Reparo

To the tune of Taxman

THE SCENE: Behind HAGRID's cottage. Enter McNAIR in executioner's robes, as he prepares to carry out Buckbeak's death sentence. HAGRID and the TRIO express their consternation.

MCNAIR
Let me tell you
How it will be
That hippogriff
Is History

Cause I'm the axeman
Yeah I'm the axeman

Just ten percent
Right off the top
When Buckbeak meets my
Fatal chop

Cause I'm the axeman
Yeah I'm the axeman

Hagrid went too far
And met defeat
This vicious beastie
I'll now delete

HAGRID
At the set of sun
Malfoy's ally
Will behead my boy,
Poor thing must die

HAGRID & TRIO
Axeman!

Cause he's the axeman
Yeah he's the axeman

HARRY (and MCNAIR)
Can't someone please tell Dumbledore?
(Uh, Uh, Mr. Potter)

HAGRID (and MCNAIR)
That Committee his voice ignores
(Uh, huh, Mr. Fudge)

HAGRID & TRIO
Cause he's the axeman
Yeah he's the axeman

McNAIR & (HAGRID & TRIO)
All those who would the
Malfoys strike
(Axeman!)
Will meet a fate that
They won't like
(Axeman!)

Exit McNAIR, HAGRID, & Buckbeak, toward the chopping block

TRIO
'Cause he's the axeman.
Yeah, he's the axeman,
And he's showing no sign of mercy

As the music fades, the TRIO hears "the unmistakable swish and thud of an axe."

To the tune of Love You To by the Beatles

THE SCENE: The Caretaker's Office - FILCH fantasizes about wreaking dire vengeance against Fred & George, while in the background Mrs. Norris dithers with some weird musical device that her master just confiscated from the Parvati twins.

FILCH:
Each twin just moves so quick
They really make me sick
Don't let them think to raise a stink with me

I will kick their can
I'm such a mean old man

Those redheads bought up short
Exiled from Hogwarts
I'll have excelled when they're expelled, you see.

Make war good and loud
Make war till they're cowed.

Those Weasleys sneaking round
With Wheezes I'll impound
I'll fill my desk with all the things I seize.

I've got plans for you
For I hate you two.

A filk by Gail to the tune of Here, There and Everywhere

HARRY:
He doesn't need a knife; it is his axe you should fear
He stands there so menacingly:
Taking a life with the stroke of an axe:
Who can relax under his unwholesome glare?

Where creatures do not stand a prayer:
At the department that regulates beasts:
They become deceased `cause he doesn't really care

His name's Walden McNair, and when he's around then you can't help but to despair:
Because to beasts Walden is their worst nightmare:
I know that it isn't fair:
That a Hippogriff like Buckbeak should die:
Hear Hagrid cry, as he falls into despair:

This man Walden McNair, there is something about him you that should be aware:
I found out he's a Death Eater, this I swear:
In the graveyard, he was there:
That evening when I saw Voldemort rise:
Not a surprise:
Since his type has got that flair

You should beware Walden McNair

Beware Walden McNair

A filk by Ginger to the tune of Here, There and Everywhere

The Scene: 12 Grimmauld Place after Harry's arrival.

GEORGE:
Evesdropping is your right, and we've a plot of our own.

Hear, with an Extendible Ear.
Over the stairwell, you'll hear what they've planned,
Why we've been banned,
And whether You-Know-Who's near.

FRED:
We use them everywhere,
Though we realize that some think we're not playing fair.
But since when has prudence been our greatest care?
We have got info to share.
Each one receiving each murmur and sigh.
Give it a try.
We know they are meeting there.

BOTH:
We can hear there and everywhere.
Hear there and everywhere.

A filk by Gail to the tune of She Said She Said

HARRY:
Cho said, "I would always come here with Ced."
What I heard I couldn't believe
'Cause this was the last thing I wanted to discuss

I thought, why'd she want to talk about Ced?
Something that always makes her grieve?
Then Cho suddenly acted so furious

Cho said, "I don't know why you asked me out!"
I thought, "What did I do wrong?
Few minutes ago everything was fine, everything was fine."

I told Hermione what happened and
She knew why Cho acted this way
Cho was trying to get me to become jealous

I said, "I don't know what this is about."
She said, "You acted all wrong.
'Cause you are a boy, you don't know her mind, you don't know her mind."

Ron said, "You should write a book about this.
Translating what boys and girls say."
And this whole thing has made me very depressed

Cho said (Cho said)
"I would always come here with Ced" ("I would always come here with Ced)
Now she won't even talk to me (Now she won't even talk to me)

A filk by ewe2 to the tune of And Your Bird Can Sing

Snape and Dumbledore are arguing in HBP

SNAPE:
You told me you knew everything there is
And your phoenix sings
Well you don't know me
You don't know me

You say you've seen seven Horcrux
And your phoenix swings
But you don't see me
You don't see me

When the war on Voldy
Starts to wear you down
I can make a potion
Drink it down, drink it down

Snape plays double lead guitar

This Vow can't be broken
I can't let you down
You won't be awoken
See ya round, see ya round

You tell me you've foreseen where the future is
But your phoenix screams
And you won't stop me
You won't stop me

A filk by R.J. Lupin to the tune of For No One by The Beatles

And in a very rare act, I decide to give Peter Pettigrew a little sympathy song. Because when you think about it, Peter must've been a little miffled when he discovered that his Animagus form was a rat.

PETER:
We thought long
We thought wrong
And then we fin'lly knew that Moony was a werewolf
For all the full moon nights

We read more
Our head's sore
For we decided if us four were all animals
Then it all would be right

So Animagi we studied
Three years learning how to do that
I was nothing
For all I became was a rat

I was mad
I was sad
'Cause how could anyone be glad when they discover
Inside they're a rat lad?

And Animagi we studied
Three years learning how to do that
I was nothing
For all I became was a rat

Well, Moony
Cried when he
Found that he had three Animagi pals, Padfoot and Prongs
And Wormtail, that's me

The moon comes
I feel dumb
'Cause all I can do is run and I can't control him, they
Don't really need me

And Animagi we studied
Three years learning how to do that
I was nothing
For all I became was a rat

A filk by Gail to the tune of Doctor Robert by the Beatles

FILCH:
Found her hanging from the wall, Mrs. Norris
When I saw her there I started to waul, "Mrs. Norris!"

Mrs. Norris. I am not going to pretend
She's my one and only friend
Did her life come to an end? Mrs. Norris

Dumbledore, he checked her out, Mrs. Norris
He told me without a doubt, Mrs. Norris

"Mrs. Norris, Argus Filch, she hasn't died
She was somehow petrified"
I sat there and cried for Mrs. Norris

Oh, no, no, she's petrified
Oh I know who did it
Harry Potter!

He was found at the scene of the crime, Harry Potter
This boy's in trouble all the time, Harry Potter

Harry Potter. He found out I am a Squib
Though I tried to keep it hid
But I know what he did to Mrs. Norris

Oh, no, no, Potter is lyin'
Oh, I know he hated Mrs. Norris

What am I going to do without Mrs. Norris?
What am I going to do without Mrs. Norris?
Mrs. Norris

A filk by Gail to the tune of I Want To Tell You

HARRY:
He says he's teaching
My mind's flooded with past visions
It is he
Who's the cause of all these obtrusions

And when he's speaking
The words he says that put me down
Anger me
As I pick myself up off the ground

To these classes I am confined
So Voldemort won't read my mind
But they're not helping me

He keeps persisting
That I should do what he assigns
I feel weak
Could he be trying to undermine?

Although we're practicing this spell
My friend, Ron, continues to tell me
That Snape's a Death Eater

He keeps insisting
That I clear my mind of thoughts each night
But when we meet
He attacks verbally out of spite
And indicts
Then we fight

A filk by Randy Estes to the tune of Got to Get You Into My Life

The Scene: Dumbledore and Harry make a late night trip to Voldemort's cave....

HARRY:
We were alone, We found a cave,
We didn't know what we would find there
There was a lake, we found a boat, you know I think I
Saw a hand there

Ooh, there's dead people beneath us
Ooh, there's a bowl filled with green stuff
Dumbledore says he just wants to drink!

He took a drink, I don't know why
He told me I must make him drink more
But as he drank, a look of fear went through is eyes
But still he drank more!

Ooh, as he finished the last drop
Ooh, He collapsed and my heart stopped
Please don't let him die here this way!

Got to get him back to Hogwarts!

He asked for water, I plunged a goblet
Into the lake and tipped it up to his cold lips there
But then a hand came from the lake
And grabbed my arm and held me back there.

Ooh, the dead bodies are coming
Ooh, my spells aren't very stunning
Dumbledore shot flames from his wand

Got to get us back to Hogwarts!
Got to get us back to Hogwarts!

A ring of fire kept them away
We somehow rowed back cross the lake there
Dumbledore's weak, he leans on me, I use my blood to
leave the cave there

"Don't worry, I'll help you"
He's not afraid: "I am with you"