* = post-OOP
** = post-HBP
Old Time Swish 'n' Flick Copyright 2001 by Deanna Rubin; Can't Reach This (The Song of Flitwick) Copyright 2002 by Annie Llewellyn; Ac-cent-tchu-ate Wing-gar-dium Copyright 2002 by Gail; Height Three Foot Ten Copyright 2003 by Caius Marcius; Flitwick is Just Four Feet Tall Copyright 2003 by Iggy McSnurd; Spells Copyright 2006 by Alessandra C.
A filk by Deanna Rubin to the tune of Old Time Rock 'n' Roll by Bob Seger
FLITWICK
Just take those old spellbooks off the shelf
I'll sit and try them all out for myself
Today's magic ain't got the same kick
I like that old time swish 'n' flick
Don't try to wave your wand around so wild
You'll just be smokin' like that Finnegan child
These kids at Hogwarts sure can be really thick,
Just teach them old time swish 'n' flick
Still like that old time swish 'n' flick
That sort of motion just does the trick
It makes your wand more than a magic stick
With that old time swish 'n' flick
Won't go to see a Quidditch game match
It's hard to follow 'cause they fly so darn fast,
I watch them loop around, it makes me feel sick
I'd rather do that ol' swish 'n' flick
Call me old-fashioned, or a mean old troll
To be a wizard you have got to learn control
You'll make a feather fly, or even a brick
Just do that old time swish 'n' flick
Still like that old time swish 'n' flick
That sort of motion just does the trick
It makes your wand more than a magic stick
With that old time swish 'n' flick
A filk by Annie Llewellyn to the tune of Can't Touch This by MC Hammer
FLITWICK
I-I-I-I I am, so short,
Can't reach anything in Hogwarts.
The faculty says it,
They all agree...I'm a midget.
I'm short,
And that's no lie,
I'm so short it makes me cry.
People tell me, my dad's a dwarf,
And that's the reason why, uh, I'm so short.
Help me...can't reach this.
Get that book please...can't reach this.
Someone help me...can't reach this.
Please get my stool...can't reach this.
Lee Jordan, comes in,
And accidently kicks me in the chin
It's hard to live like this,
I was 34 when I got my first kiss.
I need, a stool to reach,
the book on the shelf that I need to teach.
That Potter...helps me,
Sometimes he lets me stand on his knee.
That's cool as a green, hairy wart,
But it helps me 'cause, uh, I'm so short.
I've asked more than once...can't reach this.
I'll ask a teacher then...can't reach this.
Don't make me do it myself...can't reach this.
Bein', this short,
Makes all the students laugh and snort.
They all, snicker,
That Parvati Patil, I'd like to kick 'er.
Professor Snape, thinks I,
Am so short I ought to die.
Can't stand, Malfoy,
"I stepped on you by accident" is not a good ploy.
And Dumbledore, knows that,
I am the only teacher that's phat.
Stop! Charms time!
Tons of kids pile in
And I'm only tall enough to see their shins.
Or those Weasleys,
With all their red hair,
Come in with their jokes and give a good scare.
Or that Granger, with her books,
About vampires and Lockhart's looks.
It's weird the way she reads,
I really wonder what she sees
Help me up please...can't reach this
Get that now...can't reach this.
I can't reach this now I can't...Can't reach this.
A filk by Gail to the tune of Ac-cent-tchu-ate the Positive, popularized by Bing Crosby
FLITWICK
You've got to ac-cent-tchu-ate Wing-gar-dium
And say Levi-o-sa, then
Point the wand at the item and
Mind you the simple swish and flick
You've got to pro-nounce the words my students
That's the special ingredient
Careful, or an accident
Li'ble to happen with magic
To illustrate what I've just said:
Wizard Baruffio
Said "s" instead of "f"
What did he do
When a buffalo appeared on his chest?
"Man," he said
"I should now ac-cent-tchu-ate Wing-gar-dium
And say Levi-o-sa, then
Point the wand at the item and
Minding the simple swish and flick"
Oh, yes, mind you the simple swish and flick
Oh, gather 'round me students and I will a-teach
About Wingardium Leviosa and the art of making things levitate
Gather 'round me students if you're prudent and have no qualms
While I start reviewing this issue of a-doing charms
(Repeat)
To the tune of Dance Ten Looks Three - aka Tits and Ass - from A Chorus Line
THE SCENE: FILIUS FLITWICK is lecturing his Charms class. During the song, he charms various classroom items to dance with the music.
FLITWICK
Height Three Foot Ten
Got an underactive thyroid,
But I'm so artfully employed
This is it, kids! This is it, kids!
Height Three Foot Ten
Though rather wee
I'm no giant, but I'm reliant
On magic steroids like these….
Swish and flick
Grab yourself a fancy wand
Know the charms that correspond
Turn the wrist with it
I'll assist with it
Swish and flick!
Used my Cheering Charm today.
Suddenly you're breaking
Out in smiles!
Swish and flick will cast a spell
In bang-up style!
You will get your act together
Once you learn to float a feather
Do it shortly
I will get these lessons hummin',
How to banish and to summon.
This is it, kids! This is it, kids!
At Hogwarts, we
Do more than brews
Though on books I stand I've at my command
Spells you must learn to use
How?
Swish and flick
Fruit once made a boring stance
You will teach it how to dance
Cherry syrup, hey!
Now we'll gear up, hey!
Shake your stick!
Say the word Wingardium.
Emphasize in Leviosa "s"!
Swish and flick with either wrist,
And great finesse!
It will be fun!
Use the Latin words.
Float a toad, c'mon
With the wizard from
Ravenclaw and its bird.
For swish and flick,
See ya here same time each week
As you'll hear me squeal and squeak
And with charm you can
Disarm any man
OWLS and NEWTS, you shall neither of them fail,
Graduation will not be delayed
Swish and flick, with swish and flick
You'll make the grade!
A filk by Iggy McSnurd to the tune of I Got My Mind Set On You! by George Harrison
Flitwick is just four feet tall!
Flitwick is just four feet tall!
Flitwick is just four feet tall!
Flitwick is just four feet tall!
But he's a good teacher,
He's such a good charms teacher.
I haven't seen a better teacher
For teaching charms, child.
He spends a lot of time
A whole lot of quality time
He gives a whole lot of patience and time
To do it, to do it, to do it, to do it, to do it,
To teach it right!
Flitwick is just four feet tall!
Flitwick is just four feet tall!
Flitwick is just four feet tall!
Flitwick is just four feet tall!
And his height doesn't matter
When he teaches a spell
I know if I put my mind to it
I can learn any of his spells.
Flitwick is just four feet tall!
Flitwick is just four feet tall!
Flitwick is just four feet tall!
Flitwick is just four feet tall!
But he's a good teacher,
He's such a good charms teacher.
I haven't seen a better teacher
For teaching charms, child.
He spends a lot of time
A whole lot of quality time
He gives a whole lot of patience and time
To do it, to do it, to do it, to do it, to do it,
To teach it right!
A filk by Alessandra C. to the tune of Words as sung by Boyzone
FLITWICK:
Spells, and every kind of spells
An Accio brings things near to you
Don't let a Cheering Charm go wrong
Or that would bring a tear to you
These spells are full of glory
Let's try this new incantation now, my class
Just think that you must really mean
Each single word you're saying
It's only spells,
And charms are all you have
To practice every day
Say the very precise words
And waving wands like this, will do
And I will give you all good marks
Come to my office if you need
These spells are full of glory
Let's try this new incantation now, my class
Just think that you must really mean
Each single word you're saying
It's only spells,
And charms are all you have
To practice every day.