Copyright 2003 by Haggridd
To the tune of Sit Down, John
With apologies to Mr. John Adams and to the Second Continental Congress<
SCENE: Ron Weasley and Hermione Granger, newly-minted Gryffindor prefects, confront the Weasley twins, Fred & George, who are using first-years as guinea pigs.Hermione urges Ron to exercise his authority. The twins are unimpressed by their little brother's new office.
HERMIONE:
Come on, Ron! Come on, Ron!
By Godric, Ron, come on!
Come on, Ron! Come on, Ron!
By Godric, Ron, come on!
Ron, you must remember you're a prefect!
(to the Twins)
Don't hurt those first-years!
FRED & GEORGE:
They're all volunteers!
Besides, you see they all are still alive!
HERMIONE:
Ron, you must remember you're a prefect!
RON (reluctantly):
I say skive off! Skive off! No more Fainting Fancies, please!
FRED & GEORGE:
Hey! Our ickle Ronnie's now a prefect!
RON
I say skive off!
FRED & GEORGE:
Sit down, Ron!
RON (practically begging):
No more Fainting Fancies, please!
FRED & GEORGE:
Listen hard now, Ronniekins the prefect!
No, no, no! Two dozen tries! Nobody dies!
See? The ickle Firsties all are still alive!
Say, Ron, go and ask your fellow prefect
Can't she compromise here?
RON
:
Skive off!
HERMIONE:
No, the law applies here!
RON
:
Skive off!
FRED & GEORGE:
For Godric's sake, Ron, sit down!
RON
Good Godric! Consider yourself lucky that you have brother Ron to
abuse; Hermione'll never tolerate it!
FRED & GEORGE:
Ron, you're a bore; we've heard this before
For Godric's sake, Ron, sit down!
RON
I say skive off!
FRED & GEORGE:
No!
RON
Skive off!
FRED & GEORGE:
No!
RON
No more Fainting Fancies, please!
HERMIONE:
And I'll post an owl to your mother!
RON
I say skive off!
FRED & GEORGE:
Sit down, Ron!
RON
No more Fainting Fancies, please!
FRED & GEORGE (to Ron):
Will you please stop Hermione?
RON:
Never!
Even the Weasley Twins must bow before the elemental moral force that is prefect Hermione
To the tune of Piddle, Twiddle and Resolve and Till Then
SCENES: (1) Angelina Johnson, captain of the Gryffindor Quidditch team now that Oliver Wood has graduated, reacts to the consequences of infamous Educational Decree Number Twenty-Five. (2) The aftermath of the last Quidditch match of the year.
ANGELINA JOHNSON:
I do believe she's cast a curse. That Umbridge is a whore!
A curse that we now here rehearse at House of Gryffindor!
Her new office as Inquisitor
Is a thing we must abide.
Loss of Divinations Teacher
I suppose I'll take in stride.
But, now she hurts our Quidditch.
That must surely be defied!
I say this with humility for House of Gryffindor!
We're your responsibility, this House of Gryffindor!
If you don't want to see our won-lost
Record take a sharp nose dive,
If you still want our chance to win the Quidditch Cup
To stay alive,
Then Godric, put a stop to
That Decree Twenty-Five.
You see, our Beaters, Seeker, all are banned.
That foul witch had it all planned!
Beaters, Seeker all are banned.
No more Quidditch wins for
Bashed, bludgeoned, bloodied, besmirched, besieged
House of Gryffindor!
Their family played for years and years for House of Gryffindor!
These new Weasleys play upon my fears for House of Gryffindor!
I can't decide on whether they can fly,
Or if they're good or bad; I'm convinced
The only Purpose that Decree ever had
Was to make us lose specifically
To drive A. Johnson mad!
You see, our Beaters, Seeker all are banned,
Two new Weasleys now on hand.
Beaters, Seeker all are banned.
No more Quidditch wins for
Bashed, bludgeoned, bloodied, besmirched, besieged
House of Gryffindor!
GRYFFINDORS:
Someone said Ron Weasley's now our Keeper!
Good Godric!
HERMIONE:
Ron, Ron, is that you carrying on, Ron?
Just play your Keeper position; don't let the Quaffle in.
Don't worry when the Slytherins sing,
"Weasley is our King."
There are six other players playing:
Angelina flies with you;
Little Ginny is our Seeker;
And Alicia is there too.
Now Katie Bell's a Chaser--
RON:
Hermione, what else is new?
HERMIONE:
There's one thing that I think you missed while
Training how to play.
RON:
(sniggers)
HERMIONE:
Don't smirk at me, you nervous boy; pay
Heed to what I say.
You have the legacy of Charlie,
Champion of Gryffindor.
"The Twins were human Beaters."
All of this you should ignore.
If you just play like Ron Weasley
I'm sure you'll love the score!
RON (after the match):
We won, We won
I played as I never did and followed your advice;
Yours, yours, yours, yours, yours.
HERMIONE:
You did it, Ron.
RON:
Yeah, Hermione.
GRYFINDORS:
Yes, Weasley is our King!
To the tune of The Lees of Old Virginia
With apologies to Messrs. John Adams, Richard Henry Lee and Doctor Benjamin Franklin
SCENE: By means of an enchanted Flying Ford Anglia, RON, FRED & GEORGE bring HARRY from Number Four Privet Drive to their home in the village of Ottery St. Catchpole, "The Burrow".
RON, FRED & GEORGE:
Our family name is Weasley
"The Burrow" is our home.
Our family name is Weasley.
"The Burrow" is our home.
So you can get out of dad's car
Maybe mum can't see us from afar,
And we can sneak in without our getting caught.
For we are clan Weasley, a big family
And our little sister's name is Virginia.
Yes, the clan Weasley, the largest family
In the town of Ottery St. Catchpole.
RON:
And we had better get inside;
If mother sees us she will tan my hide!
RON, FRED & GEORGE:
We'll wish we'd sneaked in without our getting caught.
You see, it's here Weasley, there Weasley,
And everywhere Weasley, Weasley.
FRED: Bill Weas--
RON: -ley!
GEORGE: Perfect Percy Weas--
RON: -ley!
FRED: Charlie Weas--
RON: -ley!
GEORGE: The Twins Weas--
RON: -ley!
FRED: Ronald Weas--
RON: -ley!
GEORGE: Ginny Weas--
RON: -ley!
FRED: Arthur Weas--
RON: -ley!
GEORGE: Molly Weas--
RON: -ley!
RON, FRED & GEORGE:
We're clan Weasley, one huge family
And our little sister's name is Virginia.
All our dad cares about, you see
Are Muggles and eckletricity
So it won't matter to him if we get caught.
HARRY:
But Mr. Weasley, He'll help us.
He will, Ron, He will!
FRED & GEORGE:
We'll sneak inside "The Burrow" without our getting caught.
We have to sneak inside "The Burrow" without our getting caught.
But, we tell you Ron, it's tough
Unless you are made of the stuff
Of Weasleys, the Weasleys of "The Burrow".
RON, FRED & GEORGE:
You see, it's here Weasley, there Weasley
And everywhere Weasley, Weasley.
Here Weasley, there Weasley
Look Out! There's Bill Weasley,
Charles Weasley, Humongous Bighead Percy Weasley.
RON:
Fred Weasley, George Weasley,
FRED:
And ickle Ron.
RON:
That's me!
GEORGE:
It's elementary, my dear Holmes,
We'll be stuck removing Garden Gnomes.
If we don't sneak in without our getting caught.
By Merlin's beard! It's here Weasley, there Weasley
Come on, "bro's", join in with me!
RON, FRED & GEORGE:
Here Weasley, there Weasley
HARRY:
What's your Dad's name?
RON:
Arthur Weasley!
RON, FRED & GEORGE:
Here Weasley, there Weasley--
HARRY:
And who is your Mum?
RON:
Molly!
HARRY:
Here Weasley, there Weasley--
RON:
She won't spank you but she will me!
ALL:
Here Weasley, there Weasley,
Everywhere Weasley, Weasley.
Burrow Ho!
HARRY, RON, FRED & GEORGE try to sneak into The Burrow, with predictable results.
To the tune of But Mr. Adams
With apologies to Messrs. John Adams, Thomas Jefferson, Robert Livingston, Roger Sherman and Doctor Benjamin Franklin
Scene: Hogwarts Faculty Staff Room. GILDEROY LOCKHART is attempting to explain why he should not venture into the Chamber of Secrets to save Ginny Weasley. Professors MCGONAGALL, SNAPE, FLITWICK, SPROUT and HOOCH are singularly unimpressed.
LOCKHART:
So sorry... must have dozed off... what have I missed?
Which of you will volunteer to find the Chamber of Secrets?
McGONAGALL:
Professor Lockhart, I say you should seek it.
You're the Defense Against the Dark Arts wizard.
LOCKHART:
Is that so?
Well, I don't think I should do it,
Though I would go right to it.
I won Wizard Weekly's Most-Charming-Smile award.
McGONAGALL
(with a frosty look in her eyes):
Yes, I know.
LOCKHART:
But I say you should seek it, Minerva,
yes you.
McGONAGALL:
Och, no!
LOCKHART:
Yes you, Minerva McGonagall, you!
McGONAGALL:
But--
LOCKHART:
You!
McGONAGALL:
But--
LOCKHART:
You!
McGONAGALL:
But...
McGONAGALL:
Mr. Lockhart, Professor Lockhart,
It seems you take me for an idiot or a senile fool,
The DADA teacher slays all Monsters; it has been the rule.
I must remain Assistant Headmistress at Hogwarts School.
SPROUT, FLITWICK, HOOCH and SNAPE:
It's the rule! It's the rule! Minerva
is no fool!
LOCKHART:
Professor Sprout, I think you should seek it.
You know all a witch could ever know of plants.
SPROUT:
Root and branch!
LOCKHART:
You see, I don't think I should do it,
Though I would go right to it.
MCGONAGALL, FLITWICK, SNAPE and HOOCH:
We grow weary of his boastful raves and rants.
SPROUT:
I've seen him blanch.
LOCKHART:
So I say you should seek it, Madam, yes you!
SPROUT:
No, Gilderoy.
LOCKHART:
Yes you, Professor Sprout, you!
SPROUT:
But--
LOCKHART:
You!
SPROUT:
But--
LOCKHART:
You!
SPROUT:
But...
Mr. Lockhart, Professor Lockhart,
The Chamber's said to hold a thing from Greek mythology.
It's on flora, not on fauna I know morphology;
So I must stay right here and study my Herbology.
MCGONAGALL, FLITWICK, SNAPE, AND HOOCH:
Herbology! Herbology! A magical gardener she!
LOCKHART:
Mr. Flitwick, maybe you should seek it.
You know everything there is to know of Charms.
FLITWICK:
Well, I should.
LOCKHART:
You see, I don't think I should do it,
Though I would go right to it.
You'd bring Ginny back into her mother's arms.
FLITWICK:
Yes I would.
LOCKHART:
Then I say you should seek her, Flitwick,
yes you.
FLITWICK:
Squeak! Squeak!
LOCKHART:
Yes you, Filius Flitwick, you!
FLITWICK:
But--
LOCKHART:
You!
FLITWICK:
But--
LOCKHART:
You!
FLITWICK:
But...
Mr. Lockhart, Professor Lockhart
I would fain go and seek the Heir of Slytherin double-quick,
But any Charm is not the proper kindof magic trick.
In deadly battle it will not suffice to "swish and flick".
MCGONAGALL, SPROUT, HOOCH and SNAPE:
Swish and flick; swish and flick; it won't stop a sword stick!
SNAPE:
Well, Gilderoy Lockhart?
LOCKHART:
Potions Master, leave me alone!
SNAPE:
Gilderoy Lockhart...
LOCKHART:
Professor Snape, as eager as I am to lead the charge, I have so many demands on my
time-- public appearances, photo shoots, hair-dressing appointments-- that I'm afraid I simply have no time...
SNAPE: (interrupting and speaking over Lockhart)
"I pounced, slammed him to the floor; with one hand, I managed to hold him down. With my other, I put my wand to his
throat. I then screwed up my remaining strength and performed the immensely complex Homorphus Charm. He let out a piteous
moan, the fur vanished. the fangs shrank, and he turned back into a man. Simple, yet effective-- and another village will
remember me forever as the hero who delivered them from the monthly terror of werewolf attacks." Gilderoy Lockhart,
The Defeat of the Wagga Wagga Werewolf, from Wanderings with Werewolves.Magnificent!
I certainly remember you saying you were sorry you hadn't had a chance at the Monster before Hagrid was arrested, and didn't you say that the whole affair had been bungled, and that you should have been given a free rein from the first?
LOCKHART:
(trembling)
M-m-monster?
SNAPE:
Indeed!
HOOCH:
You must try, Gilderoy!
LOCKHART:
I could die!
(Bozhe moi!)
SPROUT:
Braggart!
FLITWICK:
Laggard!
HOOCH:
Blackguard!
McGONAGALL:
Awa' wi' ye, man!
LOCKHART:
Potions Master, dear Potions Master,
Although a free rein for my efforts is long overdue,
The Heir of Slytherin I do believe I would subdue,
But there's a ton of correspondence that I should review.
MCGONAGALL, SPROUT, FLITWICK AND HOOCH:
Overdue; Overdue, his mail can't be late!
SNAPE:
Be Silent!
Mr. Lockhart, damn you, Mr Lockhart,
At cowardism and at fraud, you do connive.
Well, in spite of that into the Chamber you will dive.
MCGONAGALL, SPROUT, FLITWICK AND HOOCH:
You will dive...
SNAPE:
I don't really care a fig if you do not survive!
MCGONAGALL, SPROUT, FLITWICK AND HOOCH:
Not survive; not survive;
You'll face the Monster yet!
LOCKHART leaves the Staff Room for hisoffice, ostensibly to prepare for his assault on the Chamber of Secrets.
To the tune of Yours, Yours, Yours
With apologies to Mr. and Mrs. John and Abigail Adams<
SCENE: Harry is talking to his godfather, Sirius Black, via the fireplace in Delores Umbridge's office, after being very surprised by information gleaned from Professor Snape's Pensieve.
HARRY:
I live like a babe in a nursery
Mollycoddled, kept from news; I hate it.
SIRIUS:
I live like a guest in my own house
Tolerated, protected; I hate it
HARRY:
Help me cope with my paternal confusion.
Was my father good? Was that an illusion?
SIRIUS:
Do you think your father grew up all at once?
Remember, any fifteen-year-old boy can act the dunce.
My best friend, James, I'll defend. James
Became a most splendid young wizard.
How else could he have won Lily's hand?
HARRY:
Then they both kept house in Godric's Grove together
SIRIUS:
And they joined the Order,
Our faithful band.
BOTH:
They're gone, we're here
I'll miss them forever; now
Ever shall I be
Yours, yours, yours, yours, yours
SIRIUS:
Godson, Harry
HARRY:
Godfather, Sirius
BOTH:
Now I must say, "Good night"
To the tune of He Plays the Violin.
With apolgies to Mrs. Martha Jefferson, Mr. John Adams and Doctor Benjamin Franklin
SCENE: PROF. TRELAWNEY'S Classroom. The place is suffused by crimson light, the fire is roaring in the hearth, and LAVENDER BROWN is excitedly praising TRELAWNEY's virtues to PARVATI PATIL.
LAVENDER BROWN:
Oh she rarely reads the tea leaves,
In teacups pink or blue.
Where most other methods might not,
This one always comes through.
So sooth she will aver;
Sundry visions seen through her
Inner Eye.
She reads the crystal ball,
A sphere not too large or too small.
And it glows, oh, it glows,
'Cause she knows what she knows.
Then she makes her prognostication
Proclaims to the Wizarding Nation.
"The future behold!"
O, O, O, O, Our fortunes are told.
TRELAWNEY:
I read the crystal ball,
And I hear the spirit world call.
From the orb I absorb
Into my Inner Eye
The most mystical of vibrations.
Then I make my divinations
Of what shall unfold.
O, O, O, O, your fortunes are told.
But then there was the time;
There was neither reason or rhyme,
When I tried; prophesied
Without fail, 'bout Wormtail.
In spite of my old prediliction
I made an accurate prediction.
I really can See!
O, O, O, O, Crystal Ball is for me.
LAVENDER BROWN:
She reads the Crystal Ball.
PARVATI PATIL:
She reads the Crystal Ball
TRELAWNEY:
I read the Crystal Ball.
To the tune of Cool, Cool Considerate Men
With apologies to Messrs. John Dickinson and John Hancock
Scene: In DUMBLEDORE'S office, HARRY looks into the Pensieve, and watches a scene from years before. A trial of Death Eaters is in session.
HARRY:
While inside the Pensieve I see
A Court of Wizards sitting far below me.
This looks bad, expressions mad
Little mercy to be had; everybody's sad.
And look! Dementors line the hall
Mr. Crouch is looking tall;
It appears he's running all.
He shouts "They're guilty, all guilty!"
JURY:
They're guilty, all guilty!
HARRY:
It's so cruel!
CROUCH, SR.:
Come ye cruel, cruel incredulous men;
Let's put the Death Eaters all in
Azkaban.
Henchman of Dolohov,
Karkaroff might get off.
Bagman too, I knew what he would do.
My accusation's true; He passed stuff to
You-Know-Who.
I say they're guilty, all guilty!
Oh so verminous and filthy--Yes, be cruel!
Come ye cruel, cruel most critical set.
We must make sure each Death Eater pays his debt.
On the right, sit ye on the right;
Spectators on the left; jury on the right.
Let my son, because of what he's done,
My beloved son see no more of the sun.
JURY:
We say they're guilty, all guilty!
We must use all our ability to be cruel.
DUMBLEDORE:
You must look at this rationally.
It serves nothing to go off half-cocked, you see.
Azkaban is a most revolting plan
Dementors only can bring fear to Wizard-land.
You say "It's war and we must be strong."
I say that you do wrong.
You cruel, cruel men.
CROUCH, SR:
Dumbledore, you're a wizard of probity, one of us.
Why don't you join us in our noble quest?
Why do you persist in defending Severus Snape?
Merlin's beard! You don't even like him!
DUMBLEDORE:
That is true; he'a a really slimy git,
But still it isn't fit
To shove Severus in the pit.
CROUCH, SR:
But why, because of information
He gave to you, Dumbledore?
Be careful, sir! This tribunal may put
Both you, Dumbledore, and Snape in
Azkaban.
DUMBLEDORE:
Why, sir? Is it our world that's dear,
Or your Ministry career?
Fortunately we have but a few men of
Probity among Wizardry without any mercy.
CROUCH, SR:
Well, perhaps not, but we wizards
Fearful of the Dark Mark
Would rather protect the Wizarding World
By imprisoning more, than be fooled
By showing mercy where we oughtn't.
And that is why we are sitting here
On the right, jury on the right;
Public on the left, while we stay to the right.
Rosier's cold; Rookwood was too bold;
Travers we now hold; the Lestranges never told.
I say they're guilty, all guilty.
I'll be damned if they remain free.
DUMBLEDORE:
You are cruel.
JURY:
We're the cruel, cruel incredulous men
Let's put the Death Eaters all in
Azkaban.
Had enough, must be tough,
Really rough, of stern stuff.
Hearts are cold, manner bold,
Our position we will hold.
We must do what we're told.
JURY, CROUCH, SR., (and DUMBLEDORE):
We (You) cruel, cruel, cruel, cruel, cruel,
Cruel, cruel men!
To the tune of Momma, Look Sharp
With apologies to the Continental Army
SCENE: In the middle of taking his History of Magic O.W.L., Harry has a vision of his godfather in mortal peril.
HARRY:
Sirius, hey Sirius, in the Ministry,
I see you by the power of Occlumency.
Sirius, hey Sirius, look sharp, there's LV!
Hey, hey, Sirius, look sharp!
He's trying to curse you. Oh Padfoot, please run;
The room full of spheres is a place you must shun.
Once he says, "Crucio!" Padfoot's undone.
Hey, hey, Sirius look sharp!
My eyes are wide open, I see down the hall
Is that you who's lyin' on the floor in a sprawl?
Sirius get out even if you must crawl.
Hey, hey, Sirius, look sharp!
SIRIUS (IN THE DREAM):
I won't betray my Harry
I won't do as you please.
'Twill be my place of victory, the
Department of Mysteries.
Harry finally realizes that, in this dream, he is Lord Voldemort
HARRY:
And then, to my horror, the Curse came from me.
Hey, hey, Sirius, look sharp!
To the tune of The Egg.
With apologies to Messrs. John Adams, Thomas Jefferson and Doctor Benjamin Franklin
Scene: HAGRID's Hut. HAGRID grudgingly welcomes HARRY, HERMONE and RON. The windows are shut, and it is boiling hot inside. The TRIO berate HAGRID about his new acquisition, a heavy black ovoid object.
HAGRID:
It was at the old Hog's head,
Ev'ry hand I laid down was a winner.
RON:
You should have stayed in bed,
Or have baked your rock cakes for dinner.
HARRY:
You should have known t'was no black stone
You carried home in your wagon.
HERMIONE:
You had to see in the library
It was the egg of a dragon.
HARRY:
Two wizards, a giant and a witch--
HAGRID:
Smart, brave, and always game
For any kind of fun
HERMIONE:
But this job we shall shun
Giving dragons a good name.
RON:
Name? What name?
HAGRID:
'E's Norbert! And I'm his dear old mummy!
THE TRIO:
We're waiting for the screech, screech screech
Of a dragon being born.
HERMIONE:
Waiting for your house to burn
'Cause this stifling hut is made of wood and
Right by the Forbidden Forest.
You have the fireplace quite hot enough
To hatch that stone--
HAGRID:
Herm... but that's the egg!
THE TRIO:
You know that it's against our laws
For that horrifying monster
Made of scales, teeth and claws
Any longer to remain at Hogwarts
Right by the Forbidden Forest.
RON:
Besides, you'll run out of chicken blood
To feed that beast
And brandy isn't cheap.
THE TRIO:
The dragon's going to have to go
From the grounds of Hogwarts now.
The Ministry will just say no
To your plan to raise a great huge dragon
No matter how "interesting".
RON:
No matter how strong your mania
There's a dragon preserve in Romania
Where Charlie will give him a good home.
THE TRIO:
No matter how strong your mania
He has to go to Romania
Where Charlie will give him a good home!
To the tune of Molasses to Rum.
With apologies to Mr.Edward Rutledge
SCENE: SIRIUS BLACK is in the Shrieking Shack, trying to explain to Harry, Ron and Hermione that he is innocent and why he has come to kill Peter Pettigrew, aka "Wormtail".
SIRIUS:
The Rat had come out to play.
I had to make my escape.
Twelve years too long
To right that wrong;
But the Rat had come out to play.
Twelve years I rotted in prison,
Filthy with dirt and with grime.
It took a toll
On my immortal soul,
In Azkaban where I did hard time.
Who cares if it wasn't my crime?
Then Fudge came out to make his inspection.
He praised the Dementors, wink wink
Then I spied my foe short one toe
In that newspaper pic.
The Rat had come out to play.
'Twas in Egypt his luck went astray.
Welcome news to this Hound,
In The Prophet it was found
That the Rat had come out to play.
Thank Merlin I'm an Animagus
I turned into Padfoot that day.
To Hogsmeade I ran
Away from Azkaban.
And now Wormtail would be my prey.
My ex-friend, Peter Pettigrew, had come out to play.
Harry, you musn't think my erstwhile friend
Merely betrayed his trust as Secret-Keeper to your
parents.
Oh, no sir! He not only subverted the
Fidelius Charm, he killed others in service to
You-Know-Who: unsuspecting persons on the street.
Explosions in the street.
Killed them in the street.
Destroyed them in the street.
At the pre-arranged moment he said the Curse,
"Avada! Avada Kedavra!"
Come! Listen to Peter.
"Avada! Avada Kedavra!"
He had become a Death Eater!
Dead, all of them!
Hear the count now:
One wizard; Muggle Muggle Muggle.
Thirteen were dead!
One wizard; Muggle Muggle Muggle Muggle.
Two kinds of people were destroyed,
Both races: Non-Magical people; Wizarding people.
One wizard; Muggle Muggle Muggle.
Twelve Muggles dead!
Gas main blow; Left his toe-- No one was to know!
Muggle. Muggle. "Avada Kedavra!"
The Rat had come out to play.
Scurried to hide with the Weasleys,
Safe from inquiring eyes.
He was nobody's fool;
He was in Hogwarts School.
But Crookshanks was the best of all spies.
I finally will honor my vow
To James and to Lily!
Shall we kill him now?
As we all know, Peter Pettigrew's life was spared by Harry's mercy. To what end will become clear in due time.
To the tune of Is Anybody There?
With apologies to John Adams
SCENE: Harry has gone back down to the Death Chamber for one last look before leaving the Department of Mysteries. He contemplates the Veil.
HARRY:
Is anybody there?
Does anybody care?
Does anybody else see Sirius?
They want to me to quit; they say
He died in the fight.
Still to all those I say
He might have, maybe he might!
For I have sworn a new mission,
I will ever try to find him
Come what may, come what may.
Godfather!
I know you all say through the archway
There's nought but decay, no prospect of his returning.
It's just a room, another room
I say, from which he'll come back to stop my yearning!
Is anybody there? Does anybody care?
Does anybody else see Sirius?
I see the Veil! I see it tattered and
Fluttering black.
I hear the whispers beyond;
I hear the murmuring.
I see my Godfather - big strong Sirius
Alive forever more.
How quiet, how quiet the chamber is
How silent, how silent the chamber is
Is anybody there? Does anybody care?
Does anybody else see Sirius?
This is a filk of the finale of the musical 1776, where John Hancock, President of the Second Continental Congress, has its members called to come forth and sign the Declaration of Independence. Rather than copy a scene from canon, I have chosen to have the Sorting Hat call those witches and wizards who have performed in this filk musical forward to take their bows.
SCENE: The Great Hall, at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry, after a performance of the smash hit filk musical, Harry Potter and the Declaration of Independence.
A snare drum magically beats out a staccato drumroll.
SORTING HAT: After I call out your name and House, you will come forward and receive whatever appreciation is due you. I applaud the efforts of every witch and wizard involved. I, for one certainly know how difficult it is to get up and sing before the entire School!
Sirius Black: Gryffindor!
Lavender Brown: Gryffindor!
Hermione Granger: Gryffindor!
Angelina Johnson: Gryffindor!
Parvati Patil: Gryffindor!
Harry Potter: Gryffindor!
Fred Weasley: Gryffindor!
George Weasley: Gryffindor!
Ron Weasley: Gryffindor!
Bartemius Crouch, Sr.: Head, Department of International Magical Cooperation, Ministry of Magic
Gilderoy Lockhart: Defense Against the Dark Arts Professor
Sybill Trelawney: Divinations Professor
Rolanda Xiomara Hooch: Flying Instructor and Quidditch Coach
Rubeus Hagrid: Keeper of the Keys; Care of Magical Creature Professor; Gryffindor!
Professor Sprout: Herbology Professor, Head of House, Hufflepuff!
Filius Flitwick: Charms Professor, Head of House, Ravenclaw!
Severus Snape: Potions Master, Head of House, Slytherin!
Minerva McGonagall: Transfiguration Professor, Head of House, Gryffindor!
Albus Percival Wulfric Brian Dumbledore: Order of Merlin, First Class; Chief Mugwump, International Confederation of Wizards; Chief Warlock, Wizenagamot; Headmaster of Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry; Gryffindor!
The slow tattoo of the snare drum fades away. Curtain.