Fahrenheit 10/31 - a film script by Vlad T. Moore

See also the musical adaptation by Salazar

Visual of a Wizard film studio, after hours. Enter a morbidly obese Wizard, with a jovial mein, eating a fast-food hamburger, and carrying a large soft-drink cup with a long straw.

MOORE: Hello, fellow denizens of the Wizarding World. I am Vlad T. Moore from the Most Ancient and Noble House of Flint - no, I'm no relation to that one - the one who can't be named. Hey, I'm the guy who can be named. In fact, I would prefer to be named by all of you as frequently as possible. After you've seen my movie, spread the word about it to everyone you know. I'm going to be your guide today as we start learning some deeply uncomfortable truths concerning one of the principal icons of the Wizarding World - things they prefer you didn't hear……..

Visual of Harry Potter, walking with a group of friends through Hogwarts, dining in the great hall, emerging from class with an armful of books - looking like a typical student

MOORE (voice over): Harry James Potter. The Boy Who Lived. The kid with the lightning-bolt scar. When just barely over a year old, he single-handedly, so it is said, freed the Wizarding World from its gravest danger this century. His heroic exploits have been celebrated by legions of wizards and witches throughout the world, but most especially here in Britain.

Montage of Harry grabbing the Snitch, triumphing in the First Task, winning the House Cup for Gryffindor, being applauded at the end of Year Four

MOORE: Hero. Quidditch star. Tournament Victor. Celebrity. Savior. But how much do we really know about our friend Harry? Should we all be out celebrating this little touch of Harry in the night? Or fearing it? Is he the Boy Who Lived? Or the Boy Who Lied?

Montage of Harry screaming about his scar in Trelawney's class, screaming at Ron & Hermione when arriving at 12 Grimmauld Place, sneaking into the girls' restroom during Year Two, and generally looking scruffy and slightly unhealthy

Let's see what we find when we strip away the glamorous façade.

First let's go back to the beginning - Harry's father was one James Potter. A handsome but arrogant lad.

Cut to The Maruaders in the 70s. James is playing with a Golden Snitch.

=SIRIUS: Where'd you get that?
=JAMES: Nicked it.

MOORE: (voice over) Handsome, arrogant, if not always scrupulously honest.

Cut to The Maruaders in the 70s, tormenting Snape

= JAMES: How'd the exam go, Snivelly?

MOORE: (voice over) The Marauders, the clique that James ran around with, took an especial delight in tormenting students from other houses.

Cut to Lily's intervention in this scene

= LILY (regarding James with great dislike): Leave him alone - What's he done to you?
= JAMES: Well, it's more the fact that he exists, if you know what I mean…
= LILY: You think you're funny. But you're just an arrogant, bullying toerag, Potter. Leave him alone.

MOORE: (voice over) Who's the gallant young lady standing up to the big bad bully? Why, it's none other than Lily Potter, James' bride-to-be. Harry's future mother. Not exactly love at first sight, was it?

Cut to James & Lily's wedding pictures, everyone waving vigorously

MOORE: (voice over) In spite of the seemingly joyous tableaux depicted here, even Potter himself later concluded that his father had forced Lily to marry him.

Cut to the Potter's House at Godric's Hollow.

MOORE: (voice over) October 31, 1981. The date that the Dark Lord, alleged perpetrator of much evil and horror - opened like many others. Calm. Peaceful. Almost idyllic.

Cut to shot of a gaggle of Death-Eating children flying kites with the Dark Mark emblazed on them. Cut back to the Potter's House- a cartoonish-looking Lord Voldemort enters the house, cackling evilly - the words "Re-enactment" microscopically appear at the bottom of the screen

MOORE: (voice over) The Dark Lord was alleged to have entered the home of these two Freedom Fighters late one evening, never to emerge again. So they say. The story peddled ever since by the various pro-Potter factions is that some valorous deed of heroism resulted in the Dark Lord's demise. Yet we do not know what really happened, do we? Three of the four participants are dead - perhaps - and the fourth refuses to talk. Was this really some epic struggle between Good and Evil.....

Cut to "Re-enactment" of James entering the house to find Voldemort and Lily in flagrante delicto. James flies into a rage, fires his wand at the two, killing them both. Lily fires back at James before dying

.....Or perhaps it was merely some tawdry little tale of adulterous lust and betrayal. We already have good reason to believe that Lily was forced to marry James. Or - it may not have been James who was responsible.

Cut to "Re-enactment" of Lily entering the house to find Voldemort and James in flagrante delicto. Lily flies into a rage, fires her wand at the two, killing them both. James fires back at Lily before dying.
But no matter what the true story, we can't blame a one-year old for it, can we? That would be just as foolish as crediting a one-year old for exemplary heroism.
Cut to Harry emerging from the house at Four Privet Drive

MOORE: (voice over) Like father, like son, to cite a trite though accurate cliché. Despite being orphaned so young, we'll see that Harry is every bit the chip off the old block. Hogwarts headmaster Albus Dumbledore decreed that he should be raised with Muggles - presumably to keep him apart from Wizards who might have taught him more civilized modes of behavior. The bullying ways of the father could now be cultivated unhindered in the son.

Cut to shot of Dumbledore leaving young Harry on the Dursley's doorstep. Cut to the Dursleys' discovering him on their stoop.

MOORE: (voice over) Potter victimized his new family of defenseless and helpless Muggles, who had the misfortune to be distantly related to him. He rarely lost an opportunity to express his hatred and resentment of his caretakers, despite their years of hard work and sacrifice.

Cut to Harry unleashing the boa at the zoo - people screaming, running away, cut to unrelated shot of Harry laughing - cut to Aunt Marge being inflated, Harry threatening Vernon with his wand, and escaping out the front door. Cut to the Weasleys blowing up the Dursleys fireplace in Year Four. Cut to unrelated shot of Vernon and Petunia looking panicked. Cut to unrelated shot of Harry laughing. Cut to Harry berating Dudley at the beginning of Book Five

= HARRY: Did he say you look like a pig that's been taught to walk on its hind legs? 'Cause that's not cheek, Dud, that's true.

Cut to shot of Harry raising wand. Cut to shot of Dudley looking terrified and ill (both due to the dementors, who remain off-camera)

MOORE: (voice over) Tormenting Muggles - a crime so low and tawdry that only the most criminal elements of our society indulge themselves in it. At least these poor Muggles got some relief after Harry turned 11 and entered Hogwarts.

Cut to shot of Harry meeting with the Weasleys at King's Cross Station. Close-up and freeze frame on the faces of Fred and George. Cue ominous music.

MOORE: (voice over) Almost immediately, Potter meets with the Weasley family, a connection that will later prove to be highly significant. Potter, we see, acts with characteristic aggressiveness en route…

. Cut to Harry rejecting Draco's handshake - cut to Scabbers attacking Goyle. Cut to the Slytherin Trio exiting in terror.

MOORE: (voice over) After arriving at Hogwarts, Potter met the headmaster Albus Dumbledore, who will continue to exercise a decisive - and, some add, unhealthy - influence over Potter.

Cut to Dumbledore at Privet Drive, 10.31.81, laying Harry on the Dursley doorstep. Cut to Dumbledore meeting with Harry before the Mirror of Erised.

MOORE: (voice over) Almost immediately, he decided that Harry should have what every 11-year-old needs - an Invisibility Cloak

Cut to Harry opening the package on Christmas Day, and reading the note, "Use It Well"

MOORE: (voice over) He used it well, all right.

Montage of Harry entering the Restricted Section of the Library, sneaking up the tower with Baby Norbert, etc. Cut back to Moore on screen.

MOORE: (chomping on burger and slurping from his cup) I asked to speak with Dumbledore about his less than responsible decision - I was told that he could not be seen. (get it - Invisibility Cloak - can't be seen?) So right from the start, we see the pattern: Dumbledore give Potter a complete free reign. Potter learned that rules were his to disregard. Next, let's look at another chronic pattern - how Potter gets himself "adopted" by certain mentoring figures, only to savagely turn on them in the end….

Cut to Lockhart signing books at Flourish and Blotts

MOORE: (voice over) During his second year, Potter was closely mentored by new Dark Arts Defense Professor Gilderoy Lockhart, the dynamic and gifted author of many a best seller.

Visual of Harry posing perforce with Lockhart before Colin Creevey's camera

= LOCKHART: Come on then, Mr. Creevey. A double portrait, can't do better than that, and we'll both sign it for you.

MOORE: (voice over) Lockhart seemed to be devoted to young Potter - spending inordinate time with him alone, allowing him the privilege of acting out scenarios of his legendary exploits.

Visual of Harry in Lockhart's office answering fan-mail. Cut to class role-playing the role of the Wagga-Wagga werewolf. Cut to unrelated shot of Lockhart gazing fondly, presumably at Harry.

MOORE: (voice over) Yet, in a pattern we'll see repeated over and over again, Potter inexplicably turned on his mentor in the cruelest manner possible.

Visual of Harry, Ron & Lockhart entering the Chamber of Secrets

MOORE: (voice over) When Lockhart was asked to investigate some odd goings-on in a subterranean passageway beneath the school, he asked Potter and Ron Weasley to accompany him, which they reluctantly did. When they emerged several hours, Lockhart had met with an unfortunate "mishap."

Visual of Lockhart on the chronic ward of St. Mungo.

MOORE: (voice over) For reasons never yet explained, Lockhart emerged from the passageway with his memories all but erased. One of the most celebrated wizards of our generation - the victim of dark magical forces all the more impressive and terrifying for their perpetrator's youth and inexperience. Had Lockhart simply learned too much? Was Potter afraid that his former mentor was going to "spill the beans?" After all, Lockhart was present when this astounding secret was unveiled.

Cut to the dueling club, as Harry hisses at the snake in Parseltongue to leave Justin alone. Cut to Ron pushing Harry into an armchair

= RON: You're a Parselmouth. Why didn't you tell us?

MOORE: (voice over) If this is what Potter's classmates were seeing, think how much more Lockhart, the man who traveled with trolls and who gadded with ghouls, would have discerned. No wonder he had to be silenced - for good.

Visual of Moore at St. Mungo's with Lockhart, grinning mindlessly

=MOORE: Sir, do you remember anything about Potter, anything that happened to you in the passageway, anything at all…..

=LOCKHART (waving into the camera with a goofy grin): We're doing autographs! They want loads of them, won't take no for an answer! I just hope we've got enough photographs.

=MOORE: (to the camera, sighing melodramatically): Gilderoy Lockhart - What a noble mind is here overthrown! This is the kind of thing that can happen to those who dare to cross Potter - and Lockhart, believe me, was one of the lucky one.

Cut to Dumbledore welcoming students at the start of term feast during Year Three

MOORE: (voice over) Dumbledore doesn't seem to have made any changes in his attitude toward Harry, despite having lost a Dark Arts Defense teacher. He continued to grant Potter unusual license - for example, although Third years were not allowed to go to Hogsmeade Village in the absence of his guardian's signed permission slip…

Visual of Harry window shopping at the candy store. Cut to visual of Harry terrorizing Malfoy under his Invisibility cloak.

MOORE: (voice over) …nevertheless, Potter is here to be found enjoying - and abusing - some recreational time in that quaint old town.

But most scandalous of all, Dumbledore permitted Potter to enter the TriWizard Tournament, when it was revived after a 150-year hiatus.

Visual of the Goblet ceremony. Dumbledore taking up the fourth scroll

= DUMBLEDORE: Harry Potter

Cut to visual of the other headmasters & Severus Snape vehemently protesting

MOORE: (voice over) In spite of the protests of the visiting schools and even some of his own faculty, Dumbledore ramrodded through an official approval of Potter's participation. Not only that - certain steps were taken to ensure that our 14-year-old genius would have a leg up on his more experienced 17-year-old competitors

Visual of Harry being taken to the dragon's compound by Hagrid, and seeing the four dragons - cut to visual of Moody telling Harry how to win.

= MOODY: My second piece of general advice is to use a nice, simple spell that will enable you to get what you need.

Cut to Harry rehearsing Accio spells with Hermione. Cut to Harry summoning his Firebolt to begin the First Task.

So you see that it was with the aid of two of Dumbledore's close associates - Care of Magic Creatures instructor Rebeus Hagrid and new Dark Arts Professor - Alastor Moody - Potter was given the inside track. As if that wasn't enough, tournament judge Ludo Bagman also offered his assistance.

= BAGMAN: Got a plan? Because I don't mind sharing a few pointers, if you'd like them, you know. I mean - you're the underdog here, Harry. . . . Anything I can do to help.

Cut to: Harry securing the Golden Egg on his broomstick. Cut to unrelated shots in quick succession: Hagrid laughing, Moody laughing, Bagman laughing, Harry laughing. Cue ominous music.

MOORE: (voice over) And the so grand fix was on - is it any wonder that Harry secured so easy a triumph? The other contestants must have wondered why they even bothered to enter.

Cut to other three contestants looking exhausted and discouraged. Cut to Harry sneaking down the steps with the egg

MOORE: (voice over) The same with the second task - Moody knew that Gillyweed, which would enable Potter to breathe underwater and secure the Task Two triumph, was available only in the Potion master's office. Of course, for a man such as Alastor Mad-Eye Moody - who delighted in casting unforgivable curses on malefactors and students alike - what's a minor act of breaking and entering to a man who routinely tortures and murders those who dare to cross his path?

Cut to Dobby delivering a heaping handful of Gillyweed to Harry on the morning of the Second Task.

MOORE: (voice over) For the third task, Potter again was provided with extra help

Cut to Harry studying in the library with Ron and Hermione

MOORE: (voice over) The third task was held the evening of June 24.

Visual of the four contestants entering the maze

MOORE: (voice over) Almost as soon as it began, Cedric was attacked by Viktor Krum with the Cruciatus Curse.

Visual of Cedric being Crucio'd by Krum in the maze

MOORE: (voice over) It was later claimed that Krum had been placed under Imperius Curse and forced to attack Diggory. But who? Who placed the curse on Viktor Krum?

Visual of Harry entering the scene of Cedric being Crucio'd by Krum

MOORE: (voice over) You know who again! Notice how swiftly Our Boy Who Lived enters the scene. Coincidence, right? Sure…Potter has never been charged with using an Unforgivable Curse - but does he know them? Yes! He learned their use under the guidance of his friend and ally Professor Moody, a man even his fellow Aurors thought to be a wee too trigger-happy.

Visual of Professor Moody using the Imperius on students. Cut to unrelated shot of Harry laughing. Cut to Moody performing the Crucio and AK on spiders. Cut to unrelated shot of Harry laughing. Cut to the Department of Mysteries - Harry fires at wand at a fleeing Bellatrix

= HARRY: Crucio!

MOORE: (voice over) Potter certainly showed himself to be an adept pupil.

Visual of Cedric approaching the TriWizard Cup, then turning aside.

MOORE: (voice over) When Cedric was within just a few feet of grabbing the Tri-Wizard cup, and all its glory, assuring himself of the victory, something - or someone made him stop. We already know that Krum was placed under Imperius - might the same spell have stopped Cedric from taking what was rightfully his? Those who know aren't talking.

And then we all know the upshot

Visual of Harry returning from the Third Task, clasping the corpse of Cedric

=HARRY: He's back. He's back. Voldemort.
=FUDGE: What's going on? What's happened? My God - Diggory! Dumbledore - he's dead!

MOORE: (voice over) The death of Cedric Diggory has never been adequately explained. Potter claims that he died at the hands of - get this - The Dark Lord, aka You-Know-Who. This alleged wizard of magical destruction, last sighted in 1981, continues to remain undetectable, however.

Visual of Mr. and Mrs. Diggory meeting with Harry, Mr. Diggory sobbing beyond control, Mrs. Diggory stoic with grief

MOORE: (voice over) And so he is dead. Cedric Diggory, near-victor in the TriWizard Tournament is dead. And for what? Who benefited? Who gained?

Cut to tight close-up of Amos Diggory sobbing

MOORE: (voice over) Why did Cedric - remembered by all as a decent, brave, kind lad - why did he have to die?

Visual of Fred and George Weasley distributing Skiving Snackboxes to a long line of eager students. Visual of students hurling and being excused from class. Cut to unrelated shot of Harry laughing. Visual of Fred & George displaying their invisibility hats. Cut to unrelated shot of Harry laughing.

MOORE: (voice over) Weasley's Wizard Wheezes. Like many ambitious young men raised to worship the ideals of commercial enterprise, Fred and George W. - twins from one of wizardry's purest if least prosperous families - harbored great ambitions of their own. They thought they could parlay their fondness for cruel and insensitive practical jokes into a corporate empire - but they lacked the necessary capital.

Cut to Fred and George unsuccessfully trying to get page the Age Restriction Line. Cut to Fred and George approaching Ludo Bagman at the Three Broomsticks - Ludo brushes them off

MOORE: (voice over) Unable to compete in the Tournament, their feeble attempts to blackmail former Quidditch star Ludo Bagman likewise came to nothing. So what were the two young impoverished young men to do?

Cut to Harry at Kings Cross Station with Fred and George

=HARRY: Take it….You take it, and get inventing. It's for the joke shop.
=GEORGE: There's got to be a thousand Galleons in here.
=HARRY: Just don't tell your mum where you got it.

MOORE: (voice over) Why, form an alliance with The Boy Who Lived, of course. Recall that the three of them have been in cahoots since Potter first entered Hogwarts.

Cut back to scene of Harry first meeting Fred and George at King's Cross.

MOORE: (voice over) With Cedric dead, Potter had the entire 1000 galleon prize to himself

Visual of Fudge tossing the prize money at Harry.

MOORE: (voice over) Not that he really needed it, of course. Potter's vast holdings at Gringott's have never been adequately tabulated.

Visual of Harry entering his parent's vault at Gringotts , with his lavish inheritance in full view

MOORE: (voice over) Nevertheless, the 1000 Galleon Prize - which was so nearly won by Cedric - was handed over by Potter in its entirety to his ambitious older friends. Potter went to unusual lengths to conceal his interests in Weasley's Wizard Wheezes. Even his "best friends" didn't know. If this was just an innocent investment in harmless practical jokes, what did Potter have to hide? And why did Cedric have to die for it?

Cut back to Moore

MOORE: (slurping on soft drink) But perhaps, you're thinking - what's the big deal? A couple of ambitious clever kids sell a few practical joke-related merchandise to other kids - where's the harm?

Cut to Cornelius Fudge trying Harry before the Wizengamot. Cut to Dolores Umbridge looking concerned and compassionate. Cut to Dumbledore defending Harry, looking smug and sanctimonious

MOORE: (voice over) When Minister of Magic Cornelius Fudge tried to put some long-overdue restrictions on Potter's unbridled shenanigans, Big Daddy Dumbledore got him off the hook again.

Cut to unrelated shot of Harry laughing

MOORE: (voice over) In doing so, Fudge put himself at the top of the Potter/Weasley Corporation hit list.

Cut to Dolores Umbridge speaking at the start-of-term feast.

MOORE: (voice over) Respected Ministry Undersecretary Dolores Umbridge was Fudge's choice to help bring a fresh breath of air to Hogwarts - to counteract the obsolete and discredited leadership of Dumbledore and open up the ancient institution to new ideas and new thinking. Naturally, the forces of reaction were determined to destroy her at all costs

A bulls-eye is superimposed on the image of Dolores Umbridge speaking

MOORE: (voice over) I spoke with Ms. Umbridge shortly after her forced departure from Hogwarts.

Cut to Moore seated at a table with Umbridge in a run-down restaurant

=MOORE: So tell me about your first class with Potter.

=UMBRIDGE: Hem, hem! Well, as you know, Mr. Moore, I was very dedicated to helping students learning to deal more effectively with the Dark Arts after years of mismanagement and improper teaching. As you know, I am a disciple of the great Wilbert Slinkhard and his defensive magical theories, and I wanted to help raise our students' consciousness that there didn't have to be all this fighting and violence and mayhem.

Cut to Umbridge leading her DADA class

== UMBRIDGE: Class, open your books to Chapter 34 - Non-Retaliation and Negotiation

Cut back to interview.

=MOORE: Sounds like quite a plan, Dolores. So what went wrong?

=UMBRIDGE: From the very first, young Mr. Potter wouldn't hear of a positive non-confrontational approach to Dark Arts. Hem! Hem! - Though I reminded him that nowhere were these Evil Wizards to be found, he insisted that the late Dark Lord was still lurking about. I tried to reason with the boy, but he could not be dissuaded from engaging in these horrible attention-seeking outbursts.

Cut to Umbridge leading her DADA class

== UMBRIDGE: Who do you imagine wants to attack children like yourselves?
== HARRY: Hmm, let's think…Maybe… Lord Voldemort?

Cut to reaction shots of other students gasping, flinching, screaming, etc. Cut back to interview

=MOORE: How did you address this very serious breach of discipline?

=UMBRIDGE: I gave Potter detention, which was the approved procedure.

=MOORE: And in this detention, he was required to…..?

=UMBRIDGE: Write lines - he had to write, "I will not tell lies." Maybe 100, 200 times per detention.

=MOORE: And that was it?

=UMBRIDGE: That was - hem! hem! it.

=MOORE: Potter later told his allies that you had inflicted something much worse on him, something almost too horrible to describe

=UMBRIDGE: Did he? Poor misguided lad. He has such trouble - hem! hem! - with the truth.

=MOORE: Do you wish you had dealt with things differently now? Perhaps a somewhat harsher (though still humane, of course) consequence?

=UMBRIDGE: Being an innately gentle person, I perhaps treated Potter too tenderly. I naïvely thought him misguided, not as someone corrupted beyond measure.

=FEMALE VOICE (off-camera) Hey, Umbridge, tables 13 and 14 need to be bussed pronto!

=UMBRIDGE: I have to go now.

=MOORE: Thank you, Ms. Umbridge

=UMBRIDGE: Thank you, Mr. Moore.

Camera pans back to reveal that Umbridge now is bussing tables at Gertie's Greasy Spoon in Holyhead. Cut back to studio set

MOORE: Alas! The reform-minded educational decrees of our idealistic head-in-the-clouds Dolores Umbridge are about to collide with the commercial decrees of Potter-Weasley Inc.- take no prisoners , greed is good, the almighty Galleon above all.

Visual of Fred, George and Harry fighting (or being restrained from fighting) at the Year Five

MOORE: (voice over) When Dolores made the very reasonable move of prohibiting the Weasley twins and Potter from further participation in Quidditch matches due to their chronic brawling, the Trio decided to target her for elimination.

Visual of Harry leading the Dumbledore Army with Fred & George much in evidence

MOORE: (voice over) In complete violation of long-standing Hogwarts policy, Potter, with the support of the Weasleys began training his own private army - Dumbledore's Army as it was called - to serve as a strike force against their opponent. No negotiation and non-retaliation for these kids.

Visual of Parvati reducing a desk to ashes. Cut to Filch intercepting an owl

MOORE: (voice over) When caretaker Argus Filch, one of Umbridge's few allies, was on the verge of shutting off the supply of dungbombs the Weasleys were forever smuggling in and out of the school, threatening the profits of our entrepreneurial men of genius, the Dumbledore Army decided to strike.

Visual of twins unleashing their fireworks. Visual of Dumbledore abandoning his office in the face of Fudge and Umbridge. Cut back to the fireworks.

MOORE: (voice over) After revelations concerning Dumbledore's paramilitary activities came to light, he absconded rather than face trial. Knowing it would be a thankless task at best, Dolores stepped up to fill in as Hogwarts Headmaster. Almost immediately, the Weasley twins, with Potter's full backing, began to sabotage the new administration through the use of Portable Swamps, pyrotechnic extravaganzas, and countless other acts of defiance both large and small. Let the counter-revolution begin!

Visual of Umbridge confronting the twins

=UMBRIDGE: You think it amusing to turn a school corridor into a swamp, do you?
=FRED: Pretty amusing, yeah - I think we've outgrown full-time education
=GEORGE: Yeah, I've been feeling that way myself.
=FRED: Time to test our talents in the real world, d'you reckon?
=BOTH: Accio brooms!

Visual of the twins preparing to soar off on their broomsticks

MOORE: And to underline what this was all about - for those too dense to have grasped it - the twins spell it all out very clearly.

=FRED: If anyone fancies buying a Portable Swamp, as demonstrated upstairs, come to number ninety-three, Diagon Alley - Weasleys' Wizarding Wheezes, our new premises!

=GEORGE (pointing at Umbridge): Special discounts to Hogwarts students who swear they're going to use our products to get rid of this old bat.

=FRED: Give her hell from us, Peeves

MOORE: As a result of this highly clever advertising stunt, Hogwarts became ungovernable. With a flood of Weasley products, it became impossible to educate and instruct the students. The sole purpose of Hogwarts, Potter/Weasley Inc., believes is to assemble large numbers of avid consumers in a single location to simply distribution and maximize profits.

Cut to Dolores' exit from Hogwarts, pursued by Peeves

MOORE: (voice over) And were the Potter/Weasley axis magnanimous in victory? Seeing is believing, folks! The camera never lies! - Now, let's look at another Potter "mentor" - the most unlikely of all….

Cut to a "wanted" poster of Sirius Black

MOORE: (voice over) Sirius Black. Unlike the Dark Lord, a very real presence. The so-called heir of You-Know-Who. He allegedly betrayed Potter's parents to the late Dark Lord, and murdered his erstwhile friend (along with a few Muggles) in his escape attempt

Cut to scene on London street, 1981, when Peter "confronts" Sirius

=PETER: Sirius, how could you?

Cut to explosion, panic, confusion, mangled bodies everywhere, the Department of Magical Catastrophes arriving to take Black into custody, Black laughing.

MOORE: (voice over) For 12 years Black festered in Azkaban. But oddly enough, he seemed to be unaffected by the dementors. Then he escaped. The first man to ever escape the high-security wizard prison. The story given out by the Ministry was that he was after our Harry. Security was tightened. Code Red, indeed. Dementors called in to glide the streets of Hogsmeade. Scary times, huh?

Cut to montage of scenes displaying Year Three security concerns. Students leaving for Hogsmeade going through dementor inspection, dementors gliding through the perimeters of Hogwarts, signs in the streets of Hogsmeade, etc.

MOORE: (voice over) All of this alarm over Homeland See-curity doesn't seem to have affected one young man, however. Nor his other "mentor."

Cut to Lupin teaching Dark Arts Defense

MOORE: (voice over) Apparently, heightened security for the likes of Albus Dumbledore doesn't mean screening out werewolves. Yes, Professor Remus John Lupin, Professor of Defense Against the Dark Arts, was a registered werewolf, officially classified as a Dark Creature. He took an inordinate fondness for Potter, however, and individually tutored him in advanced dark magic.

Cut to Lupin transforming to a wolf. Cut to Lupin teaching Harry the Patronus Charm

MOORE: (voice over) Here, we see Potter learning the Patronus Charm, enabling him to attack agents of the Ministry's Law Enforcement. Now, no doubt, you'll say, there are some good werewolves, who can successfully manage their affliction.

Cut to Lupin embracing Black in the Shrieking Shack

MOORE: (voice over) But - wait - what can this be? A Defense Against Dark Arts professor making common cause with a declared enemy of both Potter and the Ministry?

Cut to the Marauders in the 70s strolling through Hogwarts - James, Peter, Sirius and Lupin - end with a freeze frame

MOORE: (voice over) That's right - Black and Lupin were part of what had been a tight little clique - a little clique that the two of them decided to make even tighter by murdering first James....

Slash mark appears over James' freeze-framed image
MOORE: (voice over) And then Peter.

A second slash mark appears over Peter's freeze-framed image

MOORE: (voice over) Just imagine Lupin's delight when his old friend came back to him. Touching, no?

Replay Lupin embracing Black in the Shrieking Shack

MOORE: (voice over) But when Lupin - still deeply attached to his wolfish ways of old - was unable to arrange his old buddy's escape -

Cut to shot of the full moon, Lupin transforming

MOORE: (voice over) Who stepped up to the plate? Who stopped the Ministry's recognized agents?

Cut to Harry casting out the dementors with the Patronus Charm

MOORE: (voice over) Surely you weren't surprised. As we all know, Black mysteriously vanished when about to undergo the Dementors' Kiss. Vanished from Hogwarts' most secure tower. Who set free the murderer of James Potter, Lily Potter & Peter Pettigrew? Who liberated the Heir of the Dark Lord?

Cut to Harry and Hermione flying up to the North Tower atop Buckbeak.

= HARRY: Get on -- there's not much time. You've got to get out of here -the dementors are coming -- Macnair's gone to get them.
= BLACK: We'll see each other again

Cut to Harry and Hermione waving goodbye to Sirius as he soars off

MOORE: (voice over) Parenthetically, I should add that the hippogriff was a highly vicious brute, one scheduled for execution the same day as Black.

Cut to Buckbeak slashing Draco, blood flowing everywhere. Cut to Harry flying Buckbeak for the first time.

MOORE: (voice over) The beast was vicious and savage, a potential killer - but it did seem to like our boy Potter well enough - So, our Boy Who Lived, whose parents Did Not Live thanks to Black's treachery, is willing to let bygones be bygones. How touching. What explains this great outburst of mercy and charity? Well, folks, I hate to sound cynical, but let's follow the money - the Potter/Weasley Corporation money, that is.

Cut to 12 Grimmauld Place - a montage of scenes emphasizing the Dark Arts nature of the house -the screaming portraits, severed elf-heads, etc.

MOORE: (voice over) As the sole surviving heir of the Black family, Black was the owner of a magnificent if rather dilapidated mansion at 12 Grimmauld Place. Potter wanted access to just such a location for two reasons: for a base of operations for the subversive New Phoenix Order first organized by his mentor Dumbledore. You'll note that the décor is not quite in keeping with the image that Dumbledore and Potter would like you to associate with them.

Cut to a meeting of the OOP, with Molly, Arthur, Moody, Podmore, Tonks, Shacklebolt, Lupin, etc. in attendance

MOORE: (voice over) Second, and just as important, the Weasleys accurately surmised that the mansion, abandoned for so many years, would prove a priceless treasure trove of toxic creatures and Dark Arts paraphernalia, giving their new enterprise a leg up on the competition.

Montage of the evil music box, the empty robe attacking Ron, the doxies and boggarts doing their thing. Cut to Fred and George collecting doxies. Cut to Fred and George testing their Skiving Snackboxes on the first-year volunteers.

MOORE: (voice over) Without the slightest concern over how toxic Doxie venom might harm young children, the Weasley twins turned Gryffindor into a lab filled with guinea pigs so as to - shall we say, refine their product.

Montage of students hurling after eating from the Snackbox

MOORE: (voice over) This item seems very popular, doesn't it, despite the nausea it provoked, no doubt to due to some highly addictive magical compounds bought to you courtesy of Fred and George W.

Cut back to Moore, who holds up a Snackbox before the camera

MOORE: No warning label, either, you'll note.

Cut to Sirius and Harry exchanging words at the end of Book Five Chap. 14 - no sound, but you can see that Sirius looks angry

MOORE: (voice over) But there was apparently some falling out between Black and Potter as the year progressed. No doubt, Black was demanding a larger slice of the pie. Since he already had access to the mansion, Potter had no further use for Black. It was time for him to go.

Cut to Harry and the DA entering the Department of Mysteries

MOORE: (voice over) Potter, accompanied by several associates from his own private army, broke into the Department of Mysteries, doing serious damage once inside.

Cut to the DA Six shattering row after row of the glass spheres

MOORE: (voice over) Black, alerted as to Potter's whereabouts, was ordered by Dumbledore (now in hiding) to bring him back before the Ministry authorities could intervened. However, Black, courtesy of the werewolf Lupin, was about to be - blacked-out - for good.

Cut to shot of Lupin looking crafty - cut to shot of Harry raising and firing his wand - cut to shot of Black being hit by a jet of light, knocking him through the veil.

= LUPIN: He's gone.

Cut to unrelated reaction shot of Harry looking triumphant.

MOORE: (voice over) This is why Sirius Black had to die.

Cut to Weasley twins selling their Invisibility Hats - cut to Sirius being blasted through the Veil - cut to montage of students hurling after eating out of the Skiving Snackbox - cut to Cedric Diggory's corpse being returned to Hogwarts at the end of the Third Task - cut to Fred and George creating the Portable Swamp, igniting the fireworks - cut to Umbridge fleeing Hogwarts as Peeves bashes her - cut to Fred and George at King Cross warmly greeting Harry

=FRED: Finest dragonskin, little bro' - Business is booming and we thought we'd treat ourselves.

MOORE: (voice over) This is why Cedric Diggory had to die. That's why Dolores Umbridge had to go. That's why the criminal Sirius Black was double-crossed. So Fred Weasley could dress in dragonskin.

Cut to Vlad. T. Moore approaching the tomb of Cedric Diggory and laying a little plastic Hogwarts flower on it. Moore addresses the camera again

MOORE: So - how much freedom truly remains in the Wizarding World today? Are we merely pawns in the hands of giant corporate forces beyond our control? Manipulated by their every whim? Perhaps not - yet.

Cut to Harry on the rampage in Dumbledore's office. Cut to unrelated shot of Dumbledore looking old and weary. Cut to Harry leaving Dumbledore's office in a depressed state.

MOORE: (voice over) Incredible though it may sound, Potter somehow transformed himself into a serpent to attack Arthur Weasley, as a warning to the twins to stay in line - or else.

Cut to Harry in Dumbeldore's office

=HARRY: I was the snake - I saw it all from the snake's point of view

Cut to the Harry/Voldy-Snake striking Arthur repeatedly. Cut back to his rampage in Dumbledore's office.

MOORE: Now, it seems there is a power struggle between Potter and Dumbledore going on. No matter who the ultimate winner, the ultimate loser will be us - unless we act now!

Cut to Moore in the studio

MOORE: Here, then, in their friction and discord is our great opportunity. We can seize the moment! Don't let yourself be manipulated by those who would use fear of imaginary enemies as a means of dividing and conquering us! Down with the lies of the Boy Who Lived! Down with the corrupt Hogwarts regime of Dumbledore, its obsolete ideas and the greedy Galleon-hungry blood-suckers it spawns! Let us join together to declare that we want the Wizarding World to be the Wizarding World again. Let us unite our voices in the spirit of true magic to demand a new leadership that will deliver us from the thrall of ---

Moore starts to sip from his soft-drink cup - discovers it empty.

MOORE: (waving the cup around anxiously): Uh- I need this filled.

No response

MOORE: (near hysteria): I need this filled NOW goddam it, Now - Avery- where the goddam hell is Avery!!??

Avery rushes in with a big pitcher

AVERY: Here, boss, here you go--

Avery trips and falls, spilling the contents of the pitcher in its entirety

MOORE (hysterical): Kill the camera! Kill the camera! The transformation is starting - kill the son of a bitchin' camer-

Too late - the Polyjuice wears off, and Vlad D. Moore is transformed back into Lord Voldemort, in a state of high dudgeon.

VOLDEMORT (screaming, taking his wand out): Kill the camera! Kill the camera! Now!

VOICE OFF-CAMERA: Too late, sir! This is all going out live…

VOLDEMORT (apoplectic with rage): It's going out live? It's going out live? You're not going out live, you son of a bitch! Avada Kedavra!
Voldemort fires his wand into the screen - a blinding flash of green, followed by a screen going blank.

Fahrenheit 10/31: The Musical

Return Home