To the tune of Magic To Do from Pippin

THE SCENE: The Malfoy Manor, with the Dark Lord and (many of) his minions in a festive mood

CHORUS OF DEATH EATERS:
Join us -- in our strength we tower
Join us - making Muggles cower
Join us -- come obey the powerful few
And You-Know-Who.
Follow - wicked darkness not seen
Since the heyday of the Nazis
Follow - or it will get knotty for you.

Because magic is might, yeah, that's right
When you've blood that is pure for sure
We've got total control-racist goals,
'Mentors who'll suck out your soul
If your blood contains manure….

YAXLEY:
Malfoys - they are in his pocket

VOLDEMORT:
Horcrux - one of them's a locket

BELLATRIX:
Murder - each death, what a shock it will be.

CHORUS OF DEATH EATERS:
Na-Nagini

DOLOHOV:
Aggression - Muggle-lovers AK'd

SNAPE:
Ambush - Potter shall be waylaid

VOLDEMORT:
So join us - everyone is afraid of me!

CHORUS OF DEATH EATERS:
Because magic is might, yeah, that's right
When you've blood that is pure for sure
We've got total control-racist goals,
'Mentors who'll suck out your soul
If your blood contains manure….

The CHORUS OF DEATH EATERS improvise some ridicule aimed at the Malfoys, with ample mention of their babysitting werewolf cubs, before repeating the previous stanza.

(antiphonally)
Magic is might that's 'cause magic is might
Yeah, that right, that's 'cause Magic is might magic is might
Magic is might Yeah, that right that's 'cause ma- magic AK
Yeah, that right, that's 'cause magic is might that's 'cause
Magic is might Yeah, that right that's 'cause we have conspired in cabals
And Burbage so long, and Burbage so long, and Burbage so long
AK AK AK…..

To the tune of Christmas in Killarney by John Redmond, James Cavanaugh and Frank Weldon

THE SCENE: HARRY, disguised as one of the innumerable Weasley cousins, enjoys himself at the nuptials of Bill and Fleur.

HARRY:
The lights shine bright this wedding night
Although now my robes are a bit too tight
I'm playing Cousin Barny
Right here at the Weasley home

None will deduce my clever ruse
Unless I should run out of Polyjuice
And Luna Lovegood has been bit
By one of the Weasley gnomes

I'm here to see the union
Of Bill and Delacour
And Ronald's Aunt will have her rant
Against Al Dumbledore

Let me obtain a glass to drain
For I've reached the age I can drink champagne
Soon Vold will send his army
And far from here I'll roam
Till then I'm Cousin Barny
Right here at the Weasley home.

A filk by weirdsis to the tune of You're Beautiful by James Blunt.

AUNT MURIEL:
I'm one-o-seven

I'm one-o-seven
Give me your seat
Refill my goblet
My aching feet!
George, your ears look lopsided
Ron's hair is much too long
Xeno looks like an omelet
I'm freakishly strong

I'm Muriel, Aunt Muriel
I'm older now it's true
When I was young I had lots of fun
My company men would seek
Then my nose became a beak

The twins pulled a prank
The entire room stank
That's when I stopped coming 'round to the Weasley House

But I was once a popular witch
Got tiaras for gifts and loved to play Quidditch

I'm Muriel, Aunt Muriel
I'm older now it's true
When I was young I had lots of fun
But these days I feel so blue
I must take it out on you

I'm Muriel, Aunt Muriel
I'm older now it's true
Don't look at me that way--I'm still your great aunt
Once I get going I can really rant
I'd be nicer but I can't
Call me Princess Grumpy Pants

A filk by The Final Stillness of Saturn to the tune of The Monkees' Stepping Stone

SCRIMGEOUR:
I was his stepping stone.
I was his stepping stone.

When trying to take over our society,
He knew the only way was to get through me.
I swore him not back but he still did succeed
In placing his men on every Ministry scene.

I said
I was his stepping stone.
I was his stepping stone.
Was his stepping stone,
Was his stepping stone.

When I became Minister, didn't know I'd lose.
My murder should have made the front page news.
Should have been more careful 'bout the guards I used
Or not have misjudged Imperios by You-Know-Who.

I said
I was his stepping stone
I was his stepping stone
Was his stepping stone,
Was his stepping stone.

To the tune of If I Fell by the Beatles

THE SCENE: At Bill and Fleur's wedding, the Patronus of KINGSLEY SHACKLEBOLT delivers some rather unpleasant news

SHACKLEBOLT (via his lynx Patronus):
It just fell into his hands
And Lord Voldy's in command
Up from the underground.
Rufus Scrimgeour now is dead
And the OOP has fled
Where we won't be found

The entire state is his -
I might suggest
That you Apparate
Because his gang is on the way

Aurors now join with DEs
So run and hide
Terror spreads like a disease
So leave the bride and groom
There is no more time to dance
Please make sure you take all your Uncles and your Aunts

Let us hope the Ministry
Remains without clue
And we find safety
Away from You-Know-Who.

(repeat last six lines)

It just fell and they pursue…..

To the tune of Zing! Went the Strings of My Heart by James F. Hanley (popularized by Judy Garland)

THE SCENE: 12 Grimmauld Place. KREACHER cracks the case of Mundungus Fletcher wide open.

KREACHER:
My master said to me, “Find him ASAP -
Mundungus Fletcher has fled!”
I say his name is Dung - let then his skull be rung
Wham! went the pan on his head.
He was a slipp'ry bloke, harder to catch than smoke
And had enormous street cred,
But dared to pit himself 'gainst one determined elf
Wham! went the pan on his head.

The locket from Reg Black he stole
Now it's time for Whack-a-mole
I'm going back on the attack
To smack that sad sack.

My master told me, “Wait! I will interrogate,
Let Dung say what should be said -
But should he still resist, you're our percussionist!”
Wham! went the pan on his head.

A filk by Ginny05 to the tune of Public Enemy Number One from Cole Porter's Anything Goes

DUMBLEDORE'S ARMY
Undesirable Number One,
Thank thee for ev'rything thou hast done.

GINNY
The Quibbler says we shouldn't associate
With the likes of you, even if you are our mate.

DUMBLEDORE'S ARMY
Thank thee heartily, Harry then,
For forming this army to fight against them,
For henceforth we'll treated equally, everyone
Due to thee, Undesirable Number One.

A filk by weirdsis and Bandersnatch to the tune of Hey There Delilah as performed by Plain White T's, original words and music written by Tom Higgenson (hear it sung by Bandersnatch at the link above).

This filk recalls Harry's lonely moments outside of tents in DH.

HARRY:
Hey there Ginevra
How are things tonight at Hogwarts?
I wish I were there with you
Or could at least hear news of some sort
I miss you
I feel alone here with these two
I wish you knew

Hey there Ginevra
I am watching the map for you
And I'm lonely at this campsite
I'd be happy just to glimpse you
So take care
There are many dangers, so beware
And don't despair

Oh, I wish I were with you
Oh, I wish I were with you
Oh, I wish I were with you
Oh, I wish I were with you
Wish I were with you

Hey there Ginevra
Had to let you go back then
But still I hope you know that
If I'm ever free to love again
I'll come to you
Never again let go of you
I swear it's true

Hey there Ginevra
I've got so much left to do.
There's still three Horcruxes out there
Where could they be? Don't have a clue
I'll need them all
If I want Lord Voldemort to fall -
Oh, hang it all

Oh, I wish I were with you.
Oh, I wish I were with you.
Oh, I wish I were with you.
Oh, I wish I were with you.

A veela can't compare to you
But you always knew what I must do
I have to be the one to save the day
Sitting here outside this tent
I think about those hours spent with you
They feel so very far away
I can't ask you to wait for me
And dear Ginevra can't you see
My life with you was nothing but a dream
Or so it seems

Hey there Ginevra
I hope the war will soon be history
I have heard you're fighting too
And I hope you have time to miss me
I love you
Keep yourself safe from You-Know-Who
Tomorrow I'll start back hunting clues
But for tonight I wish you knew
How I miss you

Oh, I wish I were with you
Oh, I wish I were with you
Oh, I wish I were with you
Oh, I wish I were with you
Wish I were with you

To the tune of Silver Bells

THE SCENE: The Forest of Dean. SNAPE'S Patronus to the rescue!

HARRY:
It's a snorefest in the forest
Way out here in the wilds
Not so much as
A creature is stirring

Then a bright glow, such a light show
Oh so gentle and mild
By this oddly familiar deer

Silver doe, silver doe,
Though it's unknown whose Patronus
See the deer disappear
But shows me Gryffindor's Sword

SNAPE:
Though he is dead,
Dumbledore said,
"Under valor and need
Is how Gryffindor's Sword
Must be taken."

In the pond drop
Just as Ron stops
By to do his good deed
And to help end Lord Voldy's career.

Silver doe, silver doe,
Once the Patronus of Lily.
Though it's weak, I'm a geek
When it comes to Lily E.

A filk by the Blibbering Humdingers to the tune of I'm Getting Nothing for Christmas by S.Tepper and R. Bennet

HARRY:
I got gift from Dumbledore
Gave a Snitch to me
I do not know what it is for
Gave a Snitch to me
A putouter he gave Ron
We don't know whats going on
A little book for Her-me-on (um..ahem…Hermione)
Gave a Snitch to me…

OH I'll smash a Horcrux this Christmas,
Everyone thinks I've gone bad
Ron ran away before Christmas
My scar burns when Voldemort's mad.

Went to see my parents' grave
Gave a Snitch to me
Hermione my bum did save
Gave a Snitch to me
Bathilda smelled like rotting steak
Then she turned into a snake
Hermione my wand did break
Gave a Snitch to me

OH I'll smash a Horcrux this Christmas,
Everyone thinks I've gone bad
Ron ran away before Christmas
My scar burns when Voldemort's mad.

Ronald pulled me to the shore
Gave a Snitch to me
Got the sword of Gryffindor
Gave a Snitch to me
I was looking all a wreck
Broke the locket off my neck
Then Ron stabbed it all to Heck
Gave a Snitch to me

OH We smashed a Horcrux for Christmas
Hermione's gone totally mad.
Ronald came back after Christmas
My scar burns 'cause Voldemort's bad.

To the tune of Jerry Lee Lewis' 1958 hit Breathless

THE SCENE: The Lovegood residence. XENOPHILIUS LOVEGOOD tells the Trio all about The Deathly Hallows.

XENOPHILIUS LOVEGOOD:
My name is Lovegood,
This fine ol' sign
You can see it on that
Robe of mine
Three bros a bridge would cross
Show Death just who was boss
They would be....ahhh....Deathly!

Oh, the eldest one got an
Elder wand
He sure found out how
He'd been conned.
Second bro would raise the dead
Drove him out of his head
That is why they're....ahhh....Deathly!

Oh, Harry! Mm-mm! Hermy!
Beadle the Bard!
He put Lovegood on guard!
The youngest bloke took him a cloak
He was Death's buddy
When he croaked.

Now, come on, Harry,
I've confessed
'Cause I'm a believer, I've joined the Quest
Wand, stone, cloak, you know
Each one of them is a Hallow
That makes them....ahhh....Deathly!

To the tune of Don't Stop Thinking About Tomorow by Fleetwood Mac

THE SCENE: The Middle of Nowhere. HERMIONE is concerned over HARRY'S increasing obsession over the Deathly Hallows

HERMIONE:
You should wise up and swiftly curtail
Any interest in Beadle tales
You are obsessed with wand and stone
They're two things that should be left alone

Just stop thinking about the Hallows,
Just stop, do not lend an ear
It's a mere idle bit of lore
Cloak, wand and stone, cloak, wand and stone

HARRY:
Though you think that it's merely smoke
But I have the Invincible Cloak
If I get the other two
Just think how I'll mar You-Know-Who.

Won't stop thinking about the Hallows,
Won't stop, now it is all clear
I will be besting Voldemort
Cloak, wand and stone, cloak, wand and stone

In the Snitch, the Stone is revealed
Voldy wants to the Elder steal
I know you don't believe that its true,
"Narrow-minded," so Xeno called you.

HERMIONE:
Just say "Horcrux" and don't say "Hallows",
Just stop, let your mind be clear
It won't be stopping Voldemort
Three Horcrux gone, three Horcrux gone…

Dont get off-track
Dont get off-track…..

To the tune of Me and Bobby McGee by Kris Kristofferson and Fred Foster.

HARRY:
Malfoy Manor’s dungeon cell, waiting for the end,
I felt so sick and helpless I could die.
Worn-out Snitch and phoenix wand, desperate for a friend,
That piece of broken mirror caught my eye.

I pulled that shard out of the pouch Hagrid gave me,
I saw an eye of shining brightest blue.
I screamed for help in rage and fear
The eye blinked once, then disappeared,
There was nothing else that I could do.

Freedom’s not an option that an elf will get to choose,
But wizards — can always set a good elf free.
By handing him a piece o’ clothing — guess I never knew
You know, just how good that good would mean to me ...
Good enough for me and Dobby the Free.

From a Privet Drive bedroom to the Cottage of the Shell,
Hey, Dobby always seemed to find a way.
Through all kinds of troubles, through every kind of hell,
Yeah, Dobby knew just how to save the day.

I know house elves are faithful — always to obey
But, I never thought he’d give his life to save us.
I would rather lose tomorrow, and go back to yesterday,
Than be laying Dobby’s body in a grave.

Freedom’s not an option that an elf will get to choose;
But, Dobby, that was all he wanted to be, yeah,
I handed him a piece o’ clothing — guess I never knew
You know, just how good that good would mean to me ...
Good enough for me and Dobby the Free.

La la la, la la la la, la la la, la la la la
La la la la la, Dobby the Free.
La la la la la, la la la la la
La la la la la, Dobby the Free, la.
La la la, la la la la la la,
La la la la la la la la la,
Hey now, Dobby now, Dobby the Free, yeah.
Na na na na na na na na, na na na na na na na na na na na
Hey now, Dobby now, Dobby the Free, yeah.

Well, don't call him a servant, call him my friend!
I said I’ll call him a hero ’til the very end!
C’mon, hey now Dobby yeah, hey now Dobby the Free, yeah,
Lordy Lordy Lordy Lordy Lordy Lordy Lordy Lord
Hey, hey, hey, Dobby the Free, Lord!

Lordy Lordy Lordy Lordy Lordy Lordy Lordy Lord
Hey, hey, hey, Dobby the Free.

A filk by Louise Freeman Davis to the tune of Band on the Run by Paul McCartney and Wings

Neville, bruised and battered, gazes forlornly out the window of the Room of Requirement

NEVILLE:
Stuck inside a dark Hogwarts.
Stuck here with the Carrows.
Never seeing no one nice again like you
Granny, you...
Granny, you...

Musical interlude, as other DA members gradually enter room. Neville becomes less melancholy and more agitated, and begins pacing the room

NEVILLE:
If I ever get out of here
Gonna get me some Devil's Snare
Gonna use it on Bellatrix.
I gotta buncha new hexes to share
If I ever get out of here!

ALL:
If we ever get out of here!

Musical interlude, during which an owl flies through the window, dropping a letter in Neville's lap. He opens it, reads, initially looks shocked, then breaks into a grin, leaps onto a chair and sings to group.

NEVILLE:
Well. they knew I was leading an army of kids after Luna and Ginny fell.
They thought if they took hostages, resistance they could quell.
Gran's on the run! Gran's on the run!
Augusta fought! They musta thought, she'd crumble like a leaf, but now
Gran's on the run! Gran's on the run! Gran's on the run! Gran's on the run!

They sent one lone Death Eater to capture her, sweet old lady meek and mild
Who minded her manners in her vulture hat and raised her "Squib" grandchild.
Gran's on the run! Gran's on the run!
She called out, then the Dawlish lout, is off to St. Mungo's!
And now Gran's on the run! Gran's on the run!

ALL:
Gran's on the run! Gran's on the run! Gran's on the run! Gran's on the run!

NEVILLE:
Well, I got a letter telling me she's proud I'm breaking the Carrows' rules!
In this Room we're hiding and we'll keep on fighting till we lib'rate Hogwarts School!

ALL:
Gran's on the run! Gran's on the run!

NEVILLE: (slower)
I won't be sad, I'm like my dad, I'm fightin' the Death Eaters!
With my...

ALL:
Gran on the run! Gran on the run! Gran on the run! Gran on the Run!

To the tune of Billy Joel's Only The Good Die Young

THE SCENE: RON tells Hermione of his plan to finish off the fourth Horcrux

RON:
OK, Hermione, I've got a hunch
To quickly help our side a bunch
And to give to the Horcrux a murderous punch
Let's think back when I was young…..

Well I once went with Harry, I once went with Gild
We heard Moaning Myrtle tell how she got killed
And Harry proved himself to be bilingually skilled
As sibilant songs he sung

Speaking in Parseltongue
That's what he said
Speaking in Parseltongue
Speaking in Parseltongue

The basilisk filled him with a terrible dread
He took G's sword, he struck it dead
The poisoned fangs it had in its head
From the Chamber might still be sprung….

So come on, Hermione, to the girls' room
We'll descend into the basilisk's tomb
Its fangs are still fatal, we've got to assume
Let Hufflepuff's cup be stung

Hermy, I'll say it in Parseltongue
I tell it only in Parseltongue
Speaking in Parseltongue

I give a nice loud hiss
For of Harry I make imitation
We see it open wide
Mm and we downward slide
So, Hermione, stay close until we
Get to our destination
But it's decomposed
We both had better keep hold of our nose

I give you the fang so you can make it destruct
You say I'm brilliant, I say merely "shucks"
Let us now bid a farewell to another Horcrux
The Dark Lord can eat my dung

And I can say that in Parseltongue
I would tell Voldy in Parseltongue
Speaking in Parseltongue

And we had better take some
Time to ensure the elves' liberation
Our voyage to the C of S
Has now been proven such a great success…

Come on, come on, come on Hermione
Tell Harry this
We sought out a serpent, I gave it a hiss
Then we embraced in a passionate kiss
Let wedding bells soon be rung
For I have spoken in Parseltongue
Hiss it, Hermy
For I am speaking Parseltongue….

A filk by The Final Stillness of Saturn to the tune of Tom Petty's Free Falling

THE BLOODY BARON:
Was a good girl, loved great wisdom.
Loved reading and application too.
Was a sweet girl, crazy 'bout charming.
Loved Hogsmeade and our Hogwarts, too.

Was a hard time- loving dear Helena.
Said there's no way that I'd earn her regard,
'Cause I'm a Baron and couldn't really "get" her.
Her attitude had broken my heart.

Yet I kept, kept tryin'.
Yeah I kept, kept tryin'.

Then, Helena's walkin' through the forests
'Cause she stole Rowena's diadem.
Kept thinking I saw her hiding in the shadows,
But she was gone when I looked straight at them.

But I kept, kept tryin'.
Yeah I kept, kept tryin'.
Kept tryin', yeah I kept tryin', yeah I.
Kept tryin', yeah I kept tryin', yeah I.

And now we glide through Hogwarts passageways.
When I could take rejection no more
Used a dagger to kill my true love,
So I'll always drag chains 'cross the floor.

'Cause I kept, kept tryin'.
Kept tryin', yeah I kept tryin', yeah I.
Kept tryin', yeah I kept tryin', yeah I.
Yeah I kept, kept tryin'.

To the tune of Rocking Around The Christmas Tree by Brenda Lee

THE SCENE: The Shrieking Shack. LORD VOLDEMORT takes drastic measures to take possession of the Elder Wand.

VOLDEMORT:
Sneakin' around the Shriekin' Shack
With my very favorite snake
Keepin' him safe from an attack
Since my soul itself's at stake.

Wavin' around the Elder Wand
But the darn thing will not work
Sendin' off Snape to the Great Beyond
As the hidden Trio lurk.

It was quite a detrimental downfall,
What the hey? Though you may call
Me a meanie,
Snape's a snack for my Nagini.

Seizin' from Snape the Elder Wand
Which at last is truly mine.
The OOP tries to respond,
But they can't beat my hard line.

Swaying like a snake charmer, Voldy blows his sax to a dancing Nagini

Was it a coincidental outcome
That it's here, where James Potter
Once his life saved,
Transfers to a Spinners' End grave?

Stridin' on out of the Shriekin' Shack
With my very favorite snake
Now I will launch one last attack
And that Potter lad I'll break!

To the tune of Blueberry Hill by Fats Domino (Domino = Domine = Lord)

THE SCENE: Hogwarts & the surrounding areas. Not only did LORD VOLDEMORT take over the Malfoy Manor and seize Lucius' wand, he's also swiped the Malfoy Karaoke machine, which he uses to broadcast a message to Hogwarts' embattled forces……

VOLDEMORT (as a disembodied voice):
I won't blood spill if I Harry kill
If I Harry kill, I will spare you
My will is ill till Harry I kill
I'll wait until this hour is through

The wand that's a Hallow gives
A sweet victory
And what of the Boy Who Lived?
He'll die dreadfully

Thanks to Dark Arts, depart soon he will
There'll be a big chill when I Harry kill.....

A filk by Eric Oppen to the tune of My Eyes Are Fully Open, from Gilbert and Sullivan's Ruddigore

HARRY:
My eyes are finally open to this awful situation
I must go tonight to Voldemort and face annihilation
If my friends learned what I'm planning they would say I've lost my senses
(At least Hermione, for poor old Ron severely dense is)
Now, I do not want to perish in an act of awful slaughter,
I would rather live my life beside the red-haired Weasley daughter,
But although I am as gone as any goose that's on a platter,
I will walk into the woods because it really doesn't matter!-

HERMIONE:
'Cause it really doesn't matter...-

RON:
'Cause it really doesn't matter...-

TRIO:
'Cause it really doesn't matter, cause it really doesn't matter,
Cause it really doesn't matter, matter, matter, matter, matter!-

HERMIONE:
Although they say I'm bookish and in fact I'm rather nerdy
And when I try to help my friends they say I'm rather wordy
I would say that going off into the woods is rather silly
And the thought of facing off with Riddle makes me feel all chilly
Since the war is not yet lost and all our friends are in the fight there
Why go off and just be killed to all the Death Eaters' delight there?
Of course your death would mean that all our hopes would truly shatter,
But I'll keep my big mouth shut for my opinion doesn't matter!

HARRY:
Her opinion doesn't matter-

RON:
Her opinion doesn't matter-

TRIO:
Her opinion doesn't matter, her opinion doesn't matter,
Her opinion doesn't matter, matter, matter, matter, matter!

RON:
Since we first met upon the train you've been just like my brother,
I would tell you all my secrets when I wouldn't tell another,
Although we've had our rifts you've always been the friend I'd die for,
And the friend that I would steal for, and the friend that I would lie for.
And I hope to stand there smiling as you wed my little sister
(At least if all the Dark Lord's evil curses have still missed her)
And although our hopes for winning have now frayed into a tatter,
I would like to stop you now but my opinion doesn't matter!

HARRY:
His opinion doesn't matter-

HERMIONE:
His opinion doesn't matter-

TRIO:
His opinion doesn't matter, his opinion doesn't matter,
His opinion doesn't matter, matter, matter, matter, matter!

A filk by Potioncat to the tune of The Letter by the Boxtops

Scene: 12 Grimauld Place, shortly after Dumbledore's death. Snape rushes in, dashes up to Sirius's old room and is frantically seaching for something.

S NAPE:
Got to get a picture of Lily's smile
Haven't seen her face in a long while.
Dumbledore is gone. Going it alone.
I know Lily must-a wrote him a letter.

Got to get something to remind me of her,
Just to give me strength so I will endure.
Dumbledore is gone. Going it alone.
I know Lily must-a wrote him a letter.

Well, I know Lily's letter
Would give me the strength to face Voldemort.
Got to find her picture so that I can do what
I promised Dumbledore,

Anything…

repeat

A filk by Snape's Mistress to the tune of Moonlight Shadow by Mike Oldfield

The song follows the interaction between Snape and Harry since the death of AD until the final meeting in the FF.

The last that Harry ever saw him
Standing amidst Malfoy and the Carrows
He looked all angry and revolted
Cleaning the mess of a boy too callow
Abiding Riddle that ominous night
Up above in the tower high
He was caught by the terms of the Unbreakable Vow
And he couldn't find how to push through

Harry saw the two of them speaking
About one third of the Deathly Hallows
Riddle thought he knew the key to winning
Snape became prey of a mind too narrow
All he saw was the silhouette of a wand
Right up there, in the Shrieking Shack
He was bit just once but one bite was enough
And he couldn't find how to push through

I stay, I pray, "Look at me" is all he can say,
Then drifts away to the other side of the Veil.

Four a.m. in the morning
Sitting before a stone basin shallow
He watched his memories unfolding
Telling a tale that was kept in shadows
Past flows slowly in the silvery stuff
Caged for years in a broken heart
Will you go to talk with her this night?
But he couldn't find how to push through

A man in pain, sticking to the good side all the way.
He meets his fate. See you in heaven one day.

Far away on the other side...

Clinging to life on his last chance to survive
The dawn was heavy and the air was alive,
And he finally found how to push through.

A filk by Murasaki to the tune of I Will Follow You Into the Dark by Death Cab for Cutie

Harry comes to grips with the realization of what he must do to defeat Voldemort.

HARRY:
Voldemort, now I will tie the score,
And those who fell before--
I'll join them all beyond the veil.
Fate's rolled the dice; now I'll pay the price.
This is my sacrifice
To ensure good will prevail.

If the Prophecy divines that the both of us must die
For from the artifacts your seven souls to fly;
If I must die to kill you in this epic tale,
Then I'll join them all beyond the veil.

To my aid compelled, as I stood and yelled,
I saw my god-dad felled
By a lady in black.
One year passed; my headmaster unsurpassed
Was hit by a killing blast
And he never came back.

If the Prophecy divines that the both of us must die
For from the artifacts your seven souls to fly;
If I must die to kill you in this epic tale,
Then I'll join them all beyond the veil.

My friends and me left your souls as done debris:
Your diary to Nagini,
And the last soul's in me; you're in me imbued.
It's either me or you,
There's nothing else left to do;
Then I will go across
To a place like King's Cross . . .

If the Prophecy divines that the both of us must die
For from the artifacts your seven souls to fly;
If I must die to kill you in this epic tale,
Then I'll join them all beyond the veil.
Then I'll join them all beyond the veil.

To the tune of Rock Around the Clock by Bill Haley and the Comets

THE SCENE: The Forbidden Forest. Into the Woods, in his Agony and Lament, HARRY discovers that No One Is Alone.

HARRY (as he splits apart the Snitch):
There's no way to cope, as my woe grows
I'm at the end of rope, as my woe grows
I have not the faintest hope, as my woe grows
It's gonna open at the close tonight

Enter the ethereal quartet of JAMES, LILY, SIRIUS & LUPIN

LUPIN:
You'll let Lord Voldy knock you dead
`Cause a Horcrux's stuck inside your head
It's gonna open at the close tonight
You'll expose yourself to foes outright

HARRY & QUARTET:
Gonna ope, gonna open at the close tonight

JAMES:
My son, you've got your mother's eyes
We'll usher you to a brave demise
It's gonna open at the close tonight
He'll depose the Chosen One, all right.

HARRY & QUARTET:
Gonna ope, gonna open at the close tonight

Instrumental interlude, as HARRY'S jitters are replaced with jitterbugging

SIRIUS:
We four came down to you from heaven
Tragic ending for Book Seven
It's gonna open at the close tonight
You will doze through those eternal nights

HARRY & QUARTET:
Gonna ope, gonna open at the close tonight

LILY:
When the two of us meet face to face,
There won't be a dry eye in the place
It's gonna open at the close tonight
Gonna die in prose of Jo's tonight

HARRY & QUARTET:
Gonna ope, gonna open at the close tonight

Second instrumental interlude, with further jitterbugging by the Quintet, which suggests that Death really is the Next Great Adventure. HARRY & QUARTET enter the Death Eaters' Camp

HARRY
What a clumsy-ox, I have dropped the stone
And I face the Dark Lord all alone
It's gonna open at the close tonight

VOLDEMORT:
And my blows are unopposed tonight

HARRY, VOLDEMORT & CHORUS OF DEATH EATERS:
Gonna ope, gonna open at the close tonight!

VOLDEMORT casts the AK curse on HARRY, causing both of them to crumple to the ground.

A filk by Anon E. Mouse to the tune of Love of Your Love from Xena the Warrior Princess

This is what Dumbledore was saying to Harry at King's Cross

DUMBLEDORE:
Yes I lied
All along I had been covering the truth
Set you up for the slaughter
I sacrificed your innocence and youth
That I could simply will it
Was the real untruth

I was wrong
I wore a mask to cover my deceit
But underneath it all I couldn't keep away my doubt
Now I'm left without a mask
With one question left to ask

I'm sorry, please help me, forgive me
Don't hate me, don't judge me, forgive me
Forgive me my tricks as only you could
Forgive me the hate, replace evil with good
Forgive me and find out that you
Will proudly yet make it through

My Ariana
I've never given you a moment of my time
I didn't know the days we had left were so few
If I only knew
I'd have spent them with you
I'm so sorry
I couldn't be the brother you deserved
It's in the crossfire, that you were caught
And your last word
That I never heard
Now it seems absurd

Can you forgive me?
Open up your heart and let me in
No matter if my magic had been torn
There's one thing through all of this I've learned
That what I need from you is to forgive me,

I'm sorry, believe me
Stop hating, stop hurting, forgive me
Forgive those who harmed you
Do good for those who hate
Forgive if not forget
I know it's not too late--
Forgive me and you'll discover too
I'll be reunited with you

To the tune of You Must Meet My Wife from Sondheim's A Riddle Night - I mean, A Little Night Music

THE SCENE: The Boy Who Lived and the Lord Who Died waltz their way through DH's final chapter.

VOLDEMORT:
Of him I am rid, He-
Who-Lived lives no more,
I guess I'm a little giddy,
Help me off the floor.
At long last I have won, I'm done with this strife.
I just took his life.

My hex diabolic,
Narcissa confirms,
Makes Potter ex-metabolic,
He's mere food for worms.
I'll use a Crucio to show how he fell
I just took his life, my Bell.

One hundred times he has escaped me
But his funeral I'll find pleasant
What happiness 'twill bring to Snapey
Oh, but wait, I'd forgotten, he's not in at present….
The son of James Potter
And Lily, his wife
'Twas so long ago I got her
And him with my knife
Just watch me now and see how far I can go--
I just took his life, you know.

HARRY [aside, spoken]: Dear Narcissa, Draco's just longing to see you. In the castle.

VOLDEMORT:
He crumbles..

HARRY [aside]:
So you think.

VOLDEMORT:
Like Dumble...

HARRY [aside]:
Not quite.

VOLDEMORT:
My curses have caused him to shrink --

HARRY [aside]:
This Dark Lord ain't bright.

VOLDEMORT:
By idiosyncratic….

HARRY [aside]:
Hor...?

VOLDEMORT:
--crux once rife,
I just took his life.

HARRY (spoken, aside, thinking of his parents):
Yes, I'll trust. I'll really trust. Now--

VOLDEMORT:
Tell Hagrid….

HARRY [aside]:
It's awesome….

VOLDEMORT:
…..Convey kid…

. HARRY [aside]:
….My ruse.

VOLDEMORT:
….To school.

HARRY [aside]:
Though I am playing possum,
Voldy's still obtuse.

VOLDEMORT (abruptly shouting an order to Hagrid):
I now reveal a---STOP!

HARRY [aside]:
A Harry inert.

VOLDEMORT:
Ha! Ha!

HARRY [aside]:
Now?

VOLDEMORT (ordering Hagrid to drop Harry):
Flop!

HARRY [aside]:
He now speaks of me rude.

VOLDEMORT:
He's dirt.

HARRY [aside]:
Yet unhurt.

VOLDEMORT:
The Chosen One, you see him vanquished,
By my Killing Curse overpowered.
Resistance to me has all been squished,
And so triumphs the Devil…

HARRY (revealing himself to Voldemort, as Neville brandishes the Sword of Gryffindor):
But Neville's
No coward!

VOLDEMORT:
You live on!

HARRY:
You're livid!

VOLDEMORT:
Fetch Bella!

HARRY:
She died.

VOLDEMORT:
You should have been slain at Privet.

HARRY:
Your wish is denied.

VOLDEMORT:
Don't call me any names--

HARRY:
Like?

VOLDEMORT:
"Old Tommy R."

HARRY:
I'd go that far.

VOLDEMORT:
I'll re-take your life.

HARRY:
But you are what you are….

VOLDEMORT:
My certainties have turned to maybes
As you urge me on to repentance.
I'd rather be an ugly baby
Than relinquish my power --

HARRY:
You've earned your death sentence!
You're monstrous!

VOLDEMORT:
I'm fright'ning!

HARRY:
Unfeeling!

VOLDEMORT:
Uncursed!
I'll strike as the tension's tightening--

HARRY:
No, I'll strike you first.

VOLDEMORT:
My fierce offense, my devastation--

HARRY:
You're cursed!

VOLDEMORT (as his AK rebounds upon him):
No!

HARRY:
Yes!

VOLDEMORT:
No!

HARRY:
Riddle!

VOLDEMORT:
I just lost my life.

HARRY:
We'll exult with drum and with fife.

VOLDEMORT:
What went wrong?

HARRY:
You just lost your life.

VOLDEMORT/ HARRY:
Yes, I/you just. Yes, I/you just...

A filk by Jason LeBouef to the tune of Abraham, Martin, and John by Dion (or Leonard Nimoy if you have it)

HARRY (pondering the deaths of some of his closest friends):
Has anybody here seen my old friend Alastor?
Can you tell me where he's gone?
He was cursed by Voldy when he tried to help me escape
I turned around and he's gone.

Anybody here seen my old friend Tonks?
Can you tell me where she's gone?
She fought the battle of Hogwarts and somehow she got cursed
I just looked at her but she's gone.

Anybody here seen my good owl Hedwig?
Can you tell me where she's gone?
Shunpike shot an AK and it missed and hit my owl.
Fell from the sidecar, now she's gone.

Didn't you know they fought for the good side?
Didn't they fight for good and die for you and me?
So we'll be free
Someday soon, and it's gonna be one day.

Has anybody here seen my old friend Dobby?
Can you tell me where he's gone?
I think I saw him boarding a train at the station
With Alastor, Hedwig, and Tonks.

A filk by Salazar to the tune of It Sucks to be Me from the musical Avenue Q. by Robert Lopez and Jeff Marx

The dead characters from Deathly Hallows are lamenting their fate in King's Cross. Currently, only FRED, LUPIN and TONKS are present.

TONKS (spoken):
Well, at least we had a good life.

FRED:
Actually, I thought it was disappointing.

TONKS:
Why?

FRED:
Well, my brother can't exactly make jokes without me now. I had most of the good ideas, you know.

TONKS:
I'm sorry.

FRED:
Me too! I mean, look at me! I'm two years out of Hogwarts and I always thought-well-

TONKS:
What?

FRED:
No, it sounds stupid.

TONKS:
Aw, c'mon!

FRED (sung):
When I was little
I thought I would forge

TONKS (spoken):
What?

FRED:
The greatest wizard pranks
With my brother George.
But I was crushed to death
By Voldemort's scourge.
I'm dead.

TONKS:
Yup.

FRED:
Oh well.

TONKS (Vocalizing):
Mmm-hmm.

FRED:
It's curtains for me.

LUPIN (gloomily):
Yup.

FRED:
It's curtains for me.

LUPIN:
Yup.

FRED:
It's curtains before I got the chance to even turn twenty!
It's curtains for me.

TONKS (spoken):
You think it sucks for you to be dead?

FRED (spoken):
I think so.

TONKS:
Your death isn't so sad.
(sung) I was an Auror
With really good looks.

LUPIN:
Oh yeah!

TONKS (blushing):
Thanks.
(sung) I caught the Death Eaters
And most wizard crooks.
And I got shipped with every guy
In the books!
Yet I will not know my child!
Fuck!
It's curtains for me.

LUPIN:
Me too.

TONKS:
It's curtains for me.

LUPIN:
It's curtains for me.
It's curtains for Lupin

TONKS:
And Tonks.

LUPIN:
At least we took out
Those Death Eater wonks.

BOTH:
It's curtains for me.

DOBBY suddenly apparates into the middle of it. He is accompanied by SNAPE.

FRED:
Hey, Dobby, Snape, could you settle something for me and Tonks, do you have a second?

DOBBY:
Yes, master Fred!

TONKS:
Whose death was more tragic, Fred's or mine?

DOBBY and SNAPE look at each other

BOTH:
Ours!

DOBBY:
I was a free elf!

SNAPE:
I spent my whole life being glum.

DOBBY:
I saved young master Harry!

SNAPE:
I was stalking Potter's mum.

BOTH:
Yet now a corpse is all we really get to become.

SNAPE:
We spend our whole afterlife's duration
Stuck inside a cosmic train station!

DOBBY:
I've lost my clothes now.

SNAPE:
My death seems really unfair.

DOBBY (spoken):
Oh yeah?
(sung) I got knifed in the gut 'cause Bellatrix was going spare!

SNAPE:
The girl I loved thought that I just didn't care.
It sucks!
Why did I

BOTH:
Have to bloody well die?
It's curtains for me!

TONKS:
It's curtains for me!

FRED:
It's curtains for me!

ALL:
Why did JKR make her book high mortality?
It's curtains for me!

TONKS:
Da da da da dad a

FRED:
Da da da da da

LUPIN/SNAPE:
Da da da da da

DOBBY:
Da da da da

TONKS:
Da da da da dad a

FRED:
Da da da da da

LUPIN/SNAPE:
Da da da da da

DOBBY:
Da da da da

BELLATRIX suddenly appears, looking scandalized

BELLATRIX (spoken):
Why am I stuck with you filth?!

FRED (spoken):
Because you're dead.

BELLATRIX (spoken):
I'm dead?! Did I hear that correctly? FUCK!
(sung) I came into this series
With evil, dark designs
I wound up played by Bonham Carter,
But she had just two lines!
And I was shipped with someone
Played by Ralph Fiennes.
And Voldemort
Was not quite a total stud.
Plus, I have no fanboys.
And I never got to give Neville sass.
And Mrs. Weasley kicked my ass!
It's curtains for me.
It's curtains for me.
It sucks it's curtains curtains curtains curtains curtains curtains curtains, fuck!
It's curtains for me!

LUPIN (spoken):
Well, Bellatrix, too bad, but now that you're dead, this is where you live.

BELLATRIX (spoken):
Why didn't I get stuck in a Pureblood train station?

LUPIN:
I don't think there is such a thing.

TONKS (spoken):
By the way, is anyone wondering who's winning down at Hog-

With a flamboyant burst of the music, VOLDEMORT suddenly appears in the midst of the group.

BELLATRIX:
Master?! You're dead too?!

VOLDEMORT (miserably):
Yes, I am.
(sung) I lost to Potter
'Cause of the Elder wand.
I lost the deathstick's power
To a sniveling little blonde!
Potter killed
The greatest badass JKR spawned.
Now I'm here,
And all of my evil is finally through!

OTHERS:
It's curtains for you!

LUPIN (spoken):
We won!

OTHERS:
It's curtains for you!

FRED (spoken):
I feel better now.

VOLDEMORT:
Try having dumb kids stopping you
To tell you
(spoken) "Show a little remorse, if you can, Riddle!"
It feels cliché.

OTHERS:
It's curtains for you
The Dark side is through!

VOLDEMORT:
Curtains for me.

BELLATRIX:
Curtains for you.

OTHERS:
The Dark side is through!

ALL:
Curtains for us.
And now we're all together!
We're together and the series is through!
The Potter series is through!
There's naught to do.
Though the fans feel blue,
The Potter series is through.

LUPIN (spoken):
Back to real life.

ALL:
The Potter series is through.

VOLDEMORT (spoken):
We know you loved it.

ALL:
The Potter series is through.

TONKS:
Bye bye, fans!

ALL:
Now Harry Potter is through!

To the tune of Johnnie Cope by Eric Oppen

This is not a good song to sing around McGonagall. Those stories about her having been the guiding mind behind the '45 Rebellion, or having borne Bonnie Prince Charlie's love-child, are not true, but any mention of the Jacobites does make her cry.

Riddle sent Harry P. a note,
Sayin' "I'll soon have ye by the throat,
An' make your skin my winter coat,
If ye meet me up there at Hogwarts!"

Chorus:
Hey, Tom Riddle, are ye winnin' yet?
An' why are ye no' grinnin' yet?
Or was there something ye did forget,
When ye met Harry P. up at Hogwarts!

When Harry P. the message heard,
He drew his wand wi' a naughty word,
An' said "Come wi' me, Hermione, Ron,
An' we'll meet Tommy Riddle at Hogwarts!"

The Trio got tae Hogwarts ane fine day,
An' j'ined up wi' the whole D.A.,
An' said "Tom Riddle now wants tae play,
An' take o'er a' of Hogwarts!"

Death Eaters came wi' spells o' doom,
Dementors cast their waefu' gloom,
An' Riddle said "I'll see ye in the tomb
If ye dinnae g'ie me Hogwarts!"

McGonagall said "I must insist
Upon my duty tae resist,
So come, bring 'em on, the whole foul list,
An' I'll fight ye now for Hogwarts!"

The battle raged a' through the night,
Until by dawn's most early light,
Harry P. finally won the fight
An' beat Tommy Riddle at Hogwarts!

A filk by The Final Stillness of Saturn to the tune of Glycerine by Bush

First solo for Teddy Lupin!

TEDDY:
A kiss to your lips
Is such a head trip.
You and me are real;
This is how I feel.

Now I wouldn't mind
Just to unwind
And spend all my time
With you, sublime.

Everyone's at school.
Everyone's left.
Then you're off.
Now I'm bereft.

Please come back home.
Heart over brawn.
I'll always miss you
When you're gone.

Don't let the days go by.
Victorie
Victorie

I feel so alone.
I do nothing but sigh.
You are the one,
And that's no lie.

When you go to school,
It will be uncool,
But when we meet,
It's like unending heat.

I will miss you bad,
Seeing your face.
I couldn't love you more,
You've got such beauty and grace.

Don't let the days go by.

School can't end quick enough
For me.
I live for you,
And want you to see.

School can't end quick enough
For you.
I'll hold you dear;
You know it's true.

Victorie
Victorie

Don't let the days go by.
Don't let the days go by.
Victorie,
Victorie

Hogwarts time again.
Hogwarts time again.
Hogwarts time again.
Fall sends you onward.

I want so much more
Than our hurried kisses.
One day you'll be
My misses.

As for just now,
I'll deal with the pain.
Pull me inside,
Let me always remain.

Don't let the days go by.

School can't end quick enough
For you
You, you

Victorie
Victorie

Victorie
Victorie