Moony,Wormtail, Padfoot, Prongs & Snape
Image © 2003 by Red Scharlach
Image © 2003 by Red Scharlach
Moony, Wormtail, Padfoot, Prongs, and Snape and Moony, Wormtail, Padfoot, Prongs and Snape (reprise) Copyright 2003 by Amy Z; Death Day Party Invitation, Hating Potter, The Inner Eye , Parting Of Ways, Quidditch Practice, They're Being Cruel and With A Little Help From My Friends Copyright 2003 by Gail; Moody in Disguise Copyright 2001 by Caius Marcius; When I'm Voldemort Copyright 2002 by Tabouli; After Volume Four Copyright 2002 by Pippin; Ugly Rita Copyright 2001 by Judy Nathanson;Captain Ollie's Former Quidditch Team Copyright 2002 by Gryffleraverin; A Day in Black's Life Copyright 2002 by Audra Hammer; A Wizard's Life Copyright 2003 by Jenny
A filk by Amy Z to the tune of Sgt. Pepper's Lonely Hearts Club Band
THE SCENE: The Shrieking Shack
LUPIN and SIRIUS:
It was thirteen years ago today
That Peter tried to end the play
With a plot that did two of us in
And put us in a Wormtailspin
But here we are again at last
The original Hogwarts cast
Moony, Wormtail, Padfoot, Prongs and Snape!
LUPIN, SIRIUS, PETER and SNAPE:
It's Moony, Wormtail, Padfoot, Prongs, and Snape
We'll all be on the grounds tonight
Moony, Wormtail, Padfoot, Prongs, and Snape
We're doing this reunion right
Moony, Wormtail, Padfoot,
Moony, Wormtail, Padfoot
Moony, Wormtail, Padfoot, Prongs, and Snape
Ghostly voice of JAMES, offstage:
I wish that I could be there
It sure would be a thrill
To hang that rat up by the tail
And cause Snape's second plot to fail
But my son will be my sub.
SNAPE (sneering):
I don't really wanna stop the show
But it's time for Sirius to go
Your story is Riddikulus
So come along without a fuss
There's a creature with the hots for you
And I've been waiting all these years . . .
Moony, Padfoot, off to Azkaban!
HARRY, RON, and HERMIONE:
No-- you-- don't!
They hit Snape with a triple Expelliarmus, knocking him out
A filk by Gail to the tune With A Little Help From My Friends
HARRY before the third task
HARRY & (GRYFFINDOR QUIDDITCH TEAM):
What would I have done if it wasn't for them
Helping me throughout both of those tasks?
Lending a hand and giving me support
And all I had to do was just ask
Oh, I got by with a little help from my friends
Hmmm, where would I be without the help of my friends
Hmmm, Going to try with a little help from my friends
How would I even get past the dragon?
(Sirius said a simple spell's what you need)
Moody he said, "Play to your strengths" and then
(Learned Accio from Hermione)
Oh, I will fly with a little help from my friends
Yes, the egg's mine with a little help from my friends
No, won't get fried with a little help from my friends
(Winning the Competition)
Without them it couldn't be done
(Tri-Wizard Competition)
I have to thank everyone
(Under the water how will you then breathe?)
Dobby showed up bringing Gillyweed
(Ron, your best friend at first didn't believe)
But with him there it made things easy
Oh, I get by with a little help from my friends
Hmmm, where would I be without the help of my friends
Hmmm, going to try with a little help from my friends
(Winning the Competition)
Without them it couldn't be done
(Tri-Wizard Competition)
I have to thank everyone
Oh, can't deny it was with the help from my friends
Oh, I got by with a little help from my friends
Yes, all is fine with a little help from my friends
Yes, where would I be without the help of my friends
With a little help from my friends
To the tune of Lucy in the Sky with Diamonds
The Scene: The office of the Dark Arts Professor. DUMBLEDORE and Company have just rescued HARRY from Barty Crouch, Jr, who has been impersonating Alastor Moody. Understandably enough with all he's just been through, HARRY can do no more than babble incoherently
HARRY
Picture yourself with a corpse and a Portkey
With terrified screams and panicky cries
Somebody pulls you, you stagger behind him,
An Auror with a mad whirling eye
Profanely he glowers this fellow so mean
Wishing to bash in your head
Boasting of treach'ry, this man with the mad eye
Is he gone?
DUMBLEDORE, McGONAGALL, SNAPE
Moody in disguise through Dark Arts
Moody in disguise through Dark Arts
Moody in disguise through Dark Arts
HARRY
Follow me down to that brute's DADA office
Where death eating wizards drink Polyjuice pie
The headmaster glares as he's seen in the Foe-Glass
But not by the man with mad eyes
New Prof was toxic, that is for sure
He wanted to take me away
Can I go back, show my face to the crowd?
Are they gone?
DUMBLEDORE, McGONAGALL, SNAPE
Moody in disguise through Dark Arts
Moody in disguise through Dark Arts
Crouch, the tiger, hid, dragged in Dark Arts
HARRY
Look at him there in that trunk where they dunked him
The genuine Auror with the whirling mad eye
Now someone please turn me over to Pomfrey:
This boy needs to get some shut-eye....
A filk by Gail to the tune of Getting Better All The Time
DRACO (CRABBE and GOYLE):
I'm hating Potter all the time
That day on the train to our school (The first time we met)
My hand in friendship he refused (No, I won't forget)
He turned me away (aaah)
I'll make him pay (oooh)
If it's the last thing that I do (Do, do)
I have to admit that I hate Potter (Potter)
With Ronald Weasley at his side (I hate that git, too)
I have to admit that I hate Potter (Potter)
He has no proper wizarding pride
The friend of Mudbloods, Saint Potter
On Gryffindor's team as Seeker
Oh, It makes me fume
That he gets a broom
When I know that I am better
I have to admit that I hate Potter (Potter)
With that stupid scar on his head (And what's up with that?)
I have to admit that I hate Potter (Potter)
I wish that one day he would drop dead
Hating Harry Potter all the time
I'm hating Potter all the time (Boy, does Draco hate him)
I'm hating Potter all the time (Boy, does Draco hate him)
My father told me not to show
My hatred when others think that he's some sort of a hero
It's not prudent and I know I shouldn't
But the thought of him ticks me off so
I have to admit that I hate Potter (Potter)
That Harry Potter thinks he's cool (Because he's famous)
I have to admit that I hate Potter (Potter)
I hope the Dark Lord will return soon
Hating Harry Potter all the time
I'm hating Potter all the time (Hate him with a passion)
I'm hating Potter all the time (Hate him with a passion)
Hating Harry Potter all the time
A filk by Gail to the tune of Fixing A Hole
MCGONAGALL:
They've sucked out the soul of Barty Crouch Junior
Which keeps him now from talking
The Dementors...
SNAPE:
When we informed Fudge about this evening's events
He felt that he was in danger
He insisted...
FUDGE:
But it really doesn't matter if he's gone, alright?
Everything's alright, there's nothing wrong
By all accounts, he is no loss, a lunatic, a real mess
Thought he was working for You-Know-Who
DUMBLEDORE:
I'm telling you now, it was Voldemort
He's been returned to his body
to his full strength
FUDGE:
But you really cannot mean it
He cannot be back, he just cannot be back
Preposterous
You cannot mean that you believe that You-Know-Who has now returned
Taking the word of a madman
DUMBLEDORE:
I'm looking at you in a different light
If you refuse to accept the truth
Then we must part
A parting of ways where I'll do what is right
To keep Voldemort from winning
That's where I stand
A filk by Gail to the tune of She's Leaving Home
HARRY ( & GRYFFINDOR CHORUS):
Every Friday at two o'clock we have Potions class
I dread the time spent in the dungeons
Double Potions with all those Slytherins
We went downstairs where we found all the Slytherins waiting there
Standing outside of the classroom door
Their taunting's hard to ignore
(They) Everyone wearing badges
(Are being) "Support Cedric Diggory" badges
(Cruel) That also flash "Potter Stinks" back at me
They're being cruel, I feel just like a fool
It makes me angry
Draco insults Hermione and calls her, "Mudblood"
We pull our wands out and cast curses
Granger and Goyle get it right in their faces
Snape comes 'round and asks in a deadly voice,
"What is going on?"
"Potter attacked me," Draco then cried
Goyle's face is filled with fungi
(Snape) Snape will not listen to us
(Is always) He favors them over us
(Cruel) Snape then sent Goyle to the infirmary
Snape will act cruel although this little duel
Wasn't started by me
Ronald then says to Snape, "Malfoy hit Hermione!"
Slowly Snape turned his greasy-haired head
Paused and, "I see no difference," he said
(He) What Snape said was so wrong
(Is being) He shouldn't have treated her wrong
(Cruel) A professor shouldn't behave like him
Snape's being cruel, I don't know why this school
Puts up with him
They're being cruel
Slytherins
A filk by Gail to the tune of Being For The Benefit Of Mr. Kite!
To honor Nearly Headless Nick
There will be a horrific Death Day Party
October Thirty-first's the date
Please do come and celebrate this tragedy
He was hit in the neck forty-five times
With a blunt axe five hundred years ago
That's the way he passed away so Nicholas says
The late lamented N.H.N.
Invites every ghost to attend, and every ghoul
The party will start at seven
Deep down inside the dark dungeons of Hogwarts School
They'll be music, dancing and a buffet
Of the most putrid food money can buy
If you please, R.S.V.P. as soon as you can
Invitations have been send
The Wailing Widow will come from Kent, if we're lucky
And we expect quite a thrill
As the Headless Hunt will show their skill at Head Hockey
Having been some days in preparation
A mournful time is guaranteed for all
As a topper, Harry Potter's guest of honor
A filk by Gail to the tune of Within You And Without You
Scene: First day of Divinations class. The students have come into the Divination's classroom, wondering where the Professor is. Then, from out of nowhere, comes the mystical drone of the tamboura, the sound of a sitar and sarangi and the beat of the tabula. From behind a beaded curtain Prof. TRELAWNEY emerges, bedecked in a gauzy spangled shawl singing and making the appropriate hand mudras:
TRELAWNEY:
I'll be teaching...Divination to all of you
But I warn you...It's very difficult to do
If you don't have...the gift of the sight...there's very
little...That I can
teach you
I'll be showing...in very explicit detail
You'll be able...to penetrate the unseen veil
You will see (you will see)...through this mystery...
Then you'll understand
Try to be receptive to the resonances of the subtle aura
It is such a burden to be All-Knowing
You can see everything through the Inner Eye
(musical interlude)
We'll be covering...the basic methods of this art
It's a rare gift...that I'm not able to impart
Only few (only few)...they can see...are you one of them?
When you've looked beyond this world then you will gaze through this haze
Called the future
The time will come when you too will preview what will happen just by using
The Inner Eye
A filk by Tabouli to the tune of When I'm Sixty Four
SCENE: TOM RIDDLE, having fiendishly purloined Professor Trelawney's crystal ball, is peering into it, using his dark powers to glean glimpses of his future. What he sees drains the blood from his handsome young face. Surely he would never be so stupid as to alienate his entire support base by getting himself totalled by a tot and then resurrected as a snake-monster... would he?
"When I grow old and ugly as sin,
Many years from now,
Will my team respect me with a pallid skin,
Blood-red eyes and skeleton-thin?
"When my face looks and sounds like a snake,
Will they shut the door?
Will they still need me, will they still heed me,
When I'm Voldemort?
"How long will they wait?
And when I press the Mark,
Will they Apparate?
"When little Harry drives me away
Bouncing my AK,
Will the 'Eaters still be standing by my side,
Will this Potter scupper my pride?
"Will they pretend they weren't on my team?
Will I lose the war?
Will they still need me, will they still heed me,
When I'm Voldemort?"
Every night Tom worried that his future wouldn't turn out right,
Then it all came clear:
"Well, if they're not brave,
I'll have them on their knees,
I'll make them behave!
"I'm making plans, now, I will be fine -
Quirrell will be mine!
Hide beneath his turban, be his second face,
Get young Barty onto the case
"With Harry's blood, and Wormtail's right hand,
Stronger than before,
I'll make them heed me, oh yes indeedy!
When I'm Voldemort!"
A filk by Pippin to the tune of When I'm Sixty Four
Written in February 2002, a year and a half after the publication of Goblet of Fire, as Potter fans impatiently awaited The Order of the Phoenix, that would not hit the bookstores (oh quaint phrase!) till June 2003
We're getting older, starting to swear
Almost two years now
When will they be sending us a release date
How long do they think we can wait?
Two thousand two or two thousand three?
Not two thousand four!??
I wanna read it, I really need it
More than Volume Four
Oh Oh hurry Joannie do -ahh
And when you get the word, email, owl or floo.
Every new rumor soon gets defused
What's a fan to do?
Build a Lego castle by the fireside
Take a broomstick toy for a ride.
Searching the websites digging for leads
Scuttlebutt galore
Madly the mouse clicks still there's no Phoenix
After Volume Four.
Every day I check with Barnes and Noble and with Amazon
When will it appear
Hear me scream and rave
Oh, oh, I'm begging on my knees
Volume Five I crave
Go to the cafe, write us a line
Even one or two
Who's the fan of Harry's that is going to die?
Will Ron make Hermione cry?
How many kids in Gryffindor dorm
Are there, less or more?
Jo, feed my habit, don't quit, dagnabit
After Volume Four.
A filk by Judy Nathanson to the tune of Lovely Rita, Meter Maid
Ugly Rita, gossip hag
May I inquire boldly
When do you write a single word that's true?
Ugly Rita, do you brag
Cackling oh so coldly
Somebody's going to get the goods on you!
Buzzing round a door or hedge row
Or the shoulder of some fellow
Never ever guess she could ever be there
On a window ledge you'll spot her
Taking note of dreaming Potter
Nobody had told her she should ever be fair
Ugly Rita, are your ill?
Haven't heard from you, have I?
Where is the garbage that you used to write?
Ugly Rita, poison quill
Unregistered animagi
Hermione's got you sealed up nice and tight
A filk by Gail to the tune of Good Morning, Good Morning AND
Moony, Wormtail, Padfoot, Prongs and Snape (reprise)
A filk by Amy Z to the tune of Sgt. Pepper's Lonely Heart's Club Band Reprise
OLIVER WOOD:
HARRY:
OLIVER WOOD:
HARRY:
Everybody's there, it's before dawn
Wood talks about his plans, brings out his diagrams
OLIVER WOOD:
HARRY:
Jump on my broom I start to zoom through the clear skies
GQT:
As the team continues to practice, on the Hogwarts grounds below, Mrs. Norris is prowling. Hagrid's dog, Fang, is barking. A rooster crows from behind Hagrid's hut moments before it is throttled to death by a mysterious figure. There are sheep behind Hagrid's hut, too. A Blast-Ended Skrewt roars from it's hiding place where Hagrid is keeping it caged And the Headless Hunt on horseback with their pack of hell-hounds are galloping through the Forbidden Forest
Enter M, W, P, P, and S, at the close of Prisoner of Azkaban
LUPIN:
PETTIGREW:
SIRIUS:
JAMES:
ALL:
Moony, Wormtail, Padfoot, Moony, Wormtail, Padfoot,
ALL BUT LUPIN:
ALL:
LUPIN:
ALL:
A filk by Gryffleraverin to the tune of Sgt. Pepper's Lonely Hearts Club Band
THE SCENE: The Gryffindor common room. The new Gryffindor Quidditch Captain in Book Five, for reasons unknown, has asked the Beaters to compose a new anthem for the team. Fred and George offer their suggestion.
FRED & GEORGE:
Reprise
We're Captain Ollie's Former Quidditch Team
The Captain rejects their song.
A filk by Audra Hammer to the tune of A Day in the Life
Setting: The Shrieking Shack. SIRIUS is relating his story to Harry.
SIRIUS:
He was at Hogwarts now, oh boy,
One night, they brought me food.
I watched the Quidditch match, oh boy.
A filk by Jenny to the tune of A Day in the Life
I read the news today oh boy
He's packed his bags and left his home
I saw a film today oh boy
Woke up,
Found my cloak and grabbed my hat
AHHH... *just like the original
I read the sports page oh boy
Let's practice, let's practice, let's practice
Let's practice, let's practice-ah
In the morning, dead to the world, it was early
Sleeping in bed, resting my head, someone woke me
In the dark stood Oliver Wood
He told me to come on, then he was gone
Let's practice, let's practice, let's practice-ah
Get out of bed, put on my robes, then I go down
Oliver waits with my team-mates, I look around
We are tousle haired and start to yawn
All of us here are falling asleep
Oliver's now giving a tactics speech
We are too tired to be inspired, don't give a damn
When he's all done we see the sun
And then we hear Wood say, "C'mon let's play!"
Let's practice, let's practice, let's practice-ah
Oliver, man, he is obsessed
Wants to put his plans now to the test
I see my friends, they're in the seats
I wish this would end then I could eat
Feeling the air rush through my hair as we all fly
Go through the moves, I start to groove
And as all of us play it feels O.K.
Let's practice, let's practice, let's....
ONE!
TWO!
THREE!
FOUR!
We're Moony, Wormtail, Padfoot, Prongs and Snape
We're adding that adult cachet
Moony, Wormtail, and the mad brute, Padfoot, Prongs and Snape
We all still have a part to play
Moony, Wormtail, Padfoot, Moony, Wormtail, Padfoot
We're booked again for next year's gig
Moony, Wormtail, Padfoot, Prongs and Snape
I'm off to tea with Mrs. Figg
Moony, Wormtail, Padfoot, Moony, Wormtail, Padfoot,
Moony, Wormtail, Padfoot, Prongs and Snape!
Captain Ollie's Former Quidditch Team
It was many years ago today,
Captain Ollie taught the team to play
They haven't played the game for a while
But clever tactics will raise a smile.
So may we introduce to you
The team you've thought of most fondly,
Captain Ollie's Former Quidditch Team
We're Captain Ollie's Former Quidditch Team,
We hope you will enjoy the game,
We're Captain Ollie's Former Quidditch Team,
And think that the other team is lame.
Captain Ollie's Former, Captain Ollie's Former,
Captain Ollie's Former Quidditch Team.
It's wonderful to play here, it's certainly a thrill.
The Slytherins in the audience
Can all boo in the stands-fine with us-
'Cause Gryffindor will win.
I don't really want to stop the song,
But the game will start before too long,
And the players will play the game,
I guess the Slytherins will do the same.
So let me introduce to you
The one and only Harry P.
And Captain Ollie's Former Quidditch Team.
We hope you have enjoyed the game
Captain Ollie's Former Quidditch Team
We're sorry we brought Slytherin shame.
Captain Ollie's Former...
Captain Ollie's Former...
Captain Ollie's Former...
Captain Ollie's Former...
Captain Ollie's Former Quidditch Team
We'd like for you to come again
Captain Ollie's (here no more) Gryffindor Quidditch Team
The commentator is our friend
Captain Ollie's Former
Captain Ollie's Former
Captain Ollie's Former Quidditch Team!
A Day In Black's Life (PoA, Chap. 18)
I read the news that day, oh boy,
An "M-O-M Employee Scoops First Prize,"
And though I sat in Azkaban,
Well I just had to laugh.
I saw the photograph.
Upon the shoulder of this boy
There sat a rat that had one missing toe.
It had been twelve years, even so,
At once I knew his name.
Peter Pettigrew betrayed your parents and left me the blame!
And if the Dark Side gathered strength again
He'd strike at you first chance he got,
Hand you to You-Know-Who.
My obsession grew...
I had to stop...him...now.
As a dog, my vibes were crude.
The Dementors didn't sense me slip by--
Knew I was weak, but not that I was sane.
Slipped through the bars and swam to land.
Everything went as I planned.
With my new-found freedom, I set forth
And headed North, towards the Hogwarts grounds.
Ahhhhhhhh
Harry, you fly just like your father did.
This cat you call Crookshanks helped me,
Got me the password sheet,
But Peter faked his death again and tried to make a quick retreat!
You've got to be...lieve...me.
A Wizard's Life
About a wizard lad who made the grade
He blew up You-Know-Who at last
That's all behind him now
It's written in the the past.
He didn't notice how to find the train
A crowd of people stood and stared
They'd seen his face before
Nobody was really sure if he had killed the Dark Lord.
The English Quidditch team had just won the match
A crowd of people turned away
But I just had to look
Having read the book
Ha...rry....Pot...ter...
just say it like you're saying "I'd love to turn you on..."
Fell out of bed
Tried to drag a comb across my head
Found my way downstairs and drank a cup,
and looking up I noticed I was late.
Made my class in seconds flat.
Found my way upstairs and smelled some smoke
And Trelawny spoke and I went into a dream.
The Gryffindors had just won their match
The Slytherins were rather sad
They hadn't caught the Snitch
Now they know how many points they need to win the Quidditch Cup.
I'd love to turn you on...
Harry Potter and the Fab Four