To the tune of A Little Help From My Friends
Bellatrix Lestrange sings a song about her favourite past-time: torture!
BELLATRIX:
What would I do if got sent to jail
And I rotted there in Azkaban?
Lend me your ears and I'll sing you a song
And if you live, you're one lucky man.
Oh! I get by with a little yelp from my foes.
Oh! I get high on those sweet Crucios.
Mmm! Gonna try torturing average Joes.
What do I do when I get kind of bored?
DEATH EATERS:
Do you like to hear your victims moan?
BELLATRIX:
How do I feel when not with the Dark Lord?
DEATH EATERS:
Do you still kill when you're all alone?
BELLATRIX:
YES! I get by with a little yelp from my foes.
Oh! I get high on those sweet Crucios.
Mmm! Gonna try torturing average Joes.
DEATH EATERS:
Do you need anybody?
BELLATRIX:
For dueling? Someone who's worse!
DEATH EATERS:
Could it be anybody?
BELLATRIX:
I just need someone to curse.
DEATH EATERS:
Aren't you aware that, uh, you've gone insane?
BELLATRIX:
Yes, I know, but I don't really care.
DEATH EATERS:
Just what goes on inside that twisted brain?
BELLATRIX:
I'm about to tell you-best beware!
Oh! I get by with a little yelp from my foes.
Oh! I get high on those sweet Crucios.
Mmm! Gonna try torturing average Joes.
DEATH EATERS:
Do you need anybody?
BELLATRIX:
For dueling? Someone who's worse!
DEATH EATERS:
Could it be anybody?
BELLATRIX:
I just need someone to curse.
Oh! I get by with a little yelp from my foes.
Oh! I get high on those sweet Crucios.
Mmm! Gonna try torturing average Joes.
Yes, I get by with a little yelp from my foes
With a little yelp from my foes!
Potter's Gonna Die In Time, Man
To the tune of Lucy In The Sky With Diamonds
Voldemort sings about how upsetting it is that Harry Potter always gets away, while his Death Eaters encourage him that one day he'll get him.
VOLDEMORT:
Avada Kedavras in blazing bright green
DEATH EATERS:
VOLDEMORT:
Later, you get Crouch Junior and your man Wormtail
DEATH EATERS:
VOLDEMORT:
DEATH EATERS:
Not Much Better
To the tune of Getting Better All The Time
Wormtail sings about how being a Death Eater isn't all it's cracked up to be.
WORMTAIL: (and DEATH EATERS in italicized parentheses)
But I've got to admit, it's not much better (Better)
I wasn't as good as my friends
I've got to admit, it's not much better (Better)
I used to be small and pathetic
SNAPE: (spoken)
WORMTAIL: (spoken)
(Sung) I've got to admit, it's not much better (Better)
Splitting My Soul
To the tune of Fixing a Hole
Voldemort's song about Horcruxes
VOLDEMORT:
I'm making up Horcruxes from my old junk.
I'm splitting my soul and I'm hiding the chunks
And it really doesn't matter
I'm taking a ring and cup and more things
I'm splitting my soul into seven small chunks
I'm splitting my soul into seven small chunks
She's Begging Snape
To the tune of She's Leaving Home
Snape sings about the events of "Spinner's End," Chapter Two of HBP.
SNAPE:
Wednesday evening at five o'clock as the day winds down.
DEATH EATERS (and NARCISSA in italicized parentheses):
SNAPE:
DEATH EATERS (and NARCISSA in italicized parentheses):
SNAPE:
DEATH EATERS (and NARCISSA in italicized parentheses):
Being For The Benefit of Voldemort
To the tune of Being For The Benefit of Mr. Kite
The Death Eaters advertise Voldemort's re-birth-day party in GOF
DEATH EATERS:
The Death Eaters will all be there
With flesh and bone and blood of Potter's
This wonderful dark lord of ours
The Death Eaters will dance and sing
Messr. Wormtail does assure the public
It all begins at ten to eight
You'll know when it's going to begin
Having been some months in preparation
Within You, My Presence
To the tune of Within You, Without You
Voldemort sings about the way he controls Harry through his dreams in OotP
VOLDEMORT:
You won't realize it's me inside your head.
You were dreaming about my evil laugh so cold
You won't realize it's me inside your head.
When I'm In Azkaban
To the tune of When I'm Sixty-Four
I've always imagined Lucius and Narcissa Malfoy to be very romantic. Here is Lucius assuring his wife that although in jail, he's still a stud.
LUCIUS:
Wrote to Bella, too.
I'm still the richest fellow around
How is Draco doing, is he working for Lord Voldemort now?
Send me a postcard, drop me a line
Love That Rita
To the tune of Lovely Rita
Voldemort approves of the news stories Rita Skeeter wrote about Harry in GOF.
VOLDEMORT:
Love that Rita Skeeter dame
Watch her turn into a fly now,
Love that Rita Skeeter dame
Avada Kedavra
To the tune of Good Morning
A song celebrating the Avada Kedavra curse.
DEATH EATERS:
Nothing to do to save his life-call his wife in.
Spell loved by jerks, it always works, never fails now.
After awhile you start to smile, now you feel cool.
People running around, they're getting scared.
Somebody needs to take control, glad that I'm here.
Avada Kedavra, ah!
Dark Lord Voldy's Shattered Soul Club Band (Reprise)
The Death Eaters close their show and prepare to leave so Voldemort can kill Harry.
DEATH EATERS:
VOLDEMORT: (spoken)
DEATH EATERS:
Epilogue
To the tune of A Day In The Life
The next day, after the concert, the Death Eaters learn that instead of Voldemort killing Harry, Harry defeated Voldemort. Needless to say, they are worried about their own safety.
DEATH EATERS:
I got an owl today, oh boy
VOLDEMORT'S VOICE OVER:
DEATH EATERS:
Picture yourself thinking you're really something,
You always succeed every time that you try.
Then comes the day when you meet a small child
And what do you know, he refuses to die?
Should have left that rotter dead!
But Potter's unscathed except for a scar on his head!
Potter's gonna die in time, man!
Potter's gonna die in time, man!
Potter's gonna die in time, man!
Ahhhh…
It's ten years later, you plot and conspire
You're stuck to the back of that Quirrell bloke's head.
You think you've got it made, stealing the stone
But you fail, Quirrell dies, and still Potter's not dead!
You know they'll take Potter's life!
Potter is cornered, he's there in the graveyard…
No dice!
Potter's gonna die in time, man!
Potter's gonna die in time, man!
Potter's gonna die in time, man!
Ahhhh…
Picture yourself putting dreams in the boy's head
You get him where you want, then surprise, surprise!
Potter escapes and my servants are caught
And nobody but Sirius Black even dies!
Potter's gonna die in time, man!
Potter's gonna die in time, man!
Potter's gonna die in time, man!
Ahhhh…
Potter's gonna die in time, man!
Potter's gonna die in time, man!
Potter's gonna die in time, man!
Ahhhh…
Potter's gonna die in time, man!
Potter's gonna die in time, man!
Potter's gonna die in time, man!
Ahhhh… (fade out)
I'm not really that fond of crime…
I used to feel bad back in school. (Man, we can relate)
I just wasn't handsome or cool. (Yeah, we can relate)
Kids pulled me down (Ooh)
Pushed me around (Aah)
I didn't like being the fool. (What a fool…)
I don't prefer this life of crime. (In fact, it's a lot worse)
I have to admit, it's not much better (Better)
But I'm stuck with it, this life of mine.
It's my fault they met their sad ends.
And with Voldemort, I still feel dumb and short
And I grovel with his other men.
I don't prefer this life of crime. (In fact, it's a lot worse)
I have to admit, it's not much better (Better)
But I'm stuck with it, this life of mine.
I'm not really all that fond of crime
It's still no better after all this time.
Not much, not much better.
It's still no better after all this time.
I never would speak up or do anything that I loved.
I know it's strange, but that still hasn't changed
Now that I'm serving this evil man.
That, uh, didn't rhyme.
Take it up with the Beatles. That verse didn't rhyme in the original song, either
I don't prefer this life of crime. (In fact, it's a lot worse)
I have to admit, it's not much better (Better)
But I'm stuck with it, this life of mine.
I'm not really all that fond of crime
It's still no better after all this time.
Not much, not much better.
It's still no better after all this time.
Not much, not much better.
I'm not really all that fond of crime.
I'm splitting my soul into seven small chunks
To stop my life from ending.
I'm immortal…
To stop my life from ending.
I'm immortal…
And it really doesn't matter
If I lose my nose
Why do I want one of those?
If my eyes turn red.
If my skin is ghostly white
And I look like a snake, all right.
It's better, dear, than ending up dead.
To keep my life from ending.
I'm immortal…
Ooh ooh ooh ah ah
Hey, hey, hey, hey.
If I lose my nose
Why do I want one of those?
If my eyes turn red.
If my skin is ghostly white
And I look like a snake, all right.
It's better, dear, than ending up dead.
To keep my life from ending.
I'm immortal…
Ooh ooh ooh ah ah
Hey, hey, hey, hey.
To stop my life from ending.
I'm immortal…
I'm immortal…
To stop my life from ending.
I'm immortal… (Fade out)
Silently Apparating near my door
Face says a lot but her actions say more
She walks down through Spinner's End while clutching her wand in hand.
Knocking the door, every knock a plea
She steps inside and begs me.
She (Gave Draco most of my life)
Is begging (Sacrificed most of my life)
Snape (I gave him everything money could buy.)
She's begging Snape to help Draco escape
From Lord Voldemort (Please try)
Lucius sits in jail, Draco sits at home unaware.
Bellatrix plays an unhelpful role
No wonder that Cissy loses control
She breaks down and clutches my robes and cries, "Will you make a vow?"
Bellatrix scoffs, but I still agree.
Now…what's going to happen to me?
She (Draco's young, he has no clue)
Is begging (Only one I trust is you)
Snape (Do it if he can't, or help him get by.)
She's begging Snape to help Draco escape
From Lord Voldemort (Please try)
Friday morning, Narcissa's lying at home in bed.
Wearing a dressing gown, eating bon-bons
My life now stinks, so her worry's gone.
She (Now Snape is having an awful day)
Is laughing (But Draco's not, and so that's okay)
Now (Draco won't have to be breaking the law.)
She's laughing now, because Snape knows how
To save Cissy's son (Ha ha)
She's laughing now, ha ha!
For the benefit of Voldemort
Tonight there'll be a show of sorts-
Necromancy.
We'll give that Potter boy a scare
So come and see.
He'll be there thanks to the Goblet of Fire
In this way, Voldy today will conquer the world!
Will leave the boy with more than scars
This time around!
And Voldemort will be the king,
No more underground!
Voldemort will come to power again.
And his reign of terror once more will begin!
And there's no way that you'll be late
'Cos after all
The Dark Mark burned into your skin
Will make the call.
Absolute success is guaranteed.
Lord Voldemort will rise again, indeed!
You were dreaming about that smooth glass ball.
Many like it on that dark wall in the Ministry.
But when you got there, it was far too late, Black had met his fate.
You were dreaming about a giant snake
You found Arthur, you did your best to murder him with your fangs.
I could make you destroy your friends, and you'll never know.
Stealing your dreams, weaving mine instead.
I will lure you away until you're dead.
My life flows on, within you, my presence.
And my longing to gain the world and lose my soul
Your friends don't know, they can't see that you're one with me.
Stealing your dreams, weaving mine instead.
I will lure you away until you're dead.
My life flows on, within you, my presence.
Narcissa, well, I'm writing from jail
And I'm wondering
Will you still be sending me a valentine
Birthday greetings, bottle of wine?
Though I'm no longer Fudge's best friend
Am I still your man?
Am I your honey, as dear as money
Here in Azkaban?
I might take up and live with her
If I don't hear from you!
Even in the pen.
Please don't go around acting like I've died
Don't spend your time with other men.
Maybe I've gotten scraggly and thin
Maybe I've grown pale.
But I'll grow tanner back at the manor
When I'm out of jail.
Tell him not to die.
But if he does, then we'll
Make more heirs, you and I.
Stating points of view
Indicate precisely what you mean to say
Yours in prison, wasting away
Give me your answer, fill in a form
Send your man some mail
Love me for my brain, or for my snake cane
Though I'm stuck in jail!
Aaaaah!
Love that Rita Skeeter dame
Love that Rita Skeeter dame
Love that Rita Skeeter dame,
Slandering Harry Potter!
No one will trust that fussed-about boy now.
Ask me or any Death Eater
What we think of Rita Skeeter
Filling in a parchment with her poison green quill!
Our opinion, well oh well,
We think Rita Skeeter's swell
Best to weaken Potter before we kill.
May I enquire discreetly
When you are free to join my ranks? Teehee…
(Rita Skeeter dame, ahhh)
Rita!
Laughed so much, though I would die now
Even though I'm immortal, of course.
Got the paper, Potter made it.
I'd give it an O, if I could grade it.
Potter's reputation couldn't be worse.
Where would we be without you?
Write us a nasty article again! (With your lovely quick-quotes pen.)
Love that Rita Skeeeter dame, Love that Rita Skeeeter dame
Love that Rita Skeeeter dame, Love that Rita Skeeeter dame…
Avada Kedavra
Avada Kedavra
Avada.
Nothing to say, he'll die today-how's his life been?
If you wanna kill, just use this spell
I've got nothing to say but this-A.K.!
Avada Kedavra
Avada.
Two little words, kill men, fish, birds, even whales now.
Everybody knows it's nothing doing.
Victim's bodies collapse like a ruin.
Send them into eternal sleep
Then just go your way on down the street
Twirling your wand, suave as James Bond, killing old-school.
Nothing is changed, it's still the same
I've got nothing to say but this-A.K.!
Avada Kedavra
Avada.
You've got out your wand, they've got no prayer.
Everyone you see losing their life.
Take a break for tea and meet the wife.
Putting those Muggles back in place, now you're in gear.
Put on a show, watch those spells go
I've got nothing to say but this-A.K.!
Avada Kedavra, ah!
Avada Kedavra, ah!
Avada Kedavra, ah!
Avada Kedavra, ah!
Avada Kedavra, ah!
Avada Kedavra, ah!
Avada Kedavra, ah!
Avada Kedavra, ah!
Avada Kedavra, ah!
(1, 2, 3, 4, Die!)
It's Dark Lord Voldy's Shattered Soul Club Band
We hope you have enjoyed the show.
Dark Lord Voldy's Shattered Soul Club Band
We're sorry, but it's time to go.
Dark Lord Voldy's Shattered, Dark Lord Voldy's Shattered
Dark Lord Voldy's Shattered Soul Club Band.
We've come to kill you once again
And this time, I SWEAR we'll do it, Potter!
Dark Lord Voldy's one and only Shattered Souls Club Band
It's getting very near the end
Dark Lord Voldy's Shattered, Dark Lord Voldy's Shattered
Dark Lord Voldy's Shattered Soul Club Band.
I read the news today, oh boy.
About a lucky boy who saved the day.
For us, the news was rather bad
Lord Voldemort's been blown away.
That Potter killed him yesterday.
He blew his brains out with a wand
After escaping him six times before.
A crowd of people stood and stared
They'd seen his face before
Amidst the blood and gore.
He really did in the Dark Lord.
Dumbledore's Army really won the war.
Folks cheered and sang like ne'er before.
But I just couldn't speak.
'Cause now I'm up dung creek.
And I'd love to jump in.
Woke up, rolled out of bed
Polished my shiny bald head
Found the boy downstairs, pointing his wand.
And looking up, I met my sorry fate
Left my fortune to my snake
Which was prob'ly a mistake.
Nothing left of me, not even smoke.
Just words I spoke and my crumbling estate.
Ahhhhhh…..
I read the news today, oh boy.
Forty Death Eaters running from the law.
The Auror's ranks are rather small
But quite enough to take us all.
Now I think we'll go to where our lord's gone before long at all
I'd love to run away…
Harry Potter and the Fab Four