Dobby Road
Come Together by Gail
Something (In the Stuff She Brewed) by Pippin
Riddle's Giant Basilisk by Pippin
Oh! Harry by Gail
Professor Sprout's Greenhouse by Gail
Lockhart's a Fool/He's So Smarmy by Gail
Victor Krum by Lilac
Because by Lilac
Please Harry Potter Don't Get Angry by Lilac
Underage Wizard by Lilac
Mean Mr. Dursley by Gail
Dursley Gets Mad by Gail
He Escaped Through The Bedroom Window by Gail
Golden Snitches by Gail
That Bludger Sure Had Your Name by Lilac
The End by Lilac
Hermione and Ron's Sister by Lilac
Because, Hermione, The End, Please Harry Potter Don't Get Angry, Ron's Sister, That Bludger Sure Had Your Name, Underage Wizard and Victor Krum Copyright 2002 by Lilac; Come Together, Dursley Gets Mad, Golden Snitches, He Escaped Through The Bedroom Window, Lockhart's a Fool/He's So Smarmy, Mean Mr. Dursley, Oh! Harry and Professor Sprout's Greenhouse Copyright 2002-2003 by Gail; Riddle's Giant Basilisk and Something (In the Stuff She Brewed) Copyright 2002 by Pippin
A filk by Gail to the tune of The Beatles' Come Together
Here come You-Know-Who, he got brand new body
He got reddish eye-ball, he one evil wizard
He got name no one want to speak
Got to be a madman he have ego so big
He got Parseltounge, he want world dominion
He got Dark Art magic, he hate Harry Potter
He say, "Death Eaters, come to me."
Activate the Deathmark, and you know what it mean
Come together, Death Eaters, to Voldy
He Avada Kedavra, he do mean Crucio
He one wicked curser, he be Thomas Riddle
He rule through tyranny
Hold you in Imperio you will never be free
Come together, Death Eaters, to Voldy
He got no mercy, he like Muggle torture
He be heir of Slytherin, he want life immortal
He got robes, black and billowy
Got to be powerful 'coz he's so hard to defeat
Come together, Death Eaters, to Voldy
A filk by Pippin to the tune of the Beatles' Something
The Scene: Moaning Myrtle's Bathroom, Christmas Day, 1992
HARRY & RON:
Something in the stuff she brewed
Has given us the perfect cover
Something in the stuff she brewed us
RON:
You look just like Goyle right now
HARRY:
I don't want to look and how
HERMIONE (from her stall)
One glass of this polyjuice
And I'll be going undercover
One glass and I'll (erp!) -- excuse me.
HARRY & RON:
She won't go with us to see
What's up with Hermione?
One hour later
HERMIONE:
So, did you find out who's the heir?
HARRY & RON:
We don't know, we don't know
HERMIONE:
I think this wasn't Millie's hair
MYRTLE:
Now you've got a tail, ho! ho!
HERMIONE:
Something in that stuff I brewed
Has given me a spot of bother
Something in the stuff has
-- Dear me!
I don't want to leave here now
I don't want to leave and how
(Meow! Meow! Meow!)
(Meow! Meow! Meow!)
A filk by Pippin to the tune of Maxwell's Silver Hammer by The Beatles
Ginny trustfully writing in her diary
'I feel so alone
Harry Potter never will notice me-oh.'
Riddle cleverly playing on naivety
Took her for his own
Late nights all alone with the inkwell-oh oh.
But as she shared her pitiful woes
He crept into her mind
Ssss! Ssss! Riddle's giant Basilisk
Hiding in its lair
Ssss! Ssss! Riddle's giant Basilisk
No one knows it's there
Back in school again Harry breaks a rule again
So he gets employed
Mailing testimonial pictures, oh oh
Cold voice in his ear, words that no one else can hear
Echo in the void
Ron does not perceive and he tells him so--
But on the way from Nick's Deathday Ball
There's writing on the wall.
Ssss! Ssss! Riddle's giant basilisk
Left a message there
Ssss! Ssss! Riddle's giant basilisk
Enemies, beware!
Herm and 'Nelope
Searching in the library
Hermi gets a clue
She writes "pipes" on one of the pages, oo-oooh
Rushing through the corridor
Going to find Dumbledore, he'll know what to do
To depose the King of the Serpents, oo-ooh.
But though they check each bend in the mirror
A noise comes from behind
Ssss! Ssss! Riddle's giant Basilisk
In the looking glass
Ssss! Ssss! Riddle's giant Basilisk
Petrified our lass.
Sliding down the sink
Riddle finally tips the wink
Harry gets annoyed
But he is by Dumbledore's phoenix bouy-oy-oy-oyed
There's a fatal bite
But the phoenix puts him right
Riddle just forgot
Phoenix tears have powers of healing, oy-oy-oy-oy
And as he's getting ready to gloat
The diary's destroyed
Harry slew the giant basilisk
Laid it in the dust
And the fang of Riddle's basilisk
through the diary thrust
He frees Dobby too!
A filk by Gail to the tune of Oh! Darling by the Beatles
The Scene: The Shrieking Shack... SIRIUS and Lupin have forced PETER out of his Animagi form. Fearful, PETER pleads for his life....
PETER:
Oh Harry, please believe me
I never meant to do wrong
Believe me when I tell you
What else could I have done?
Oh Harry, please have mercy
My life is now in peril
You look just like your father
James wouldn't have wanted me killed
SIRIUS:
Oh how dare you talk about James in front of him
When you sold out his parents that night
Oh how dare you speak to Harry in that way
When you know you're the reason they died
PETER:
Oh Harry, please have mercy
You don't really understand
The Dark Lord he had weapons
You can't even imagine
Believe me Harry
SIRIUS:
Oh how dare you say that Voldemort was forcing you
I don't want to hear any more of your lies
For a whole year before James and Lil were killed
You'd been passing information as a spy
PETER:
Oh Harry, please believe me
I'm down here on my knees (believe me Harry...)
Listen to me begging Ooooooo!
Please don't let them kill me
A filk by Gail to the tune of An Octopus's Garden by the Beatles
NEVILLE:
Like to study Herbology
With Professor Sprout in greenhouse number three
What merriment those hours well spent
With Professor Sprout in greenhouse number three
Ron and Harry and Hermione
Along with Justin Finch-Fletchley
Like to study Herbology
With Professor Sprout in greenhouse number three
Like to study Herbology
With Professor Sprout in greenhouse number three
Once a week all of us meet
With Professor Sprout in greenhouse number three
We gather 'round the flower beds
Listening to each word that Sprout says
Like to study Herbology
With Professor Sprout in greenhouse number three
Like to study Herbology
With Professor Sprout in greenhouse number three
Sometimes we weed or plant some seeds
With Professor Sprout in greenhouse number three
It's really great to be in this place
I don't have to see Snape's ugly face
Like to study Herbology
With Professor Sprout in greenhouse number three
In Professor Sprout's greenhouse
In Professor Sprout's greenhouse
A filk by Gail to the tune of I Want You/She's So Heavy
by the Beatles
RON:
He's a fool, why's he teaching Dark Arts?
He's a fool, why's he teaching Dark Arts?
That stupid Lockhart, he thinks he's so smart
He's a fool, why's he teaching Dark Arts, now?
He's a fool, why's he teaching Dark Arts?
He's over the top, he's really a fop
He's a fool, why's he teaching Dark Arts?
He's a fool, why's he teaching Dark Arts?
He's playing a part, I wish he'd depart
He's a fool, why's he teaching Dark Arts?
He's a fool, why's he teaching Dark Arts?
The girls think he's hot, I think that he's not
He's so smarmy
Smarmy, smarmy, smarmy
He's so smarmy
Smarmy, smarmy, smarmy
He's a fool, why's he teaching Dark Arts?
He's a fool, why's he teaching Dark Arts?
I wish that he's stop before he does start
He's a fool, why's he teaching Dark Arts?
He's a fool, why's he teaching Dark Arts?
That stupid Lockhart, he thinks he's so smart
He's so...
Instrumental rocks on for a while...
A filk by Lilac to the tune of Here Comes The Sun by the Beatles
The Scene: Before the QWC, the Trio are looking at all the posters of Bulgaria's Seeker
RON:
That's Victor Krum
HERMIONE:
What was that Ron?
RON:
That's Victor Krum and I say he's all right!
Quidditch Player; he is the Bulgarian Seeker
Quidditch Player; and he is young, he's just eighteen
He's Victor Krum, what a Seeker!
That bloke ain't dumb, wait till you see him play!
HERMIONE:
He looks grumpy
RON:
Who cares what expression he's making?
HERMIONE:
He walks ducky
RON:
Who cares? He's like a bird in flight
He's Victor Krum...what a genius!
He's Victor Krum, and I say he's all right
Krum, Krum, Krum, Victor Krum
Krum, Krum, Krum, Victor Krum
Krum, Krum, Krum, Victor Krum
Krum, Krum, Krum, Victor Krum
Krum, Krum, Krum, Victor Krum
During the game...
RON:
Krum was feinting!
HERMIONE:
That "Wonky Faint" is really dangerous!
Nose is painting his scarlet robes a darker hue
That Victor Krum ...he was brave, though...
Brave Victor Krum! But he looks quite the mess
A filk by Lilac to the tune of Because
THE SCENE: Molly, standing in a line outside of Flourish and Blotts, keeps primping her hair as she has these thoughts...
Because he knows his pests, he is the best
Because he knows his pests...aaaaaahhhhhh
Because his hair is blond, it turns me on
Because his hair is blond..... .aaaaaaaahhhh
Lockhart's smart, brave and kind! For him I'll stand in line.
Because his eyes are blue, it makes me sigh
Because his eyes are blue.......aaaaaaaahhhh
Aaaaahhhhhhhhhh....
A filk by Lilac to the tune of You Never Give Me Your Money
The Scene: Harry's bedroom. Dobby the house-elf is nimbly keeping Ron and Hermione's letters out of Harry's reach, while he is singing...
DOBBY:
Please Harry Potter, don't be angry
Dobby hoped you'd think your friends forgot you
And that you wouldn't want to go back to school
Please stay here!
Please, Harry Potter must promise
That sir will not go back to dang'rous Hogwarts
Because some evil wizards soon will cavort
Please stay here!
HARRY:
Dobby, you don't understand
I don't belong in Muggle land
I belong in your world - at Hogwarts
It's all I've got to keep me sane
My family treats me inhumane
That is why I'll go back to Hogwarts
That Hogwarts magic feeling, back there I'll go
That Hogwarts magic feeling, back there I'll go, back there I'll go...
Dobby sprints down the stairs, and Harry follows soon thereafter. He finds Dobby levitating the pudding up by the kitchen ceiling.
HARRY (gasping):
Dobby, no!
DOBBY:
Sir has left Dobby without a choice
See this pudding floating here
Dobby will drop it down then disappear
HARRY:
Dobby, don't
Do it, I pray!
But I can't say that I will stay (no I can't, I can't, I can't .....)
Dobby lets the pudding fall to the floor with a crash, splattering the room and Harry with the creamy concoction. Dobby then disappears as Harry hears Uncle Vernon on his way into the kitchen...
HARRY (to himself):
Ten, nine, eight, seven, six and five
I can kiss my bum goodbye...
A filk by Lilac to the tune of Sun King
The Scene: After the "Pudding Disaster", Harry has been locked in his room for three days with very little to eat, and is feeling utterly hopeless and helpless about his predicament. Being lulled to sleep by the sound of crickets chirping outside, he fitfully dreams that he is in a locked in a cage, starving and weak, laying on a bed of straw, with a sign on the cage that says...
HARRY:
"UNDERAGE WIZARD"
"UNDERAGE WIZARD"
See the people goggling
See the Dursleys laughing
"UNDERAGE WIZARD"
He sees Dobby among the crowd and calls out to him...
Dobby, bloody house-elf, come and help me break on out of this joint!
Locked up in a cage like in a zoo, all of the people cruelly point
DOBBY:
No, sir, Harry Potter!
Sir is safe there, just can't let sir be destroyed.
A filk by Gail to the tune of Mean Mr. Mustard
Mean Mr. Dursley, Harry's uncle
He's a Muggle really hates magic
Lives at Number 4 Privet Drive
Hated Harry since he'd arrived
Always made sure he was deprived
Such a Muggle that man
Such a Muggle that man
Petunia his wife Dudley his son
They are no fun, they hate Harry too
Petunia makes him work like a slave
Dudley always acting depraved
Can't believe the way they behave
Such a Muggle family
Such a Muggle family
A filk by Gail to the tune of Polythene Pam
Well, you should've seen Dursley get mad
He put bars on Harry's window, the cad
Locked him in his room, won't let him go back to school
Yes, you should've seen Dursley get mad
Yeah, yeah, yeah
When he found out Harry couldn't cast spells
Outside of school or else he would get expelled
Said, "You'll never go back!", wouldn't cut him no slack
And now Harry's bedroom has become like a cell
Yeah, yeah, yeah
A filk by Gail to the tune of She Came In Through the Bedroom Window
He escaped through the bedroom window
Now everything is just okay
The Dursley's hang dumbstruck in amazement
As they watch as he flies away
Nobody ever told them
Now they all can plainly see
Harry's leaving from the Dursley's
He's going home with the Weasley's
Harry's stuff was locked in the cupboard
Fred and George snuck down the stairs
Pretty soon they'd packed the old Ford
On the sill, Harry's almost there
But then Vernon, he tried to grab him
It was like a tug-of-war
And though he tried his best to stop him
Harry left in that flying car
Nobody ever told them
Now they all can plainly see
Harry's leaving from the Dursley's
He's going home with the Weasley's
Oh yeah
A filk by Gail to the tune of Golden Slumbers
Once there was a team of Quidditch players
Once there was a team, for Gryffindor
C'mon, Harry Potter, you must fly
Watch out for that Bludger coming by
Golden Snitch is within sight
Reach your hand out, hold on tight
C'mon Harry Potter, you must try
But that Bludger keeps coming by
Once there was a team of Quidditch players
Once there was a team, for Gryffindor
C'mon Harry Potter, you must try
But that Bludger keeps coming by
A filk by Lilac to the tune of Carry That Weight
Boy, that Bludger sure had your name
Sure had your name upon it.
Boy, let Lockhart fix all your bones
Poof! No more bones? Oh, darn it!
DOBBY (to Harry in the Hospital Wing):
Harry Potter must go back home
Dobby had to close the wall to Sir's train
And Dobby gave that rogue bludger its bad brain,
Please go home!
HARRY:
Elf, you'd better get outta here
Get outta here before long!
Or, when all my bones reappear,
Bones reappear, I'll kill ya!
A filk by Lilac to the tune of The End
after Dobby has been freed
HARRY:
Dobby, one thing...please, please nevermore try to save my life!
DOBBY:
Yes, Sir. Yes, Sir...
HARRY:
And in the End
The sock I tossed
Ain't equal to the pain he caused.
Oh, well...
Two filks by Lilac both to the tune of Her Majesty by the Beatles (yay, I'm on the bandwagon!)
RON:
Hermione's a really smart girl
And boy, she's got a lot to say.
Hermione's a gutsy kind of girl
And she told off Malfoy today.
He called her a really foul word
And I got myself a belly full of slugs.
Hermione's a really good friend
And for her I'd belch a million slugs, oh yeah
For her I'd belch a million slugs
HARRY:
Ron's sister is a really nice girl
But she doesn't have a lot to say.
Ron's sister is a really quiet girl
But she stood up to Malfoy today.
She told him to leave me alone
and he called her my girlfriend, that slime!
Ron's sister ain't my girlfriend, but
I'm glad that she is on my side, oh yeah
I'm glad that she is on my side.