of Saturn to the tune of I Will Survive by Gloria Gaynor

SNAPE:
You know that I'm a spy; you're so petrified.
You think I'll die, but it's just my life, all this switching sides.

PETER:
And now I've spent so many nights thinking what I did was wrong,
Still don't belong,
But I will keep my pulse this strong!

CHARLIE:
Get off my back! Just go away!
You can't say I'll die this time because you don't know me anyway!

MOLLY:
I would give my life for my kids and could make a great dying plea,
But I do know saving one would just leave the others missing me.

GEORGE:
No, I'm not Fred... but just as cool!
You think I'll die and… he'll be fine? That makes you a fool!

FRED:
Don't you know that we can get out of every scrape?

GEORGE:
Do you think we'll split up?

FRED:
Do you think that we can't escape?

Our shop will thrive!

ALL:
I will survive!
Oh, as long as I still have my wand, I know I'll stay alive!
I've got quite a few years left; won't leave all my friends bereft.
I'll survive!
I will survive! Hey, hey!

HARRY:
May take all the strength I have to kill Voldemort,

RON:
But giving our lives will not be even our last resort!

NEVILLE:
And why must you say either Harry or me will kick the bucket?

LUNA:
And at their side, I know I won't be one who died!

REMUS:
And if I go, he couldn't cope,
So please believe that J.K. Rowling is not just a dope.

MINERVA:
Then you'll know I'll live because Hogwarts needs my guidance to go on,

HAGRID:
And that it would never be the same without my half-giant brawn!

DRACO:
I know that I… walked out the door,
But I know hero-boy Potter can't let me die in war.

HERMIONE:
And if he will save even that Slytherin slime,
Do you think he'd lose me?

GINNY:
He'll show up in the nick of time!

PERCY:
I'll be revived!

ALL:
I will survive!
Oh, as long as I still have my wand, I know I'll stay alive!
I've got quite a few years left; won't leave all my friends bereft.
I'll survive!
I will survive! Ohh!

Go on. Now go. Get off the net!
Just turn around now; no thanks to you, I'm not dead yet.
Aren't you the one who said chapter three I'd get mine?
Do you think I'm stupid?
Do you think I'll give up and die?
Oh, no! Not I!

I will survive!
Oh, as long as I still have my wand, I know I'll stay alive!
I've got quite a few years left; won't leave all my friends bereft.
I'll survive!
I will survive!
I will survive!

A filk by Jill to the tune of The Way You Look Tonight by Frank Sinatra

Dedicated to all Hog's Head patrons who have made the past several years truly magical...

Friday, where did the time go?
Now it's ours to hold,
Soon we all will know, we'll read it right through...
When we get the book tonight.

Follow Harry, his tasks to perform,
And who will get offed?
Please prove all those spoilers to be untrue,
When we get the book tonight.

With each word of momentous prose,
Tearing theories apart...
And as suspense and tension grows,
It becomes real in my heart.

Harry ... Now it all will change.
Please be safe from harm.
Won't you kill the Dark Lord?
'Cause we're with you ... When we get the book tonight.

Mm, Mm, Magic,
When we get the book tonight.

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